A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for over 3 yrs - He says he loves me - My b-day just came and went and he jokingly told others his gift to me was that I could be his friend for another year - I am so sad - this is the same man who says he loves me - I don't get it - We both are divorced - really bad marriages - He tells others and me that I am the best thing that has happened to him and he cant live without me - He tells them that he does not want to marry again - He is on dating sites but says he does not want to go out with anyone else - I am not sure how to take this - He doesnt really answer when I make comments about this - He does make plans for the future including ten yrs and more away - Talk of when we retire etc and house projects ( his house ) He refers to us often in the royal 'we' - Am I a fool for thinking he may make a commitment? Some tell me why ruin it by marriage - I never thought I would want to get married again - but I dont want to be wasting my time either - We are quite compatible - although he didnt get me anything specific for my b-day - including not singing happy b-day to me - He did just take me and his two girls to Jamaica - ( paid my way ) I just want to have a normal relationship - I missed out on so much with my x - all the things that most have - like bridal showers a honeymoon baby showers bday celebrations - I missed out on alot - He knows this and still nothing for me - I help him with his house and kids and like I said we get along great - He just doesnt seem like he will ever 'claim' me - What should I do?
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female
reader, cambo  +, writes (9 September 2009):
Yes hun....please leave him! I wasted 10 years in an abusive relationship. I took 14 months out until I was ready to start checking out on line dating. After a few wasted evenings I met P. After our first date, he changed his status to seeing someone...I didn;t. We laugh about it now but I thought he was too good to be true.Please, please, please I urge to bin this waste of space. It sounds s though you need to start loving yourself bit more hun. I know it's really cheesy but there is no way that you can be happy and move forward in this situation....You MUST not tolerate his online dating when you're hoping to marry the man!He is not the man for you my dear and will only bring you more misery. Move on and keep looking. There is no need for loneliness in this cyber age, just be soooo careful about who you hook up with.LoveC
A
female
reader, lovely5 +, writes (27 January 2009):
Dear compassionate and lovely lady. Unfortunately, it sounds like you are your partner's rebound for the after math of the divorce. He sounds like a real jerk not to buy you anything for your birthday and an a-hole not to acknowledge your birthday. Is this the man that you really want. The way your partner stated to his friends that you would get being his friend for another year. He has a lot of emotional hang ups from his divorce. He is mad at his ex-wife and may be taking things out on you that he may want to take out on his wife. You can get good sex and treated like a lady from some one else. I would say that he is wasting your time. I hope I did not hurt your feelings. I mean well in all sincerity. If you stay he will continue to abuse emotionally and it may turn physical if he thinks he has a fool.Lovely5
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): When people show you who they are you need to listen. Get rid of him he is playing you for a fool. You deserve better. The future is promised to no one so make the happiest life you can.
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A
female
reader, bc2283  +, writes (26 February 2008):
He knows you'll stay and he can go on just the way he wants, i have friends like this, sorry
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A
female
reader, jenna34 +, writes (25 February 2008):
he is on dating sites and tells you he does not ever want to get married. I'm not sure where your question comes from. If you like chasing unavailable men you are not wasting your time. You say he's on these dating sites but has no intention of dating so...why is he on there? Is he doing a dating research project for a new book?
So if you missed out on alot and feel bad about it, go find someone who will give that to you instead of trying to make him responsible. Everybody else says to communicate with him about it but I think you've already made it more than clear that you wanted to get married and he's not going to give that to you.
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A
female
reader, Just.me  +, writes (25 February 2008):
There are a couple of things that I would like to say. First of all, he is not sending you mixed signals .... you just aren't listening to them. I don't think that he wants to marry you because correct me if I am wrong, but there should be NO reason a committed man in a long term relationship should be on a singles internet site. NO REASON. I had a boyfriend that did this, he said it was pretty innocent... but that is not cool. Doesn't make you feel good, does it?
I guess you need to ask yourself if you are happy? It does not sound like you are. It sounds like you want to get married and your guy does not, this is a pretty big issue. I don't only think that you should read "why men marry bitches" but you should read "he's just not that into you". SORRY, i hope things work out for you.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 Everyone of us is not perfect and we have flaws.We may see things differently over many issues.
Do you see more positives in him than negatives?
Sometimes a man is obtuse and does not know what is important to a woman.
I would agree with rhythmandblues2.
You need to communicate to him what are your needs .What do you expect from him? .He cannot read your mind and he is not a mind reader.
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A
female
reader, Aylarsh +, writes (25 February 2008):
 He may commit but I'm saying that he is also scared. you should confront him about the gift of you two being friends if it bothers you so much. You aren't a fool to think this because you love him. You should probably just step up to the plate and confront him about this. Being able to pay your own way though is rather responsible though and makes youan indepent woman.
I wish you luck contact me if you have any questions!!
Good luck Love! 3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I don't know, but maybe try the advice in the book "Why Men Marry Bitches" seriously, it might help.....Take Care, I wouldn't get all bent about the lack of a specific bday gift, taking you to Jamaic and paying your way sounds pretty spectacular, if it bugs you though, let him know b'day cards or gifts are important to you, maybe he doesn't get how much....communicate!
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