A
female
age
41-50,
*AD ANGEL
writes:I'm pregnant. He is not my boyfriend, we used to date, he is 29 yrs older than me. He got me pregnant before and he convinced me to have an abortion, he said we could have probably babies in the future but not at that time.I haven't told him yet about his new pregnancy, I'm sure he is seeying another girl.I'm scared and I think he will tell me the same thing he told me before. "I think you have to abort because I won't be present in the life of that child, I'm too old to start a family now"Please what you think I should do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I feel so sorry for you for having to make that decision that hurt you so much. Of course, I cannot know how you really feel, as I am a man. I think you should follow what Oblivia said and see if there is a counselor at the clinic who you can talk to.
Please don't blame yourself too much, as you did what was necessary and it does not reflect on you as a person. He is the one who you should blame the most. He did not care for you enough to support you either time in your situation. I'm sure that having to resign from your job doesn't help either, but I can see why you needed to do that. I hope you find a good job very soon.
His attitude is most troublesom, but I can see why he does not want to start a family at the age of 60 or so. However, he should have thought about that before he got you pregnant. If that was his decision then he should have made sure that it did not happen.
I hope you can come of this feeling well after some time and that you have a chance to have a baby with a loving partner in the future.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Hi,
I'm so sorry, here comes a virtual *hug*. Is there any councellor at the clinic who you can talk to about how you feel?
Don't feel guilty, you have given this a lot of thoughts and came to the conclusion this is what was best for you and the unborn. I've done this once too and I know it is not easy anyway, but also this will pass, as they say. Then one day you will have a beautiful baby with a good man that loves and respects you the way you deserve.
Here comes one more *hug*.
-O
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A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (13 March 2008):
 Why would you not be more careful about getting pregnant the second time around in the first place with the same man? If there is no real relationship, why be so irresponsible? It sounds to me like you are trying to trap him into a relationship that doesn't exist between you two.
I would tell him and don't be surprised if he tells you the same thing he did the last time. If he doesn't, then I WILL BE surprised.
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female
reader, SAD ANGEL +, writes (13 March 2008):
SAD ANGEL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I finally got an abortion last friday, i feel so bad, so guilty, so evil, i regreated so much. I was at the clinic with my best friend because i didn't wanted him to be there, it was a total agony. i was there from 9am to 7pm. I almost don't have the procedure but there was nothing that stopped me, eventhough i didn't wanted to have the abortion i did.
The guy just disapear after friday morning, i didn't wanted to talk to him after the abortion because i'm so hurted by him, after all i had the abortion because he told me many times that he was going to support me in any way, that he was not going to be involved in the child's life and that he don't even wanted to meet him/her. I was so so sad and thought that i was not going to be able to support this child financially, withthe money i make i can only support myself so i was so scared and i felt like trap. Any how i just resigned to my job (his company) last monday and he accepted my resignation and don't havent had the guts to talk to me about the abortion he hasn't even call me once, he called my best friend a few times and came to home to visit me but didn't see cause i didn't wanted.
Oh well i think i did wrong by aborting my baby, now i wish i haven't made that decision but now is too late, i can do nothing to have him/her back. I regreated so much and would like to find some peace i just don't know how.
Thanks for reading, if you have a feedback please do it, i think listening to someone will help me heal my pain.
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female
reader, Landie  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I really feel for you. This is not something you can go through on your own. By law as far as I know he can't ask you to leave the company and he can't fire you just cos you pregnant with his child.
Most important is do you can this child. If you not sure by yourself you should maybe think of seeing a counceller and here their views.
What you going through must be hell. But in the end no matter how he reacts the final decision lies by you. You felt guilty the last time you had the abortion and I think if you have another you will start hating yourself. My mother had a miscarrage bout a year after I was born and even today she thinks about what that child would have been like.
I'm sure you will make the right decision
Good luck.
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female
reader, SAD ANGEL +, writes (7 January 2008):
SAD ANGEL is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your support and kind words.
Is true I didn't mention I wanted to have this baby, cause i'm very very confused. i regreated so much when i have the other abortion and never could surpass the pain.
