A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went through this painful breakup with my now EXGF about a month and a half ago. Two weeks ago we ran into each other at the store and I said Hi and she said hi back without making too much eye contact. the next day I sent her a text just saying what's up and she basically flipped, she told me to forget about her and not text her anymore. and i said ok fine. Last night around 11pm I was already in bed I received a text... from her, saying hi and I replied we kept at it until like 2am.why would she be looking for me now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Yes! I agree with rogerramjet...women are complicated creatures...and we have a difficult time letting go. Even if we think it is for the best.
I don't know what is in her mind but obviously, you were on her mind. I would take it very cautiously...and slow if I were you. And if she freaks out on you again...I would forget about it! Some people (men and women) like to play games with people's heads and hearts!
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 July 2009):
 I think she is going through some complicated stuff in her head right now hence why she will have said for you to forget about her. That is quite a signifcant choice of words - she could of said that she doesnt want to speak to you anymore, that she wants to forget about YOU etc. But instead she told you to forget about her - meaning that she possibly doesnt feel that she is good enough for you, that she shouldnt be in your life right now, or maybe that she feels you would be better off if you forgot about her.
Women often act completely irrationally and sometimes what we say actually means the complete opposite (and we expect men to realise this!). Now this is just speculation here and no-one on this site can really know what is going on in her head but my guess is that when she said "forget about me" and "dont text me anymore" means that she wants you to fight for her. Women love to be chased, they love to feel wanted. She could have been testing you to see if you would do as she said or whether you would fight for her. When she realised you did what she said (as most men would do because you are not mind-readers!) then the next day she will have wanted to speak to you again, to gage if you are still interested because her little test didnt work.
There is no point in confronting her over her behaviour - she will deny everything strenously and become defensive. All I can say is she is acting like a normal, irrational and erratic woman! Women are crazy, we all are in some way and some more than others. There is not much point in trying to understand our behaviour, you wont get anywhere!
What is important is to figure out what you want? Seen as you did have that late night text conversation, does this mean that you are still interested? Say if she cut the crazy and came clean and told you she still wanted to be with you, how would you feel? Because if you still have strong enough feelings for her that would make you want to get back with her then try telling her. Even when a girls head is messed up (like your ex girlfriends appears to be at the minute) we all still appreciate honesty. You have nothing to lose by telling her how you feel, then the ball will be in her court. If she knocks you back then you will need to make a clean break from her, delete her number and make sure she never contacts you again.
Sometimes women just like to have an ex in their lives still because it is almost a "back-up" option, where when you are feeling lonely and generally a bit rubbish, there is always someone there who you know still has feelings for you and will make you feel better. There is a chance this is what your ex is doing now, maybe she is in a bad place mentally/emotionally and you were there the other night for those late night texts which makes you feel better because you know someone cares.
Either way, decide what you want and stick to it. Dont be her back-up option, it is not fair on you to be used like that. If you want her back then just be honest with her and see where it goes. If you know you just dont work as a couple then make a clean break from her, and make sure these late night conversations stop. They always lead to trouble!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 July 2009):
Well she probably felt bad for being so nasty.
Girls tend to want to be friends with their ex boyfriends, even when that is not a good idea.
If you are not over her then tell her you need space and are not ready to be friends just yet.
You'll probably find that now you are back on civil terms again she will start avoiding you for a while anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (7 July 2009):
Women are complicated creatures. I had a similar issue in a breakup. They don't want you to get over them. They want you to miss them and want them.I was dumped by a girl, and stayed out of her life for 4 months without a peep. I then ran into her in a bar, and came out completely smelling like roses when we spoke (confronted one another?)A couple nights later, she came and found me and we had a private chat where she told me she wanted things to "be cool between us." I said okay.A couple nights after that, i saw her out on the town with a couple of friends. I went over to say "hello" and she completely flipped on me, telling me to stay away from her and not to stalk her. I had totally been set up.Best thing to do is to stay away from her, man. Don't message her. Don't call her. Don't talk to her.There's the outside chance that she MAY be reconsidering and want you back. If she does, you have to make her work for it. Don't make it easy. Look out for yourself because there is a good chance she is just messing with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): Simple, she's thinking of you and probably misses you. Just take it slow and see where it goes (that is if you want her back in your arms but I am sure you do becuase it's the reason why you wrote here in the first place, right?) or maybe I am wrong...
Goodluck!
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