A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:this question is on behalf of my 18 year old daughter. She has had some very bad experiences with dating. A couple of weeks ago she had a former boyfriend "friend" her on facebook. He initiated all contact. He is in college away from home. He asked her to come up there to see him but she said no and asked him to give her a call next time he came home. He called her a week ago and asked her to go out for last night. He's been calling or texting all week and the last text he sent was at 3pm Saturday. He was confirming the date for 6pm same night.Well, he never showed. He didn't call, text or anything. My poor daughter had gone all out getting ready for this guy. She was beautiful and so excited. I watched her sink into a somber mood as the hours clicked down. She kept wanting to call him or text him to see where he was but I said it would be best if she didn't as he had kind of done this to her before and I figured this was just more of the same.The only thing she would tell me is that he kept asking questions about kissing and making out and she told him they should focus on getting re-acquainted. She is known at school for being a good girl and he is kind of a player.Can any of you younger males tell me why on earth this happened to her? Why did he stand her up? Why would you stand up a girl? And for you younger gals, what kind of consoling would you want from your mother. She's totally despondent about this and life in general now.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 February 2010):
I'm sad to say that the question was already answered. He was a player, he had kind of done this before and he was already an ex boyfriend. Sadly like so many women your daughter gave him a second chance, only for this to happen. I promise not all young men are like this, and quite often some men don't realize what they're doing. Some of course do. Chances are he doesn't really have a reason, he just did it because he doesn't care enough about her. He may even have only been interested in kissing her and getting her into bed, and when she had the nerve to suggest getting to know him again he simply threw her aside in favour perhaps of another girl who would give in. You did the right thing by telling your daughter it would be best not to text him. The best thing your daughter can do now is end contact with him, because he won't change, and he has now proven himself totally unworthy of her. As for consoling her, you could show her some of the better male responses on here to prove there are guys who care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): From a males perspective, he stood her up because he found something easier or better to do . He probably went out with his buddies or found an "easier girl" to hang out with . Really consider yourself lucky that he didn't go out with your daughter because he is only there for sex .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): If she has a father and he's a good man, it would be better if he consoled her.
I don't know why this guy did this. Perhaps he somehow didn't understand that things were on? Perhaps he had an accident?
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A
male
reader, ReturningtheFavor +, writes (7 February 2010):
I am a young male and had a similiar situation with my ex, (who i have dated for about 10 years now after a break when i started college). Its very difficult to explain but to put it simply men are thick head a-holes. I would definitely wait to find out why he stood her up before you jump to conclusions. Maybe it was a legitimate circumstance, however not calling is very rude.I know that i didnt stand my ex up but when i came home i didnt call her to hang out and it really hurt her feelings. I was a real jerk but it wasnt because i didnt love her or care about her it was becuz i really didnt know how much my actions would hurt her. Young men do not realize how our actions hurt young women, my guess is that he just didnt realize that his actions would be so hurtful to her and thats why he didnt call. I know im not a woman but i would just tell her that young men just dont understand women and that men dont realize what we are doing is wrong. He may still care ALOT, and the fact he called her means he does care but he hasnt prioritized hangning out with her properly. ***There are plenty of great men out there for your daughter, if she wants to really get her ex to flock back to her, have her get another man in her life. Even as just a friend, if they are haning out having fun, he will flip and think that she has moved on. He will definitely get territorial once he sees this relationship, and will beg to be back in it with her!!! Good luck to your daughter, men can really suck but there are good ones out there. FYI- players rarely change but the nice guys are always the nice guy!!!!
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