A
female
age
36-40,
*orina
writes:(Mod note: Titled by poster)hello!i am in a distance relationship for almost one year and half. we met each other 2 times. once he came to me and than i went to his place. as we are not the same nationality. after i came back from his place i just felt more in love with him and i just felt weird as that was the beginning of the problems. i have almost 1 month we are just arguing and he is telling me that the problem is that we talk too much on skype. i was shocked of this reaction and i was so sad. he tried to explain to me that he loves me so much and he just want our relationship to be healthy and he don't want to get bored from internet. he is suggesting me to have more space and to have more time to meet our friends wherever we are, to take care of our job and so we can be more excited when we talk on the internet... i, to be honest, don't understand this. we just talk online as we try hard to see each other like once in 3-4 months and i thought this is the strong point of our relationship. i seriously don't understand him. he always says that he loves me so much and he buys me things to give to me when he comes here to meet me but he don't want to talk to me as much as we used to.sometimes he talks to me like before but i see his reaction and he just does this to make me happy. this kills me. i don't have the power to not talk to him. i try to lie to him and tell him that i will go out with friends and not talk as much as he wants but I'm just too stressed and i just stay home crying and getting depressed. i don't know what to think and i don't know what to do. i know he loves me and i love him to, but i have the feeling that if we talk less it will keep going like this. always more less until we lose the feelings...that's how i feel if i do what he wants.why is this happening? can anyone try to explain me something? and tell me something i can try to do? please don't tell me i have to try to talk less and meet my friends more and have more times with them. this is something i don't want to do...just looking at him makes me feel good... :'(
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female
reader, lorina +, writes (26 February 2010):
lorina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you! :))
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 i know it's a bitersweet experience, there is good and bad. Feel free to message me anytime!
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female
reader, lorina +, writes (26 February 2010):
lorina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionur message encouraged and discouraged at the same time. knowing that u are in a 5 years LDR makes me feel good and what ur feeling right now is the other side of the coin... but i totally understand and it is normal i think. distance is the worst enemy of a couple and i agree so much wiht the fact that people do not grow together and this is not healthy.
we try to meet each other as much as we can. he is working in a company that travels A LOT. actually this month he wanted to come here, for valentines and he couldn't cuz of work. since 14th until now he traveled in 3 countries working. so this makes a litle bit hard from his side. from my side is the barrier of getting the visa and also im still a student and i just work part time to try to raise some money just to meet him.
we don't know when we meet but we try. he is trying to come here in 2 weeks if he does not have another work and it will be 3 months after i meet him in his country.
well about getting married with him... i don't know, i cant tell. sometimes we make jokes with each other like we are married, we talk about future like we are married but never something serious. i don't know if this is too early as we know each other just 1.5 year. to be honest id really like to know something about this point right now that we still are doing fine.
but this will be totally another topic as there are inside other problems ill have to explain u.
... im so sorry u are confused in ur feelings for the future but im happy and i envy u that soon you are going to move together. it will be like a new world for u and i wish u all the best! u really helped. i really needed someone in the same conditions i am to explain me things. i read a book that helped me understand the men's world but still there are other things just experience shows u. this book is : men are from mars women are from venus. it is a great book! if u didnt read it i suggest it to u... :))
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 February 2010):
My relationship started and has been long distance for 5 years. He went into the Marines while I went to college. He's been in two tours, the first 9 mo., the one right now, 7 mo. He's getting out of the Marines in several months, where we expect to move in together, go to law school together, and I think we'll just see where things take us.
The worst thing about LDRs is not just the missing the person and the pain that causes, although that is pretty bad, but more that..it is what I consider, a stunted relationship. You're not able to learn together/ from each other as easily as it comes when you're living with them or dating them, seeing their habits and their quirks all the time, and I don't think there's anything better than face to face interaction, physical affection to show one's emotional affection towards another, those things are impossible to replace, even video chat doesn't do the trick really. This is why I am still a little unsure if our relationship will result in marriage or break up, which is kind of bad not to know at this point; in my experience a long distance relationship makes it hard to know where the relationship is going sometimes, because you don't grow together, you don't develop as a couple, merge as one entity.
Because of this, I do feel there is a cap to the length of time one can handle LDRs. 5 years is..insane, I don't recommend it, and I am almost positive I wouldn't last another year. Do you see the end of the distance in the future, or is there something grounding you and your partner in your respective areas? How often do you get to see him?
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female
reader, lorina +, writes (26 February 2010):
lorina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell still it is hard to accept it but it looks fair i have to trust in love more... as i want the best of what im involved to. i will just think of this reason n i will try to talk less... even it is not what i want... thank you! :)
what about ur relationship, is it going ok how long have u been in a distance relationship ? do u think further than a relationship??
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 February 2010):
I understand that it is maximum three hours and on and off at that, but that is a little out of control. you should try to find somewhere where you two can meet in the middle..ask what amount of contact he feels comfortable, voice your comfort level and try to average the two maybe? I understand the comfort thing you're saying and how you feel like you have limited options because it is a long distance relationship, but just try to trust in your love and know that not being there doesn't mean that neither of you care for each other less. i definitely think it can be a good thing, an 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' kind of thing. good luck, though, i know it's tough.
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female
reader, lorina +, writes (25 February 2010):
lorina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto fishdish:well it is not so long time for us.. at least thats how i feel. i have to go to work at 12 until 3:30 and than after this time i have to run to take my university's classes so i go home around 8-9 pm so we talk on skype during that time until max 12 midnight. sometimes we talk by just typing and sometimes we text each other.i know its un healthy to spend the hole day with just one person but as u see that's how much we talk and also we are far away, we have to keep the relationship warmed up until something somehow may change this situation.sometimes we just stay online and we don't talk at all. he does his work online and i just study or do something else and makes me feel good just knowing that he is there and he can talk to me. anyway it is so hard for me to give him more space... im trying to do it but that it will be me having problems and not happy at all
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 He doesn't want the burden of being the only thing that could make you happy, either online or in person. He wants you to appreciate what you have that's accessible to you, and not miss him so much. He feels powerless when he can't be near you to make you happy. Everytime you talk you remind him how far you are from each other. When he feels like a conversation should end, he should be able to end it without any guilt caused by you. You cannot mend the distance by talking. I am not a fan of long distance relationships. If neither one of you plans on moving or getting married soon (obviously the distance does not allow you time to get to know each other better), it's not going to work out. No one can force you to get with friends. Maybe find out your life purpose. What are you going to do to make the world a better place? Can you find the happiness within rather than demanding the world to give it to you? I think these are more important questions than a guy living in another country.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 February 2010):
I am in a long distance relationship too and I've had my boyfriend say this to me too, and i've had the same hurt reaction but when i give him space it makes him that much more into it when we do talk. I have several questions: how long do you two talk at a time? And is it once a day or more? Do you or he run out of things to talk about? it can be unhealthy to totally spend your time with one person and he may feel a little suffocated. maybe try skyping every other day?
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