A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've got a bit of a problem. Over the weekend I was arrested for a DWI and had my car impounded, and I probably won't be driving for about a year. I am single and really worried that this is going to prevent me from finding a girlfriend. There are a few girls that I've been talking to since the start of the semester in my classes, but I don't know how to bring this up if I decide to hang out with one of them. I'm not going to be able to pick her up, or drive to her house, and if I meet the parents I am really worried that they'll find out and tell me that I can't see their daughter. It was a one-time mistake that's really fucked my world up and I don't know what to do. How do you bring something like this up and then work around it with a girlfriend? I've always been able to drive and pick up the girl or go to her house, and now I can't at all, I am so miserable. Is there anyone who's been in the same situation or can give me some kind of advice? I would appreciate it so much. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 October 2009):
 Fact of the matter is that you made one mistake. One mistake is not a representation of your personality whatsoever. It doesnt make you a scum bag... provided you learn from it. Its a harsh punishment for a single mistake, but if it wasnt harsh then nobody would take drink driving seriously and I wouldnt feel safe walking/driving in the city on weekends at all!
Be honest with people if its appropriate, let them know that it was a stupid mistake, you accept full responsibility, you are ashamed/embarassed and have learnt your lesson. People tend to be fairly understanding if you are remorseful.
I've been there just recently bro, it sucks big time. After I got my DUI I was really disgusted and ashamed of myself. The only way I ended up feeling even remotely better about my situation was realizing that I could have hurt myself, my passengers, another driver/pedestrian, wrecked my car etc.. When you think about it, getting a DUI really is the best possible scenario because if you get away with drink driving then you're going to be more likely to do it again.. and again.. and that can only end badly...
It wont prevent you from having a girlfriend, obviously it will make things harder though. I recommend telling any prospective girlfriend when you're absolutely sure that she's interested. That way she knows what she's getting into, but also she's quite likely to be too preoccupied with you to care too much.
Goodluck dude
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): If by chance you do meet someone who you really like and it is mutual, take the time to get to know her and at an appropriate time present your situation. There is no other way around it, it is what it is...
I don't have to tell you that it was a poor choice to make because it is quite clear to me that you 'get that' and sometimes that is enough to for another to hear and not pass a harsh judgement. I think the right person should accept you for what and who you are and want to help you grow as an individual by accepting you flaws and all.
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A
male
reader, asianknight +, writes (19 October 2009):
If your dating someone I would tell the girl after I have established a trust bond. If you recently asked her our and immediatly said you had a DWI then she would break up with you. Also it would be best if you could find a girl within 2 or 5 blocks from your house.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 October 2009):
I've not been there, so what i say is a bit limited. All I can say is this. Firstly, if a girl measures you on whether you have a car or not, then she's not great. However, I think you should come clean about it if you meet a girl, get to know her, trust her and are getting to the point where you are dating her, just so she understand that you've made a mistake, you've paid for it and you're trying to fix it. All you can do it be honest with them, which is better than starting off with a lie.
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