He is the owener of the company i work for and i think he is scared that i want his money, which is not true. He doesn't have any kids. I think if i decided to have the baby he'll ask me to leave his company, plus i only live a few blocks from work, so no matter how much i wanted to be far from him in case he doesn't gives me his support, it will be very hard.
I used to love him so much, now I just like him because he hurted me so much in the past, plus I know he sees someone else. I don't see him anymore like my partner. I don't have my parents here and I don't have good relatitonship with my sibblings so that turn me crazy, because i feel like I'm completely alone in this.
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I suggest you talk to him, tell him how you feel and do what you want to do, it all depends if YOU want to havea child as well. If you do then if he says to abort say no and give a reason why (like you've been through it before) and tell him you want him to be part of the childs life and it takes two to make a child, so its not entirely your fault, if he didn't want children he should have ensures you were using enough protection
hope this helps x
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (6 January 2008):
I think you should do what YOU feel like and not what he says you should or shouldn't do. I think you deserve a much better man in your life, but if you want to keep this baby, then you should. I think Laurzie gave an excellent advice to talk to a professional if you find it hard to discuss this with your own family. So that you can sort out what you really feel is the right thing to do here. The maternal care unit should be able to help you with this, one session might be all it takes.
Good luck!
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female
reader, Kodgypie +, writes (6 January 2008):
sounds to me like he never wants children. Whatever he wants or says, do what is best for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Well it would be a shame to abort. But I don't think it is an ideal situation for you to have a baby. He is probably not going to be present in the childs life. I mean if you tell him you are pregnant and you are going to keep the child he might react in a way that hurts you and you will feel even worse if he rejects you again. I mean he has already shown you that he can't be depended on. Its just very risky. And you will then be all depressed and all the negativity is going to hurt the child and is going to cause so much more pain for you and your emotional state. When you carry a child you should be happy and stable and well taken care of.
I just don't think it is the right time to have a baby. If you are not POSITIVE that you want this child with or WITHOUT him, I think you are setting yourself up for some serious heartache.
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female
reader, loops +, writes (6 January 2008):
None of us can tell you how he will react cos you quite simply wont know till you ask him.
A few things though, no one should ever convince you to do anything you dont want to do, if you want this baby, then have it, but be aware that it looks likely he is not going to support you, thus you need to be sure you can handle a baby on your own.
In general, this guy doesn;t sound very good for you, if you are scared of telling him then it shows you two dont have a positive relationship, and by the sounds of what you have said, he is going to stick to his guns on the fact he is " too old".
You need to do what is best for YOU not him, and whether you go through with having this baby or not I would suggest you distance yourself from this man, because he doesn't sound like he is doing you much good. I dont suggest you run from him all together as if you have his baby he needs to be involved but for both your sakes it may be better if it wasnt in a relationship sense
Good luck
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A
female
reader, LouLee +, writes (6 January 2008):
 Well you need to talk to him, tell him you're pregnant and see what he says, he may react totally different to before. You don't have to abort the child on his say-so, It's your baby and depending on what he says, you can bring it up with him, alone or no at all. Do what you feel is right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Well nobody can answer that question but you.
Don't have an abortion just because this guy tells you too.Do not let him bully you into it just because he can't face up to his responsibilities!!
I really think that you should speak to a professional about this, this will help you to sort out your feelings and weigh up the options that you have. You don't say whether you would like to have this child yourself.
If you do want to have this child please don't worry that the father won't help you...i am sure that you have a family and friends that will be there for you and support you through this time. There are plenty of single mothers out there. It won't be easy by any means but its not impossible.
Make sure you really think about this before doing anything. And make up your own mind..
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A
female
reader, Landie +, writes (6 January 2008):
You should first decide for yourself do you want this child. If you do tell him you prgant and you keeping the baby if he likes it or not. If you don't want the baby then you should tell him anyway and see how he feels.
You both were involved in making the baby willingly or not. Even if he does not want the child buy you do then the least he can do is take responsibility and at least pay child support.
Good luck
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female
reader, AJ jess ^..^ +, writes (6 January 2008):
 OMG hun what you have to ask yourself is would you be able to support the child on your own, by the sound of this im not sure whether the guy loves you and would support the child,the choice is yours x x good luck
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