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age
36-40,
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writes: Still trying to get the ex back. We got into an argument because i think i rushed into things to quickly and this is what he sent me on a tex message." I'm not lookig for a relationship and you are, so I think it would be better if we just didn't talk on a regular basis, as always i would like to have a civil relationship with you where I can call you and you can call me and have it not be a big deal, so that's where I stand ok"Do you guys think there's a possible way I wcould get him back??? Is there anything I can say to him with reverse psychology to get him back?? I was thinking of writing him a letter using reverse psychology that says this"I just wanted to tell you i'm glad all of this is over now and after doing a lot of thinking these past couple days I totally agree with you and your decision of us not getting back together. I think it will be the best thing for both of us.Things are going very well with me and actually something really good just happened to me that i'm SO happy about :) maybe we can catch up sometime. However I do agree with you that it will be best if we keep our distance. Maybe in the future we can be friends. Ok I hope everything is going well with you too. Wish you well and take care."Whast do u guys think if i send this letter?? Males advice about this will be appreciated. Thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. And by the way in my follow up i meant "i'm not NOT letting him live his life the way he wants". I was just trying to get to a conclusion of either we go out or we never contact each other again so we can move on but he will never give me an answer and just kept giving me hope so i could sleep with him. I was just trying to get a yes or a no but he kept having me wondering and giving me false hope until i gave him and ultimatum for an answer and now everything is over and i feel used and heart broken because i have the feeling the whole time we were hookig up he KNEW he wasnt gonna get back together with me but he didnt tell me that so that i would hook up with him. Anyways thanks so much everyone and im really trying to forget about this fuc*ing idiot.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd I dont know who the retart who wrote this is
"do you love him? why would you want to use reverse psychology on him? let him live his life how he wishes, not how you wish him to live it. no wonder he doesnt want a relationship with you"
but he's probably JUST like my ex. An ass who wants sex without committment. I am NOT trying to make him "live his life the way he wishes". He wants to hook up with me without commiting and i love him so im asking him to commit to me because im not going to be his slut. Thats all. Im not forcing him into anything im just trying to get to a conclusion because he's playing mind games with me to hook up with me and thats not fair to me. This person made NO SENSE AT ALL. What a fuc**ng ass. Go be friends with my ex im sure you guys will get alone well. Two retarts will get along very well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut now i miss him really bad. I keep having mixed feelings. I hope I could just forget about him and for the rest of my life. I really truly wanna be able to not want to say yes if he ever tries to hang out with me again and i truly wanna be able to not want to answer the phone again if he ever calls. I wanna be abe to not care two shi*S about him. Like if he ever calls i wanna be able to look at my phone and say eww what the he** does he want? Theres no way i wanna talk to him and just ignore the call and not even think about it. I really hope i could not like him anymore ever again even if he begs me one day. I wanna feel INDIFFERENT. NO feelins for him at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen i looked at his pictures today i felt so disgusted and felt HATE. I really hope thats a good sign and it stays that way.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 September 2009):
 Okay, right. You're still negotiating with this guy. Stop it. That's right. Stop and TAKE CONTROL BACK. You don't want to be his friend? Fine, end of discussion, don't engage in any more conversations.
I'd have put my little fingers up to his face, put my middle finger... against my thumb... and snapped it. Right in his face. Buh. Bye.
Where's your anger? Where's your gumption? Unearth them, harness them, and plow ahead with your life.
Snap, baby, snap. Put any analysis of this to the side for now and get those friends of yours to support you. You have done that, haven't you? Or are you sitting alone at home, wallowing? Come on, be sensible, take care of yourself. Okay?
