A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My lovely boyfriend who is 35 hasnt had many girlfriends and when we first met he had a huge collection of porn which he has now deleted from his computer. He says he doesnt need it any more.However, he seems very keen on me wearing really high heels very short skirts when we go out and is always asking me to wear them. I explained that I didnt want the unwanted attention of guys wearing clothes like that but like wearing fitted smart clothese which show off my figure without looking over the top. He doesnt have female friends or a facebook account and we have an active sex life and I am happy to dress up for him there. I just feel like with all the porn he has watched over the years and with his lack of experience with women he may see women as sexual objects and I I find this unsettling.I have tried talking to him and he says he is not intersted in anyone else he just loves to see women in very short skirts and low cut tops but why would he want to parade me round looking like this? It makes my stomach turn, he is supposed to be protecting me not flauting me in this way surely?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): I agree with the others who say he's proud of you being his girlfriend, and he wants to show you off.But, I wouldn't assume that means he only likes you because of your looks. I think my girlfriend is smoking hot, but I like her as a person as well. (we have the exact opposite problem. She likes to wear skimpy clothes in public, and I don't care for it)Having said that, if you are really uncomfortable with it, don't do it. You will come to resent it.You might have to keep repeating to him you don't like having other men leer at you constantly. Perhaps you could figure out a compromise and dress for him like that in private, and try to find a sexy middle ground that you're comfortable with in public.
A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (17 March 2011):
He's probably just doing it to show you off.. Tell him that you can either do it in public so that other guys potentially steal you away or just do it in private and it be just for him.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 If the man is proud of you and thinks you look smashing in high heels and a skirt then heaven bless you. Why get insecure about that. The man has a certain taste, just like I am sure you'd be happy to see him in a suit for a formal occasion, or see him shave before meeting your grandma. He thinks you look amazing in high heels and a skirt, is proud of you, and wants to show the world "hey hey look what I got!".
If I was you I'd be happy to dress up. But there's a catch of course, the question is whether he demands you dress a certain way, or if he's just expressed his preference. You are by all means able to wear whatever you want, and shouldn't feel pressured by your boyfriend to wear either or. Think of it like a special treat to him if you dress up in the heels and skirt. A special treat wont be so special if you give it all the time. But every now and again, why not?
Some women love to be the accessory, some don't. You fall in the category of women who don't like to be flaunted. That's fine. But there's nothing wrong or objectifying about him being proud of you and wanting to show you off. It's how he treats you overall in the relationship that determines whether he's a good man or whether he's an objectifying scumbag. See the relationship in the big picture and don't make mountains out of anthills.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 I agree with Dirtball, he is VERY proud of having a hot chick (YOU) on his arm.
But, honestly, if you don't want to wear slutty clothes don't. Stick to your guns, he will understand that having a CLASSY HOT chick on his arm is FAR more "impressive" then a SLUTTY girl on his arm.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 March 2011):
 "why would he want to parade me round looking like this?"
To show off. He probably takes pride in others noticing you and seeing that you're with him. He also thinks you look really good in those outfits.
If you don't like it, don't do it. I think it has less to do with objectification than it does wanting to show off. Sort of, "look who I can get!" It's juvanile, but if he's rather inexperienced, that's pretty typical as well.
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