A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:(Mod note: Titled by poster)Ok, so I was wanting to know if I should wish an ex a happy birthday if he broke up with me because I was too "clingy?" His birthday is 3 weeks away...will it seem like I want him back if I do?Also, he said that he doesn't want to be friends with me "right now" at the time of the breakup, and I believe he left me for someone else. I know, I know, I shouldn't worry about it and move on, but it's easier said than done. I still care about him. I don't want him back romantically, I miss our friendship because we were together for 2 years so there's history there...We haven't had contact with each other in 2 months...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): There is someone out there who would love to get a birthday text from you, don't waste it on some one who won't. Break-ups are hard, and two months isn't that long in heart break land, is there a chance you want to text him thinking he might text back? Do you still want to be with him? His b'day isn't for another 3 weeks, he seems to be using a lot of your energy. Break ups are horrid and it sounds like he was pretty insensitive to you. I think its time to dust yourself off and put all that energy into yourself, not him.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (25 February 2010):
 I think you should just let his birthday come and go. The truly considerate thing to do is to have no contact, just as he asked.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Words said in anger should enter one ear and leave another.It should never be remembered or placed in the heart.
When a person is angry as when you break up or quarrel , they will say hurtful words but it not the truth and they do not really mean it .
They are just lashing out in blind fury because they are in pain. Their minds are irrational and not their normal self.
Since it has been two months, much water has flowed under the bridge and those hurtful words are still ringing in your ears.
Many things would have changed and he could have regretted saying those words to you .The anger is gone and in hindsight he could have some remorse and regrets about this breakup.
It is time to throw those hurtful words into the river and bid them goodbye.
Sending a birthday card shows that you still care about him and it does not mean that you are clingy.
Even though you are no more a g/f to him , you can still be a normal friend .
You have kicked the ball to his feet. It is now up to him if he wants to kick it back to you and start a new game.
If you go fishing , you will need to be patient and wait for the fish to nibble and bite on your bait.Once he bites on the bait and is hooked, you can slowly reel him in.
The question is, will he take your bait ?
If he ignores you or does not send any replies or invite you to his birthday party , it is still not the end of the world yet.
You could just text him and asked about his welfare like a good friend . Don't spam his phone though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Why would you send a birthday card/text to someone who has said they didn't even want to be friends with you? I understand its a nice gesture, but what is the real reason you're sending it? Is it in the hope you'll get something back? If not, remember (even though he sounds a bit rude himself) that he has said he doesn't want anything more from you, so really, it would be inconsiderate a message anyway. Its hard, but try not to think about him, because its obvious he doesn't think of you. And you are worth so much more than that!!! Shame on him to let you think otherwise. There's a guy somewhere out there that would love to get a text from you, don't waste your effort and feelings on someone who doesn't.hope your ok x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Let him go. He made it clear that right now he does not want to be friends. Let him do the running if he wants you as a friend. My way of thinking is that ex's should be left in the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Well even though its his bday and under another circumstance I would say, "why not," this case is different. He broke up with you and he claims that you are clingy and he doesn't want to be friends. In this case I would not wish him a happy bday and just don't say anything. On the part where you miss his "friendship" well a true "friend" wouldn't dump you because you are clingy and want pretty much nothing to do with you "at the moment" which generally in relationships is a nice way of saying "its over for good." So let's face it, this man is not your friend. It is however natural that you miss him and that you feel hurt. Perfectly natural. Let yourself grieve because no matter how you put it, this was a loss in your life. However, respect his wishes and above all have respect for yourself. This man wants nothing to with you because you are clingy (btw that's an insult). Then no do not wish him a happy bday. Show him that you are not what he thinks you are. And remember the most attractive quality of all is dignity. Take care.
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (25 February 2010):
 From personal experience, I wouldn't send him anything. Senior year, I had asked a good friend from high school if we wanted to take our relationship to the next level and he rejected me. Throughout high school, I'd send him a birthday card and I continued to do so after the rejection. But it just felt rather awkward and I never got a "happy birthday" from him, so after a while, I just stopped.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Send a casual card or message and just happy birthday, hope things are going good for you. It just shows that you don't want him to fall off the face of the earth and that you care. Its not clingy, like Miamine said it is considerate and in the end he will see it as a nice gesture.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Yes it will. You've broken up and I don't think there's any need to be sending him any texts. He's been clear in telling you that he doesn't want any involvement with you (even as friends) so I think you should let it go.
You say you don't want him back romantically but are you sure about that? I think you need to ask yourself why you really want to send this text. There has to be some sort of motivation on your part here. He's already said that he doesn't want to be friends so what do you think the text will achieve?
So you send it to him and he replies and says thanks and that's it. What then? Will you feel any better or different? That's why you have to ask yourself why you want to send it and what you think you will get out of it.
I think you'd be better off letting this go. He's moved on and so should you.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Christmas cards and birthday cards are perfectly alright. Just don't put in any romantic words, Twice a year contact just to wish good tidings, dosen't sound clingy, it sounds considerate.
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