A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I haven't had any experience with this kind of thing myself but I'm just curious to hear opinions.You sometimes hear from men that their partners are always too tired for sex or are stressed etc. I know that obviously some men are going to get annoyed from that and feel insulted unless they're a serious sex pest who is asking for sex 24/7.What my question is though is how would you women feel if a man said he was too tired or something for sex? I guess it happens a lot less because you don't really hear of many men turning sex down. So how as a women would you feel if your partner turned down sex with you?Just out of curiosity really. My mind wonders to keep me from being excesively bored at work.
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (24 January 2013):
It's funny because a guy turning down a woman for sex is almost considered blasphemous, but the opposite is seen as normal. If a guy turns down sex say once in a month (just throwing numbers around) I think it's def no big deal, guys get tired just like women. But if it's say 50% of the time then you have to question are you compatible? Also it depends on what you mean by turn down. There are times I have been not in the mood for sex but i'll do my best to please her for example go down on her or let her go on top so at least she gets what she want's and it's the same with her. You should never really need to turn down sex unless there is clearly an issue, e.g periods or on the mans side he's under pressure from job, someone in his family died, you know common sense stuff.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (23 January 2013):
 If it happens once in a while, it's not a problem. If it happens almost every time you initiate, it's a big problem (in my experience). I had an ex who had a slightly lower sex drive than me at first, and then a few months later his libido went to almost nil. Eventually I stopped initiating, and he would hardly ever initiate (by this time I felt unattractive, unsexy and resentful). We became more like best friends and we broke up. Not just because of the lack of sex, but it played a large part.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses. I figured it would feel like that to you all if it was a constant thing.
I didn't however realise it was so common. I'm kinda new here but I'm liking it so far. Helps me prevent boredom by asking and replying to questions. I guess because like one response said people don't really go around telling others they rejected sex for whatever reason you only hear about it from people who have been rejected.
I'm surprised that just from the small number of responders to this question that it has happened to the majority. I guess at my age it isn't really something I'm going to have much experience with. Then again at my age I don't have much experience in many things in life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 "I guess it happens a lot less because you don't really hear of many men turning sex down."
No, it happens frequantly, and just as often as women turning men down for sex. Men and women are, in fact, exactly the same when it comes to sex. But socially, culturally, men are "supposed" to want sex all the time, and women are "supposed" to not want sex. So in public, it's unheard of for a man to complain that his woman wont leave him alone, just like it's unheard of for a woman to complain that her husband/boyfriend doesn't want sex with her. Don't get me wrong, I've heard my fair share of complains and read tons of questions from frustrated ladies. However, in public and face to face, people don't talk about it really. It's embarassing for many.
And, often young men, or insecure men (women too for that matter), will lie about what actually goes on in the bedroom. A man might try to fit in with friends, and complain about the lack of sex just because his mates do it, and he wants to fit in. But in reality, it might be him who is turning her down.
How does it make women feel to be turned down for sex? Makes us feel the exact same way that men feel when they get turned down. If it happens just once in a while we shrug it off and maybe sulk a little, but get over it. If it happens often... Well then it makes you feel unwanted, unloved, not attractive, not sexy enough, not good enough.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 it happens very frequently…. Especially at my house… I always worry that it’s me. It’s not me. It’s him. He’s tired. Or depressed. Or he feels fat or unsexy. Seriously. At least that’s what he says.
When it happens once in a while, I’m ok with it. When it happens week after week (as it did around the time he had a lot on his mind with a new job, new home, and a wedding) I fear he’s not attracted to me.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (23 January 2013):
 It happens very often actually if you look through this site. For me, it stings a little, but when it's just an occasional thing it doesn't bother me longer than a few minutes. If it was happening a lot it would probably hurt my confidence in the way I look and our relationship. I can't really remember the last time either of us turned down the other though, it doesn't happen often.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Cerberus hit it on the head. I'm going through it myself and I'm female in my almost mid twenties. I also see tons of q's on this site where its the women who are in despair because they get rejected or have to intiate all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): This is how they feel OP http://www.dearcupid.org/question/feeling-neglected-why-doesnt-my-partner-want-to.html
It's a very common question, this is always the way it goes and it really hurts their self-confidence if they're refused too often, not only that but you'll find even women who get a lot of sex feel pretty shitty if they're the ones who have to initiate all the time.
We actually get far more questions from women here about that than guys. It seems men's biggest complaint sexually is that their partner has lost their self esteem and is just not sexual anymore because of that.
If this site is anything to go by OP I have to say women are far more sexual and for far longer than us guys are. The pattern I've noticed is that guys tend be very sexual at the start and then get lazy after a few years.
Women are generally either highly sexed or frigid from the start. The only difference is they have a lot more hormonal and emotional triggers for loss of libido than we do, pregnancy, menopause etc.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 January 2013):
 It happens WAY more than you think, if you search this site you will find that a lot of women have a higher libido than their partner and they are looking for ways to get their partner's to want sex more often.
So a lot of women are turned down for sex, and it feels the same as a man would feel if he is turned down for sex - it sucks! It knocks your confidence, you wonder if they dont find you attractive anymore, you feel frustrated, horny, unsatisfied...all the usual stuff when you dont get to have sex.
My boyfriend often turns me down for sex, I have a higher sex drive than he does and often our schedules just mean that we dont make enough time to have sex. He likes it in the mornings, I like it in the evenings, I like staying up late, he likes going to bed early...all these things get in the way so when I want sex at night I normally get turned down. I supposed after nearly 14 months together I am getting used to it and I dont ask for sex as much now, it doesnt really affect our relationship and we are happy together, we just need to learn to make more time for sex and spend less time working or doing other hobbies.
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