A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A girl that I've been in a very odd situation with for the past 1.5 years has just told me that she doesn't feel like it's a good idea to see each other anymore because the situation is basically never going to materialise into a relationship.I feel like an idiot because I care about her more than she does about me. I could see a future with her as far as saying I'd be happy to marry her, but on the other hand she has serious commitment issue which has kept us from getting together.My question is what's the best way to help you through a situation like this where you feel like you're losing 'the one'? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the input guys, some useful info and views there I appreciate it.
To the male anon, we used to see each other every week without fail and have a very healthy sex life and whenever people asked they were very surprised for me to tell them we weren't dating. Every one in the small town that I live knew that we were meeting one another so it's not like I'm just being a crazy guy who's obsessed or anything.
She also used to be in a very controlling relationship and I met her during this period when she was coming to the end of it so I think this is a large contribution as to why she doesn't want a relationship but I guess some of it is down to my own flaws.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2016): Im just confused as to why you feel you would marry this girl and yet she feels it will never grow into a relationship. perhaps a lack of face to face communication there? on the other hand, if there's other things holding her back, whether directly your cause or not, that has to be dealt with or I would say its time to move on. its not just about having her back and being with her, but rather getting to the root of other problems that caused her to change her mind
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 August 2016):
 If she doesn't love you enough to try to overcome her issues, then the relationship will never work.
Fair play to her, she has been honest with you. Listen to what she is saying and move on with your life. Go cold turkey until you feel stronger (or maybe even forever) and break all contact, otherwise you will just keep hurting.
There is never just one person for each of us. There are many. We just have to put in the effort and go out and find them.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 There's nothing much that you can do. She doesn't want to be with you. Sadly, that's life. Sometimes things just don't work out but remember, whatever happens is for the best. Move on graciously.
Never ever beg to be with someone, never chase them and never give them an ultimatum. Be with someone who wants to be with you, who can't live a single day without you... Not someone who can't commit to you and has commitment issues after a year and a half. If things haven't changed yet, they never will.
Stop chasing her and giving her any importance. You've invested enough into this already. Cut off all contact and don't be her back-up guy or the "friend" that she calls at 2:00 in the morning complaining about boyfriend problems.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 By accepting that she isn't "the One". The fantasy that YOU build (I'll quote you)
" I could see a future with her as far as saying I'd be happy to marry her"
THAT is a fantasy, because she WASN'T wanting the same thing WITH you.
Therefore, as much as you care about her and find her someone you COULD see yourself with long term, she didn't. IF she was "the one" for you.... wouldn't she want to BE with you? Wouldn't SHE be on the same page, in the same book?
Take from that relationship this things you LIKE in a partner, and the things you don't and then put it to practice finding someone WHO DOES want to be with you.
Life is a series of lessons, take from them what you can.
As for her? CUT the contact 100%, block her, delete her, do not give her ACCESS to you any more. She might regret her decision down the line if she finds herself feeling lonely, but that doesn't MEAN she has overcome the issue of not wanting to commit - it only means she is lonely and YOU were the last good thing in her life.
Want more for yourself. And be glad she didn't waste any more of your time.
chin up, and let her go.
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