A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i am hopin someone can help me here, prefferably a female. I know a girl whom I am attracted to but she is not interested in me just want to be friends. i am a nice guy. steady job, supportive, relaitvely stable, kind, et cetera. But she doesnt like me.Who does she like? well, her last couple of boyfriends were older and into material things like fancy cars. they also treated her like s**t. one was openly sleeping with other women, another dropped her after she bought him an expensive present. she has also dated a couple of married men.she seems like a nice girl (maybe materialistic a little) so why does she want these guys who treat like doggy doo?? am i missing something??? thanx muchly. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx to everyone. your answers have given me a lot to think about. i guess the truth is ,like has been pointed out here, is why i am attracted to a girl like this. maybe the show is really on the other foot,and i shuld ask myself why I am attracted to a bad girl rather then the other way around.
thanx very very much.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (1 December 2010):
it is not realy about good or bad
but naturally women love kind hearted strong men
and feel discomfort about pretty type soft guys
yet there are exceptions but i am speeking in general
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 December 2010):
 Why do guys swear because they've managed to hold down a job and not act like an ass they must be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Maybe she just doesn't like YOU, specifically. No need to wonder about her daddy issues or her past dating life. If she doesn't like you, move on to someone who does and stop thinking you're entitled to her because you're "normal". Sheesh.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): A person's tastes can tell you alot about that person so I ask you, what attracts you so much to this woman? I mean, as you describe, she likes materialistic men who drive nice cars and treat her like dirt. Either that or she likes married men. What does that tell you about her? That tells me that she doesn't have very high self esteem (cause a woman with high self esteem wouldn't allow a guy to treat her like dirt). It shows that she is superficial and probably not that smart(she will date someone simply because he has a nice car and therefore appears to have money regardless of education level, intellect, manners etc). It shows that she doesn't have solid morals (because a woman with solid morals would not date married men.) So in a vague nutshell, she is an amoral women with struggling self esteem who can't see past the surface of things.
So while you are pondering what on earth she sees in these men, I am pondering what on earth you see in this woman. See what I am getting at?
To each his own really. You need to respect people and their tastes even when they are different from your own tastes and expectations. You can't change people. And as you see, while you find her liking of these men odd, I also find your liking of this woman odd (as explained above).
So she doesn't feel it for you. Well not everybody is going to like you, it doesn't matter who you are, how good looking you are, how rich you are. If someone doesn't like you they just don't. You can't take it personally or try to bash their past affairs in an effort to make sense of it. That's not fair to her and it is unnecessary. You need to just respect her feelings, respect her lifestyle choices and move on. There is someone out there who will reciprocate your interest. It's just not her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): She probably has unresolved conflicts with her father.
I would give her a pass and look for a woman who is more mature and together.
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female
reader, rez  +, writes (1 December 2010):
I'd agree with lotsalove above. A guy who is too keen/nice/whatever drives me away. I'd much rather the thrill of the chase and treat em mean really does apply. However once we like the guy and have been with them for a period of time we don't want to be treated like shit (I've just gone through this myself). So my advice is to not act too keen in the beginning until you have your lady invested in you to some degree.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): its like the same for guys, u like good girls, but sexy. no offence but its not the jerkiness girls are after, its there sence of style we like. they know how to flirt better, probley because of their exstreme amount of experience!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I know a guy whom is attracted to a girl who is not interested in him. She just wants to be friends.
The guy is a nice guy. steady job, supportive, relaitvely stable, kind, et cetera. But she doesnt like him, in a romantic way..
Who does she like? well, her last couple of boyfriends were older and into material things like fancy cars. they also treated her like s**t. one was openly sleeping with other women, another dropped her after she bought him an expensive present. she has also dated a couple of married men.
she seems like a nice girl (maybe materialistic a little) so why does she want these guys who treat like doggy doo?? am i missing something???
The guy seems like a nice guy, he's all those things that would seem to be desired by a girl, but she is just not interested in him. "
In the meantime, there are lovely girls who might be a bit overweight or who are painfully shy or who aren't physically ideal or perfect, but who are overlooked by guys because they don't conform to the ideal picture. Maybe their personality would be a perfect match for a guy, but the guy never even sees her, because he is hung up on some girl who has an attraction to emotionally unavailable guys.
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So, the thing is, the sad and ugly thing is that sometimes, the person you really really like and want to be with, doesn't want you back. It sucks, it stinks, there's nothing good about it. Nothing.
She simply isn't attracted to you in that way.
My advice is to stop trying to figure HER out and figure out why you are stuck on a girl who is clearly not going to be a suitable partner for you. Why are YOU focused on a girl who is not a good bet for you? What's going on in YOUR life and your head? Why waste time trying to figure HER issues out when YOUR issues seem to be just as much a problem?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Dated a couple of married men, dates men that treat her like shit and doesn't like the decent guy. But she's a nice girl. Hmm..
I think you're better off finding someone more suited to you and someone who actually liked you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (1 December 2010):
Hi there. Perhaps at the moment she really doesn't know what she wants.
She might at the moment be getting to know herself better and trying to work out her goals. Relationships might not be on her mind right now. It's possible.
It might not be that she doesn't like you. More that she just doesn't want to get involved with anyone at the moment. Not you personally, but everyone generally.
At the moment, she probably has higher priorities than relationships. Perhaps she is finding purpose in her life.
Don't feel that you have to buy a fancy car and treat her like dirt, just to win her. That would be the worst thing you could possibly do, because that's just not who you are. You always need to be true to yourself, and live your life with integrity.
Don't ever pretend to be something that you are not, just to try to please someone else. It never works.
Well at least if you can be friends, it's a start. A lot of relationships start out as two people who are good friends, and over time it can develop from there.
Just see how it goes from now on, but you can't force it to be anything more if she's not ready.
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I felt a grin come across my face reading this because its oh so familiar. Just when you thought women couldnt get anymore complicated, we do. Ideally we want the 'nice' guy with the steady job, steady life and who is generally reliable BUT as much as thats what we need... we crave danger and the guy who lives on the edge. 'The Bad Boy'. Women are materialistic. Any woman who tells you shes not - is lying. If a guy pulls up in a flash car, we're impressed. Just like the saying goes 'Treat em mean, keep em keen' is true when it comes to us women. If a guy doesnt call us, treats us like sh*t, plays headgames, makes us chase him etc, we weirdly attract to them because they're always keeping us on our toes. Where as if a guy is predictable, it bores us.
Honestly, id continue being yourself. Dont play bad boy to attract any woman, some guys are naturally bad, some guys havent got a bad bone in their body. When we're young we crave the bad boy and his antics, but as you get older you realise that theres more to life than fast cars and living spontaneously, you need stability to grow up!
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