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
This guy will use you and hurt you. You're really not immature. You're looking out for your own heart. Let him go and allow yourself to move on. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said that we should be able to call each other when we want to and i told him no and he said that i'm immature for not wanting to keep in touch. He said i don't know how you're gonna keep living your life like that errasing everybody out of it" But im only erasing HIM! because part of me just feels like he doesnt deserve me to keep in touch with him. Am i right?? Should i let him be able to contact me once a month to ask how i'm doing?? I really don't want him to be able to have my friendship to be honest. This might just be the way i am. I usually cant be friends with ex boyfriends specially if i ended up really hurt at the end. Like if i see them i somewhere i might say hi to be respectful but i will never call them and ave them as friends. I have maybe 3 ex boyfriends who im friends with but those relationships inly lasted about a month and it wasnt anything serious like this one. I lived with this guy for a year and i thought i was marrying him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys so much for your tie and advice. Why does he keep emailing me and calling me?? What does he want?? Does he just like to have someone in love with him and giving him attention all the time?? Why did he tell me he will be sad if i got a boyfriend and that he doesnt wanna see me with anyone else ever?? He said he really loves me but not in love with me anymore because i gave him too much shit while going out and that im out of his field. But i honestly dont think i gave him shit there were just things that bothered me and i wanted to talk about those things with him but he would always just ignore any unresolved feeling i had. So we wold never talk about our problems. He would get so frustrated so esily when i wanted to talk about something that was bothering me. Do you think maybe i can have him grow to love me again?? Or should i just accept that this is the end of it?? Last night he told me he just made up the that he gave her his number just to piss me off. I dont know if he's just saying that he didnt really give her his number cuz he knows im hurt and felt bad for me or because he really did just made that up. I cant even trust him anymore. I cant even tell when hes telling the truth. Help??
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (22 September 2009):
 I apologize if you were hurt by the message in my post. Perhaps I could have used more tact. I recognize that it is not always “what you say” but “how you say it”.
I never expect EVERYONE to like my advice. I suppose, while it can be highly beneficial, there is a possibility when placing a request for help or advice in a public forum that we aren’t always going to hear what we want and sometimes what people say, may feel harsh.
I think you have a right to feel angry, but it is misplaced. Based on your follow ups, I think that anger should be directed at your ex-boyfriend. I suspect that if you sense any bitterness in our communications, it may be your own. Anger, frustration and bitterness often accompany grief and sadness when we are going through a difficult break-up.... do those feelings sound familiar?
I was and am of the opinion that you were (and are?) obsessing over this guy. Those who obsess over “lost loves” sometimes need someone to shock them into taking a good look at themselves and their situation.
I don’t think manipulation tactics are of worthy of you, I believe you are better than that and I believe you deserve to be happy. I also believe you will be happier with someone who wants you and appreciates you the way you deserve to be appreciated. IN fact, I think you will be happier than you are now if you put some distance between you and this guy (loser).
Did I expect you to feel a little ashamed of yourself? Yes. I had hoped my post would shock you into some perspective. I had hoped you would see that you ARE better than that. You don’t need to allow some guy to torture you. You have the strength to pick yourself up and move on.
Does the idea of not being with him and having to move on hurt? Yes. Will you be better and stronger for it? Yes. Will the pain ease as you take control of your life and take steps towards moving into a more fruitful future? Absolutely!
Will the words you typed in your “reverse psychology” letter become true? Yes.
When I offer advice, I do so because I am a success at love and life and want to help others obtain that success.
No one ever needs to “care what I have to say,” but I suspect you found more truth in what I said than you care to admit. Otherwise, you would have dismissed it without comment.
In that case, it served its purpose, if harshly.
So, in the spirit of helping, even if it is unwelcome, here is one last piece of advice for you and anyone else out there who is in your shoes (and sadly, there are many). Take your anger and USE IT to push past the initial feelings of pain and hurt and go get yourself the life and love you deserve.
Listen to happy music, or empowering music about women who are happy. Even indulge in a little bit of angry music, if it helps. Do not accept his phone calls. No matter how hard it is, do not READ his texts or his emails and cerainly NEVER respond. Do not give him the power to hurt you anymore.
Regardless of whether you like or take my advice, I certainly hope you will find comfort somewhere and that you will unchain yourself from this ugly situation.
He is not the only guy and from the sounds of it, he isn’t even a good one.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 September 2009):
I'm sorry, I posted my answer, not realizing you had posted 2 follow ups, I only had read the short one.
The guy's a loser. Sorry that you had to become involved with one, but once you wade through the murky pool of hurt, upset, regret and longing, you'll realize on the other side that this was a very unhealthy relationship with a supremely selfish guy. One day, you'll be grateful he broke up with you.
