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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: I would like to knoow what to do about my husband flirting with other women. Getting upset and arguing doesn't help. Trying to tell him that it hurts me doesn't help. I am about to give up on the marriage. I don't want to be with a man who is always trying to catch another womans eye. I feel degraded.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Not sure who to really blame here, you don’t give much information. How long have you been married? Is this something he has just started doing? Do you trust your husband? It’s easy for us to say “What a pig, that’s no way to treat a wife” But WHY is he doing this?I read a reason given by a guy why he flirts and this is what he said, “I'm a married man but my EYES are not. In fact my eyes cheat on each other.” Hah! Any excuse eh?I did a little search and here are some reasons why men flirt. Take a deep breath because you might not want to hear what you are reading:• He is having a midlife crisis. • He is unhappy with wife.• He is not sexually attracted to his wife.• He likes the attention other women give him.• He is bored with married life.• He is insecure about self.• It makes him feel better about himself.• He needs to validate his attractiveness and sexuality.• He thinks flirting is harmless.• He is looking to have an affair.• It is exciting.• To meet emotional needs such as feeling liked, being popular, or being thought of as funny, entertaining, attractive, or sexy.• As a passive-aggressive way of getting even with the wife. He may have felt rejected sexually and emotionally, so the flirting can be a message to the partner to shape up or risk losing the marriage.• An attempt to get the wife's attention.So, which one is it? I feel for you because you are living in fear of losing everything you have built up together. Once you know why he is flirting, only then can you fix the problem. You said you have tried telling him it hurts but it’s falling on deaf ears, maybe try explaining in a non judgemental accusing way that you feel he is going out of his way to flirt and you are afraid that he has ulterior motives. Saying that, jealousy, fear, no trust and feeling degraded spell major cracks in your marriage and you have a choice to move on or face each problem and fight to fix your marriage. This means you are going to need to face reality that he is not the only one to blame. Both of you are doing the avoidance dance
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Re-read what you have written. You have the answer. You don't want to be with him. If you want our opinion on his actions then this is my take... I would not want to be with a man who continued to do something (whatever it was) that hurt me, him knowing that it hurt me because I told him so, him doing it because it suited him and his selfish needs. He clearly has zero respect for you absolutely none. Leave him and my suggestion is don't tell him just do it because he will try and justify himself for a while maybe stop then go back to his old ways... He is abusing you really. He is degrading you, using you no doubt to do all the household stuff while he preens himself so he looks good to flirt? Yuk.
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A
female
reader, AngellicaWaters  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Tell your husband it has come to this point. If he isn't willing to work with you on this issue, then how can you expect him to work anything else out in the marriage. If he is willing to work with you, then you two need to make agreements about what is acceptable behavior regarding how you interact with the opposite sex. If this marriage really means a lot to you, then you will have to compromise too. Perhaps a workable agreement would be that your husband can look at other women but not flirt with them. You can work on it more from there. You have to accept the fact that men are attracted to women and do want to look at them, but beyond that you two have to agree on what would be acceptable to both of you. Men have to realize that if they want a relationship they need to be respectful of the relationship and the person they are with. This means not flirting with or acting in inappropriate ways towards other women.I'm not sure how you ended up making such a serious commitment with someone like this in the first place knowing this was the case. You had to know he did this previously or had signs of disrespectful behavior and married him anyway. If you do end up ending your marriage, don't make the same mistake twice with another man. It's important to be with someone who has the same ideals, interests and morals that you have. These are things to find out while dating someone, not after making a serious commitment.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (16 July 2009):
Your right and depending on how long you have been married and wether or not you have kids it sounds like getting out while you don't have any material attachment might be the right thing to do. If he is always trying to catch attention of others than it is just a seguay of bigger things yet to come.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): girl that is ur man!and he shouldnt be doing that if he doesnt like u being upset about it he can kiss ur a**he needs to get it through his head that ur the women with the ring on ur finger so he better straighten up his act or leave his a**
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A
female
reader, ~pretty angel~  +, writes (16 July 2009):
I think you should get out of that relationship, if he can't do something simple to keep you happy.
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