A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife has been really piss at me for not paying enough attention to her due to my job, I've insanely with business trips, meetings etc so I haven't been blowing off her a lot lately. I missed her birthday and our anniversary (they're quite close together) plus I forget get her a gift. She was so mad at me she made me sleep on the sofa. I heard her crying in the bedroom but I just ignore it cause didn't it was my business. During a fight we had recently she said something about me not loving her anymore. Any idea?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Do you have a scheduler on your cell phone or computer? If so ADD the important dates in her and your life.
If you aren't going to be home for her birthday - ARRANGE for something special, like flowers to be delivered ( either to her home or work). Leave little cards or heck, sticky notes with a joke or a compliment on, before you leave to go away for business. ( leave them around the house so she will find them while you are gone.)
When my husband deployed to Iraq I had a bunch of sticky notes that I hid in his stuff while he was packing. He wasn't able to call often, but the first time he found a sticky note, he went straight to the phone and called me.
TAKE the time to call her every now and then while you are gone and ASK her what she is up too, how SHE is doing.
Does she like something or collect something? Like uh, mugs, picture frames, dolphins, elephants.. you get the idea.. If she does, whenever you are away on business MAKE the effort to find her a new one to bring home.
When you are HOME - TALK to her. Make an effort. Take her out or make her a picnic.
You can not IGNORE her feelings and think it will go away . You can not bury you head in the sand and think once you poke your head back up everything will be back to normal.
You ARE neglecting your wife. Woo her. She will repay it tenfold, I bet you!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Listen to her man! you missed the anniversary not only that her birthday as well and you forgot a present! even a card wouldn't have gone a miss provided you know the ACTUAL date of the anniversary and her birthday.
i don't see you saying you apologised to her for missing these important dates...?
work is work! your wife is there for you all the time throughout everything you go through!
works nothing works something to keep you busy during the day and make a living to provide for your wife! which clearly you aren't doing.
you didn't rush in to look after her due to her crying? felt it wasn't your business!!!
are you insanely MAD! she was crying because of YOU!
you lacked an apology towards her for forgetting her birthday you didn't even TRY to get her to listen to why you were not there or even have yourself apply and apology to her is it no wonder she feels you don't love her anymore?
you need to prove to her you do love her more than work!
get yourself a holiday booked even if it's a B and B in the country anything to get away from the work environment make sure she knows you love her! treat her well! tell her its a belated birthday/ anniversary present she'll probably appreciate it and for gods sake man! APOLOGISE!!!!!!!
x ilovebowsandcherries x :)
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Part of being married means being kind and considerate and making the person you love feel special. You dropped the ball in all of these instances here. Whether it was your job or you simply forgot, it's still up to you to make it up to her.
When you let someone down, you have to first make up for it and then make every effort not to do it again. And if you suspect you will not be able to fulfill a promise or you expect you will let her down because you have to work on a special occasion, then tell her when you two will celebrate and plan ahead! Leave her a little something special on that occasion so she doesn't feel completely forgotten.
If she forgot your birthday or due to work couldn't give you a present or make you feel that it was special, wouldn't you hope she would make it up in a big way to you on a different day? That is the first step you should take.
The next one is to ensure that she doesn't feel this way again. This is the person you married, this is the person you wanted to spend your life with, she is a part of you and your life.
Do what ever you have to do in order to make her feel as if you are thinking of her when you are away. If you can't afford much write her some romantic notes on scraps of paper and hide them around the house or buy some small presents, but what ever you do, be consistent about it and keep doing it.
If your job is taking you away too often, then you need to make an extra effort for her. If she is important to you, you will make the effort. If she isn't then tell her that your job is more important and that the marriage is not going to work.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Are you really so thick-skinned to think that your wife being so upset about you forgetting about her and ignoring her cos you thought that it was not any your business???
You might be busy at work but she is supporting and loving you and you have pushed her aside. I suggest that you relook at your life and decide if you want your wife because if you continue to treat her so badly she will find someone who will treat her better.
You have a lot of making-up to do to try and recitify this problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): You know the answer don't you. Its called making an effort - something that comes naturally if you love another person. If you are the forgetful type then keep important dates in a diary. There is no excuse for upsetting your wife in this way. If you know what upsets her then surely its up to you not to do it to her. If my husband forgot my birthday I would dump him like a shot. He remembers other dates - like when he has an appointment to play golf or when a football match is on the TV. If you do love her then I suggest you don't buy flowers or chococlates or take her for dinner but you start showing it day to day in a continued effort (i.e. not a one off and then lapse back into not caring) in small consistent ways. I doubt you'll get many more chances. Remember if you're not careful it could take one man who does make an effort to show your wife respect and attention to split you up. Would you blame her for leaving?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Talk to her
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