A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - I am due to move out to Oz to be with my boyfriend (he's 33 I'm 37) soon but he is cricket obsessed. I know he has always been really into playing it and there is no way I would get in the way of that in essence (he played since an early age in the UK) but we are supposed to be getting a new lifestyle in Oz and I want to enjoy it and have fun and he has sold me that concept. I cannot work until we have the right visa together so I will be studying at home most of the day. He has told me that he will be training two nights a week or possibly Sunday mornings also and they play from lunchtime Saturday until into the evening. He has told me that during the cricket season we cannot be spontaneous and will have to work round the cricket at the weekends - "thats how it is". Basically training starts early August and the season for cricket seems to be 6 - 8 months. He gets very angry and defensive when I say that I think it takes up a lot of time and he seems happy for me to find my own things to do in fact he almost mocks me saying "well surely there are things you can be doing". He also tells me that every male in Oz is obsessed with sport and does something at the weekend so I would not find anyone else that isn't. My view is that not all sports take up so much time. I think this is going to create resentment when we are both in the same country and I will feel isolated. He has said he will try and take some time out maybe train less but he's just told me he's signed up to provide some skills coaching so that is clearly not going to happen. I know that peer pressure with this kind of sport will mean there is no way he will get out of a match and anyway it would be down to me nagging which I don't want to do and anyway women are always criticised for getting in the way of mens sport. We have talked and talked about it and there seems no compromise situation. I just don't know what to do... i'm beginning to wonder about this 'new life' in Oz. What should I do now??? I have visions of spending most of my week alone or not really with my boyfriend. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I am interested to know if he played cricket here in the UK, when you were together, and at what level. I am positive that you knew he was dedicated. He sounds like a typical sporty guy - much like any guy who plays soccer at a decent level here. Training two nights a week, and a game on a Saturday, maybe a Sunday morning does not sound unusual at all. If he played soccer that much in the UK where you live, would you still be worried?
It sounds like you are very nervous about moving to Australia in the first place. You have simply projected your fears onto your boyfriend by worrying about how much time you will spend alone in a new world, with no family, friends, or familiarity.
It is not his fault. I'm sure he has always spent this much time involved in his beloved sport. Don't try to change him, as he will resent you for it. Instead, talk to him about whether you can come along. While cricket itself may not float your boat, there are bound to be other wives, girlfriends and partners there who will have sympathy with you. Try getting to know them, and become part of his sport, instead of working against it.
If you love this man, then trust your judgement, and give it a try. I have never been to Australia, and never want to, but if my partner suddenly decided to move to say, Woomera, I would have to go, and give it my best shot. I hear they are begging for people with career skills as well, and the wages are great, so I doubt you will be bored for very long.
I think whatever time you spend with him will be worthwhile. After all, he is already there, right? So you are not seeing him at all at the moment. It's your decision, but you seem to have created an issue BEFORE you've had the experience.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 I guess it comes down to you. How adventurous are you? Can you handle being alone or are you a person who is quite capable of making friends of her own? If you have second doubt now, it might not be the best thing for you, since you will be looking for failure rather then finding a way to make this work for you too.
Do you have work skills? So when you do get your Visa you can find a job fairly easy?
Moving all the way "Down under" is a BIG thing. You give up seeing family and friend ( at least see them often) You will have to wait a while to be able to work, so finances might be tight for a while too?
Have you considered setting a time line? Say 6-12 months to see how it goes? It might not be for you. I say this because I'm a military spouse, and we move around A LOT, it is not for everyone for sure. For me though, I have no choice really if I want to keep my family together, but you do. Also I like seeing new places meeting new people. I have never had a problem being on my own, I can't remember the last time I felt "alone".
Having a BF/partner who has a passion for something isn't always bad. It will leave you plenty of time to explore and make friends of your own.
Where about do you two plan to go?
So really it comes down to this:
Is making this HUGE move something you really want or are you feeling that you are doing it to please your man?
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Hi,
Your boyfriend is right about Australian men being obsessed with sport, not all, but most. You shouldn't worry too much about being left alone though because in a lot of sporting clubs the partners are very much included in the social aspect. Apart from that you will probably find it fairly easy to make friends because Aussies are a friendly bunch, and there are a hell of a lot of British people here too, particularly in Queensland and West Australia. If I was you I'd be grateful that cricket is his sport and not football, because the footy-heads are by far the worst for being maniacal about their sport. I think you will love the place once you get here and start to settle in to your new life. So, welcome to Australia and good luck! I hope you love it. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Saturday, Sunday and two nights a week playing cricket? That's a lot of cricket. I don't think you'd be seeing much of him at all, given that Aussie males like a few beers in the evening along with their mates whilst leaving their other half at home doing the cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids.
The word 'Incompatible' springs to mind here. Unless you can spend an equal amount of time out with the girls or taking part in some hobby of your own that coincides with the timing of the cricket, you're going to be rather lonely for most of the year in a strange (well, strange-ish) country. If I were you I'd think very carefully about committing yourself to this.
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