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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I dated my ex for about a year, it was a year full of ups and downs, tiring for me mentally. We always had alot of problems, but i was naive enough to be manipulated by him because he's my first boyfriend. Basically, when i first met him, he told me that he doesn't have any brothers or sisters , he always told me about a close family member of his that passed away and he seemed to be really close to him, but he never mentioned who exactly is that person. He told me that one day he'll tell me this really personal secret about him, but after we actually get engaged he 'might he' ready to tell me about it.I was always wondering what was that really personal secret.About a week ago, we had a huge argument and i ended up breaking up with him, he told me that he always wanted to tell me a secret, and he confessed that it was his brother that passed away, and he has a sister that he never mentioned to me and told me that he didn't have any contact with her for years. I told him why didn't he tell me about this before and why would he even lie about himself being the only child, he said that it was something really personal to him and he just doesn't like talking about it. I found it weird why would he decide to say this to me right now after i was serious about breaking up with him. I thought that it was just a way to show him some empathy and feel sorry for him so we can stay together, however i stayed on my word and told him that I'm sorry that this thing happened to him but I'll stick to my word that we are no longer together. Till this day, He's begging me to get back to him but I'm completely ignoring him. Will someone tell me why would he hide those facts about him?
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (18 October 2019):
If he is estranged from his family for good reasons or bad it may have been easier to say he had no family rather than try to explain why he is estranged.
But there is no proof that he is telling the truth now. You’ve broken up with him and from the way you described things you’re better off that way.
Ignore his pleading, block him if you must and get on with your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2019): Lots of people with bad family relationships just pretend they dont' exist. A lot of the time it's stuff they don't want to share until they trust someone. But i'm not sure why it matters as you've already broken up with him and wish to stick to that decision.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 October 2019):
 The fact of the matter is that he is not to be trusted. He doesn't sound like someone you want to associate with and you did the right thing breaking up with him. It's way too complicated, he's a liar with a complex relationship with his family and there's way too much baggage that he carries with himself. Obviously he wants to get back with you... No one else will tolerate him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2019): People who have seriously dysfunctional-families, or broken-relationships with siblings; often pretend they don't exist. They do best to keep distance between them, and avoid contact. If they become involved in relationships; it's unlikely they'll want to share details, answer questions about family, or invite their estranged family-members into their lives. They are avoiding each other for a reason...obviously!
I mean, you can't be so naive; as not to know some people aren't proud of, or on good-terms with their siblings or families. Now that you're broken-up, details of his past or family are irrelevant. Now they're none of your business.
A few lessons to carry with you. If he has too many secrets, let that be a red-flag. If a relationship consistently remains shaky and turbulent; there is no reason to hold-on to it. I don't care if it is your first; you have to use common-sense. How can you trust someone who's secretive and insists on keeping things from you? Some secrets might hurt you!
Even the relationship you had wasn't a good one. So, why do you care now?
Trust never grew enough between you to divulge his secrets; and now it's best to move on and forgetaboutit!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 October 2019):
 Well done for sticking to your guns and not taking him back. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You should be grateful for the argument which finished the relationship and showed your ex in his true colours.
I totally agree with your suspicion that he was trying to play the sympathy card to win you back. You don't even really know whether he is telling the truth NOW. Perhaps he really IS an only child. Perhaps he has a dozen siblings. Perhaps he is just a fantasist who likes to play people by lying. Perhaps he has no contact with the rest of his family because they are sick of his lies.
As Honeypie says, it really doesn't matter why he said what he said. You will probably never find out. Only HE knows the answer and he has proved himself to be a liar, so you can't believe ANYTHING he tells you.
You sound like a sensible young lady. Chalk this one up to experience and, if he won't stop bothering you, tell him you will contact the police.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 October 2019):
 Does it matter?
He is an ex. The longer you keep this "I wonder why..." think going the longer you are preventing yourself from moving forward and getting over him.
However, I can venture a guess or two.
1. It makes him feel like there is still a bit of "mystery" about him.
2. Something bad happened that he isn't willing to share, perhaps out of guilt or grief.
I do find it absolutely odd that HE was willing to get engaged with you and probably even marry you and NOT share that "dark secret". And let's not forget, it doesn't make him more interesting or mysterious... It creates doubt, because WHAT else from his past hasn't be told you or been honest about? And just how LITTLE did he trust you?
And yes, I DO think he was trying to pull the sympathy card when he told you after you broke up with him. It just didn't work in you getting back together... THOUGH, he made you keep thinking and wondering so he is on your mind still. Sort of "living rent free in your head" and maybe even preventing you from totally moving on.
Whatever "secret" that he didn't tell you or didn't want to share, it's NO LONGER relevant as he is no longer in your life.
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