A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Earlier this year my boyfriend of 6 years wanted to go for a very promising job opportunity and encouraged me to go for it as well. He said it wouldn't matter that we worked together, though I was sceptical as I don't want us to see 'too much' of each other. Well my boyfriend got the job and I got put on the waiting list. He started his job and he is the only guy out of many young women. He has made lots of female friends and loves his job. I'm quite happy in my current job, but recently got offered a job at my boyfriend's place.I'm probably not going to take the job anyway, as we live together so I don't want us to be around each other all the time. However last night my boyfriend expressed his concern "I just don't want you to get jealous with what I say to other women, and be asking 'what were you talking to her about? ' " He then said "for example if I said something to someone such as..." then he stopped talking, and said he was talking nonsense and didn't mean anything by it.I asked him what he meant, and said that of course I won't be upset - unless I actually have something to be upset about, in which case he should tell me because I have a right to know. He said he loves me and doesn't flirt with other women. He also said it would have been better for us to work together if we had started at the same time. The thing is - I love my boyfriend, but he always tells me what I want to hear and often tells white lies. I trust him not to cheat, but honestly sometimes I don't know whether he's telling me the truth.I don't think I want to work with him anyway, but the reason he gave almost scares me and makes me wonder what he's got to hide.Yesterday he told me his team was called into the office because someone on his team had said something that offended someone, and HR was going to be contacted. He told me he was scared it was him, but didn't know anything in particular he had said but was a bit nervous.He has been super loving to me since then and really lovely to me but honestly I'm starting to wonder if he is different at work - if he's a big flirt? Should I tell him I'm taking the job, just to see what he says?
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female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 August 2016):
 maybe he doesn't want you blow his cover with the 'LADIES' or "lady' that he is in fact taken. Kinda seems odd and a bit suss to first encourage you to take the job then make up reasons as such not too. Sorry but thats my take on it. One guy, and all girls....boy what a party pooping experience to have the gf take his sunshine away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2016): Hi
I have an inclination to believe that he is doing this to get back at you for saying you were worried about spending too much time together and that it would therefore be a bad idea for you both to work together. I think he wants you to regret saying that. I could be way off the mark obviously and you would know if the timing of what you said and when he made these remarks fit or not, but this reminds me of something an ex did.
I could no longer live with my ex because of his behaviour (I'm not saying there's any similarity between him and your boyfriend)and was surprised when he didn't dump me for moving out and living elsewhere. But after I had been looking for somewhere to live for a couple of days, he mentioned that he had been thinking of opening a shop in a location which was about 150 miles away, saying that if we weren't going to see each other much, he may as well. He didn't of course and it was a manipulative move, but he had me worried.
As I say, not sure if this is what's happening in your situation, but bells rang. Is there any other behaviour of his that makes you question what he's doing and why?
I'm not sure why a loving boyfriend would tell you he was worried about these offensive remarks being about something he's said, when he knows he's already worried you about this kind of behaviour? Sounds like he's trying to worry you some more. And it has, to the point of you asking these questions.
Please, if you want to of course, post anything else that he does that makes you question him and it could make things clearer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 Don't take a job so you can "spy" on your partner. If you are happy where you are at and have prospect of promotions then don't change job. CERTAINLY not so you can "watch" him interact with other women.
If he is nervous about getting in trouble with the HR, then he clearly have NOT been treating his female colleagues with respect or in a professional manner. That however, doesn't mean he is trying to cheat.
I'd HATE to work with a partner who goes all "go-go ga-ga" because he is on a team of women. I mean seriously, how old is he?
Sit him down and talk boundaries. Even if you are NOT there, doesn't mean he shouldn't consider how he is behaving. Ask him how HE would feel if a guy YOU worked with had acted like he does at work, see what he says.
Maybe that slap on the wrist from HR will do him good. (if he is the culprit).
He probably IS different at work. He is new there and trying to impress ALL the co-workers. I'm sure YOU are a little different at work too.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 August 2016):
 Absolutely definitely 100% NOT! Don't torture yourself this way. Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, take a good look at your relationship and either repair it or bin it. If you do, leave him to enjoy his friendships with his colleagues without having to look over his shoulder. (I have a number of close male friends at work but it does not mean I want to bed even one of them!)Your point about him telling you what you want to hear, regardless of whether it is true or not, did make me wonder if you give him a hard time if you don't hear what you want to. Or maybe he uses this to manipulate you? Either way, I think you need to review how your relationship works.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 August 2016):
 He just wants to stimulate a bit of insecurity in you. Maybe that makes him feel powerful and flattered that you fear losing him. He already got you thinking a lot. What I would do is just make it a non issue. Many men tease their women but actually don't do anything out of line. I don't think he has anything to hide but rather he's anxious about his new job and his mind got too imaginative. You should tell him you are taking the job and lightheartedly joke that you would be watching him like a hawk.
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