A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a masculine gay young man, but I fear that my sexuality is very *selfish*. I enjoy having anal sex with other men and receiving blow jobs, but I find being on the receiving end of anal or giving blow jobs utterly repugnant and a total turn off. I can't even bring myself to try, and have never brought another man to orgasm in any way other than a hand job. Part of it I think has to do with a very dominant sexual nature. I enjoy dominating partners (with consent, of course), and I find anything that makes me submissive, passive, or feminine a complete turn off.I am still young so my experience is limited, but I have hidden from partners that I find receiving anal or giving oral so repugnant. I have avoided getting emotionally close to any partner because I fear that I would be unable to be a satisfying partner on any long-term basis, but I am a college grad now and have been wondering if it will be possible for me to have a committed relationship with my "limits".Any thoughts or suggestions welcome.
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male
reader, Ganymedes +, writes (17 January 2010):
You still got a lot of maturing to do, so for the time being, I would say unlikely you'll have a successful ltr anytime soon. There's hope for you though, because at least you acknowledge some kind of issue there. Your fear is controlling you, so you can't just say it's a matter of personal taste/preference and go off to find some totally submissive guy to have a relationship with. You need to explore all aspects of gay sex many times over before you will know exactly what you want. Personally, I think variety is the spice of life and why close yourself off to half the experience right from the start??
BTW What the hell is up with all these straight men and women thinking they can comment on gay sex? Seriously,
WTF!?!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): OP here. Thank you for the responses. I guess I enjoy penetrating so much I assume all gay men would want to at least some of the time, as well as receive oral. I enjoy "my" side of it so much that I find it hard to believe that there are other gay men that would have tastes so exclusively opposite from my own. For example I know it would be torture for me to be committed to a partner that never wanted me to penetrate him. Maybe I can find the right guy who is the yang to my yin (or is it the other way around?)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Your sexual tastes are what they are, and there's nothing 'selfish' about them. If you love to give but not take, that could be construed as generous and not selfish!
If you find the idea of giving blow-jobs or being fucked 'utterly repugnant' then it would be ridiculous and unwise for you to go through the motions of doing so, purely to please a partner(s).
There will be LOTS of guys who have the opposite sort of sexual tastes, and will suit you perfectly. Often in gay sexual affairs, there's a bit of an imbalance in the conventional 'masculinity' stakes, ie one guy is feminine and submissive and loves strong masculine men.
I happen to adore giving oral and receiving anal, from men much more 'masculine' than I am, and I have no interest really in being fellated, or penetrating anyone else. I don't think that means I'm greedy or selfish - it's just the way I am.
Basically I don't see a problem at all. All you need is a submissive guy who'll happily be the earthquake to your volcano (hope that didn't sound cheesy - I'm sure you get my drift). Great sex is about following your desires, not reading from a script to fit in with what you think is expected of you.
As for your partner, talk to him. I'm sure he's satisfied! But if you suspect he's not, communicating honestly and openly would help
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, paulofessex  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I feel you are being too hard on yourself, l'm sure there are loads of guys out there who prefer to be submissive. To enable you to obtain your dream of having a committed relationships is to be open and honest with any potential partners from the start and if they are ok with it then you can persue the relationship without the worries you mention above.
The key l feel is to be honest and dont let any guy try to change you (at this time, you may feel different given time once in a steady committed relationship)
Best wishes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): some people enjoy being the dominant one in r/ships, you know the "top" where as others enjoy being the "bottom", everyone likes and dislikes different things about sex, which is fine and human. As danilepew said maybe u need a submissive guy for a r/ship nthat accepts you and that you can be yrself with and can let yrself get emotioanally inlvoved with?
but.. doing the things that u said u dont want to do isnt necessarily always being submissive or feminine or weak, it can also mean loving and caring for your partner and wanting him to enjoy and have that part of sex too? you know caring for him enough to want to try.
If really u want to change things maybe you could try to think of sex in a differnt way? sharing rather than being weak. but.. maybe this is just who you are, which is fine! and you need to be Ok with it and yrself, so u can be emotionally involved and cre for a guy without feeling guilty.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I'm a straight man and wouldn't know how to help you, but I assume you could eventually find a partner who would like to play the submissive role. Hiding what you want will certainly not help you.
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