I'm concerned now that your self-esteem is very low and you've tied your sense of self to a guy who doesn't deserve it. You've got to fight to get it back.
If you are feeling out of control and cannot function, then you need to look into seeing a therapist. There's this classic song by the Rolling Stones, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"--unfortunately, you're finding this out now.
Take care of yourself--recognize that your value and worth are not tied to this guy. You've got to manage those yourself.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 September 2009):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-get-over-my-ex-girlfriend.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
There they are for you to read.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 September 2009):
Your name is 'emotions' so I guess that broadcasts that you feel things very strongly? You also mentioned you rushed into things a bit too fast, so now maybe you're pushing too hard on yourself?
Did you phone any girlfriends? Get someone to come visit you and help you get through this? A little hand-holding and condoling? If not, why not?
Get some good, nourishing food in you, avoid alcohol, have you done anything physical like exercise, walking, running? If not, plan to do it tomorrow. Plan to go with a friend, that'll help too.
Distractions, that is what you need. You have to disrupt the 'poor me' 'I'm so sad' thoughts that are taking over your mind. Ask for help! Let me see if I can find that article on Getting over your Ex.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm soooooo hurt. I cant deal with the pain its too much. please advice. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLola1 I could care less what you have to say. Please do not give advice when ure bitter about something else. And everyone else thank you. However he told me today that he met a really hot girl in his class who is a model for redbull and thats theyre hanging out thursday night. My heart sank i felt so depressed i had to skip school and i cried my eyes out. Then i asked him to please not hang out with her and he said "if you hook up with me i won't hang out with her but i dont wanna get back out". So he's trying to manipulate me and use me now wich hurts my feelings tenj times more. I wanna die i do not know how im gonna get over this. Please help. i dont think i could ever date again after this. He also told me that he doesnt wanna see me with anyone else and that he will be sad when i get a boyfriend that i really like. He said he really loves me but just isnt in love with me anymore. Im
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
This will be a blunt but tactful male reply, I hope. Don't send it. You're better than that and he'll see through it in a second, simple as that. Reverse psychology won't work in a situation like this at all. He isn't the guy for you, so rather than make elaborate plots to win him back, bin that letter and go win someone else. There are plenty of other guys out there. Lots of luck.
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female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (21 September 2009):
NOT what you want to hear, so brace yourself.
TRICKING someone to be yours is one of the lowest things you can try to do. It suggests you have no self respect. It displays no class. It shows you care nothing for his happiness and do not respect him enough to make good decisions for himself. In fact, it shows you aren't thinking about him at all.. just yourself.
Why not send a letter like that and actually MEAN every word of it?
How much clearer does he have to be? It's time to spend less energy on tricking him into a relationship and more on moving forward with your life.
WHEN he sees through your ploy, you may lose any possible chance of his respecting and trusting you. Think about it...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2009):
I'm not sure it's possible to get a guy who doesn't want to be in a relationship INTO a relationship. If he doesn't want a girlfriend, or if he doesn't want you as a girlfriend, and he has said so (in a text, coward), then my advice is to take him at his word.
The letter itself isn't bad, I think, it's that you are being untruthful--it doesn't represent how you really feel. I would probably just accept that he doesn't want to date me, and then go through the mourning stages of a relationship. Right now, you're not accepting it, you're in the bargaining phase. Tell your friends you need some extra support right now, and stay as busy as you can. Sorry for the hurt you're experiencing.
Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): do you love him? why would you want to use reverse psychology on him?
let him live his life how he wishes, not how you wish him to live it. no wonder he doesnt want a relationship with you.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (21 September 2009):
 Using manipulative tactics like this won't work in the long run. It also doesn't help that your letter to him is clearly insincere and exaggerated.
You may say you're all right with his stance on things, but it'll eventually become obvious you weren't being truthful. Give up on him, he clearly doesn't want the same things you do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Probably not a good idea. Us guys hate game-playing as much as you do. It'll only succeed in pushing him away further.
Give him time, stay in contact, cut out the mind games and eventually he might realize what he's missing.
Good luck!
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female
reader, Kg15 +, writes (21 September 2009):
Im not Male but I think you should just give it some time and contact himlater acting like nothing happend but prove to him you are willing not to argue anymore
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