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female
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anonymous
writes: so i had to go with my parents to visit neighbors because they invited us..i am in my mid twenties and pretty much come to the conclusion i don't like them because most of them in the family are very stuck up and judgemental. We went to be nice more than anything elseAnd i am very private but i knew it was going to come up with asking what it is i do now..and it did..3 times the guy tried asking in a joking way what do you do, how many more years til retirement and i actually just laughed it off..but by the third time he he asked i said i work at a brokerage firm..and then he asked and what is it that i do there..and i said i work in the marketing departmentand then he actually asked where in the city is it and then said oh so is it facing this building and i had no idea what he was talking about and i almost joked saying well we don't have windows..so then it was asked if i had a cubicle and i said yeaAnd he even asked what i did before and i said a lawfirm(during college) and he actually asked what i did there..and i said well that was during college, i was a receptionist.I felt so angry on the inside because i felt like it was just way too nosy to be asking me these questions..it felt pointed and judgementalWould anyone else feel the same way? I still feel angry about it..i didn't want them to know anything about what i do and i avoided it for years..he even asked the name of the place..it is almost like he wants to label how "good" i am or something....Would anyone else feel the same? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tdntuck  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Your neighbour's line of questioning or conversation isn't uncommon at all for people socializing and getting to know one another.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (8 November 2010):
You seriously got angry at this? I guess maybe it's the people and you think you already know how they are, but it sounds like he's just making conversation with you. Usually it's called being "nice" and trying to act like they care about your life when they probably don't. I do this all the time.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I'm generally a very private person as well, and do often feel similar questions can be a bit intrusive. 'What do you do?' isn't by any means, but being asked by an acquaintance exactly where the building is seems to be. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it and was just making conversation, but sometimes people just don't know what else to say. This type of thing often happened to me whenever I attended a family party, relatives would ask for specific details like my college teachers' names or if/who I was dating, which I found really annoying. Try not to take it personally, lots of people are the same way and you'll surely run into them at some point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): i think i would regard it as intrusive and uncalled for. Sometimes people from a different culture have different social norms and expectations. I had something similar when i attended a wedding where 50% of the guests were from a background different to my own. One very attractive man at our table asked me about my business, wanted to know what our turnover was, (my answer was 'adequate') and about what school the children attend and what are the annual fees at the school, when did we buy our home, what did we pay for it. I found it very rude and offputting. My answers were becoming shorter and less explanatory. By question ten i was feeling like i was being interrorgated. And his rude lack of empathy was getting to me. So before he launched into his next question i asked him, 'have you noticed i have not asked you any questions?' he looked at me surprised at the concept. So i continued, 'that should be a clue to you. If i followed up your question to me, with a question to you from me, then that would be in invitation to continue with your 40 questions. But i did not'. I don't think he had ever thought about it. But he started to understand and asked, 'am i asking too many questions?' i replied , 'yes' and so we went on to a discussion about his culture, where he saw his behaviour as 'normal', but realised that it was not normal to demand answers to private information in my circle of friends. We then had a less intrusive discussion about the view across the river from the venue.
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female
reader, RennieGeek +, writes (8 November 2010):
Asking what someone does for a living, and what they did before that, is a very typical question and I am surprised that you have not heard that before.
Even asking where it is located is pretty normal. I've heard that before.
I think you went with a preconceived notion in you head about how these people are, and took his questions the wrong way.
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I think the neighbor was just trying to get to know you....his questions were not uncommon at all.
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (8 November 2010):
No. I think you felt that way because you dont care for him much. Maybe he was trying to be smart, but the questions were normal. Next time, flip it on the person and bombard them with questions. You-"I work at a brokerage firm. Btw, what do you do? Do you like it? How long have you been doing that?" yada yada yada. Keep asking questions until your heart is content.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 No, I don't think anyone else would automatically feel the same. I think he was most probably just making conversation. All of his questions seem normal to me - I might have asked them myself. OK, maybe there is some neighbourly rivalry there, but his questions weren't odd.
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