A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for five years and love each other very much. We've been very honest in our relationship and have always shared our fantasies and flirtations with other people.She has always had a desire of sleeping with another man since I've been the only man in her life and she has wanted to experience someone different. She found someone she'd like to be with for this purpose and she asked for my consent - to which I agreed.Even though I really wanted to be a part of her experience and be there to watch them do it, she did not take me along since she said she wouldn't be comfortable if I was watching them. I was very hurt and kept hoping she would change her mind, but she didn't and I eventually accepted it.We were in touch throughout the act and she kept me updated on what they were doing. I encouraged her and felt happy that she finally fulfilled her fantasy.However, once they were through, I was extremely upset to the point of falling physically ill. I had fever and pain in my stomach and heart. I was talking to her continually and she tried her best to make me feel better about the situation.Days passed and I started to deal with what had happened better, and it no longer hurt me. She described the act to me and it would even arouse me to hear about it. But everytime she would talk to him, I would get insanely jealous and upset and although she would keep asking if I was alright with it, I won't tell her that it bothers me. Sometimes we would fantasize about what had happened and I would even offer to have a threesome with her partner involved. At other times I couldn't stand the thought of them together, or her talking to him so animatedly.I keep getting insecurities that she'd fall in love with him or leave me for him some day. She keeps telling me she would stop talking to him if it bothers me, but I don't want to make her unhappy and can't get myself to tell her to stop. I know she loves me and I am madly in love with her - but I have a constant fear that she could fall in love with someone else who is better in bed than me perhaps, since she's very sexually inclined. I'm afraid I won't be able to match up to this experience and I know that it has been a good experience for her. I don't know what to do. She tries her best to console me, but I'm losing my mind over this.
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flirt, her ex, jealous, threesome Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): My boyfriend allowed me to have sex with another man on a few occasions, and we have had a few threesomes with the same person. And we go back and forth all the time about whether we should do it again or not. If it makes you uncomfortable for them to talk, your wife seems like she would stop, i would tell her. She seems to want to make you just as happy as you want to make her. good luck
A
male
reader, Jackalus  +, writes (12 March 2011):
Sex is the ultimate showing of love and you should never have let her. Even with your consent it is cheating.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (12 March 2011):
 You have to stop being so "unselfish". She is your wife. Tell her that talking to this man is making you uncomfortable. That's hard for you to deal with all this.I mean I respect you for allowing her to do that, because I never would. I get that you wanted to make her happy but there are certain boundaries. I could acctualy understand this more if you were watching them because that's more common. But this was like cheating with premission. I mean do you have any fantasies that she allowed you to do?Sadly it can't be undone but for next time anything like this I would suggest you post a question here about it.So to your problem:So you should tell her how you feel about all this. How did it make you feel. That you want her to be happy no matter what and you love her some much, but her talking to him making you very uncomfortable and unhappy. She probably thinks it's ok, because she doesnt know how you feel. You have to talk to her about this.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (12 March 2011):
 This is sad. Rarely do these kinds of situations ever work out. Its only natural to feel hurt, jealous and left out. Sadly, the damage has already been done, and you can't go back. But you can (and MUST) go forward. The smartest thing to do is sit your wife down and have a heart to heart. Tell her everything that you have said on here. How is she supposed to know if you dont say anything? You gave her permission, so of course she thinks its ok. Tell you are very confused, upset, hurt and do not want the situation to continue. I wish you the best, I hope the two of you can work things out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011): Tell her you're no longer okay with it. You are incredibly unselfish to even allow this in the first place. You did something for her and now it's over. Tell her to stop talking to him.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (12 March 2011):
 You need to stop pretending that you are ok with this to her and be honest. She will understand that you were ok with her being with another guy in fantasy, but in reality you aren't handeling it so well.
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