A
female
age
41-50,
*unlightdew
writes:i am a married lady of 31. i am very happy in my marriage except for the fact that my husband cheated on me wid an office collegue. but his affair was only restricted to chats and phone calls which i caught later. some months ago i began chatting with a married man. we were always open about our status. he always said hes not happy in his marriage and is only there for his kid but also that he'll never leave his wife. i at first ignored his chats but he began persuing me hard and so after getting so much attention i gave in and started chatting regularly. after a while we exchanged phone numbers and the talks began. he had alway made it clear that this was not his first affair and hes seen women on the side always. hes 15 yrs elder to me and very attractive and funny.after much persuasion from his side we met a couple of time wherein we kissed etc. i was still not ready for this progress in the relationship as i wanted to take it slow. due to my reluctance hes angry with me and started acting cold towards me. now he no more messages me and is always angry for some reason or another. i really miss the earlier chats we had.i was planning to invite him to my place next week as my husband is not there. i know what this will lead to but am really confused if i should go ahead with it. i feel really guilty about this everytime i look at my husband. never thought i'd get attracted to anyone after marriage let alone a married man!!!!I know if i do get physical with him it'll be difficult to stop the afffair. what should i do??? i dont want this excitement to end but i know it is wrong. please help!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Hello, this is "kungpow" - I just didn't sign in...I am so glad that you are going to take our advice. And I know it is probably not easy, but I know that you're doing the right thing. I am sure that one thing that made it easy for you to cheat was the fact that your own husband cheated. I personally NEVER did any kind of cheating on my wife. But she cheated on me. When a person cheats, they play the blame game. That is not productive. You only live once, so I think it matters how well we live and how honest we are and making good judgments and not to use people or deceive the ones we love. Life is to short to hurt the ones we love and play games. If your husband died tomorrow, I am sure you would not want it to all end that way and not get to turn things around. What he did to you was dead wrong. But don't stoop to that level. If you ever find yourself deeply unhappy, then break up and go be single and live the life you want. When my wife cheated on me, I felt deeply sad and alone and betrayed and humiliated. I honestly treat her very well but she made excuses to justify cheating and blamed me rather than take responsibility for her behavior. That was immature. Then after she confessed her affair, she would not acknowledge it as cheating. She said it's not cheating if there was no sex! That just shows you just how LITTLE she knows - or admits to knowing - about cheating! I think she just tried to minimize what she did. But she knew it was wrong and deceitful. To her, sex is the "ultimate" way to cheat. Well, not to everyone else. I find it equally as painful as emotional cheating because she let someone into her HEART and she would have let someone else into her bed. It is easier to get someone out of your bed than it is to get them out of your heart, isn't it? A relationship isn't all built on sex. It is also built on the emotions involved: wanting to send mushy cards and sexy emails, thinking of them all day, saying nice and flirty things... These things are reserved for your SPOUSE. Not for someone else. I am SO glad you are going to work on your marriage! Talk to each other about your feelings and what you want together! So glad you cut off the other guy. Your marriage repair depends on that as well! BEST OF LUCK!
A
female
reader, sunlightdew +, writes (18 March 2011):
sunlightdew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thanks for the prompt responses.... they were sooo helpful n made me feel better already :)
i deleted his phone numbers and also his id from my chat. n guess wat??? have already planned a great weekend with my husband... so i guess thats where i'll be focusing my energies from now on.... wish me luck!!!! :)
and m happy i dint get physical with this guy even though the temptation was overpowering.
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A
female
reader, KungPow  +, writes (18 March 2011):
I was nearly in tears when I read your story. My wife cheated on me with a coworker last year. And mind you, we had no problems at all in the bedroom, I don't abuse her, and I pay her LOTS of attention and give her affection. I am romantic, I listen to her problems and provide a nice home. I don't do drugs or anything. I love her and tell her every day since we first said it years ago. She tells me I am the best thing that's ever happened to her. But some people get greedy and they want it ALL. She got attracted to someone else at work and she started getting close to that person. They kissed a couple of times and the rest was all emotional cheating. Secret emails, texting, meeting in the parking lot after work. I could feel her leaving me in my heart. It killed me. She was lying to me constantly about this new "friend" of hers at work. But I knew that every time she had to hang up with me, it was because her "friend" was texting her or in the room at work. My own wife was shutting her ringer off when I called. She snuck off to meet her "friend" and attempted to have sex. Even though they never had sex, I never completely got over the betrayal and deceit. I know that you are on a high from the excitement of someone who doesn't REALLY know you, and you don't REALLY know him. Right now it is hard for you to walk away and do the right thing. But please know this: You MARRIED your husband for reasons. DO you take promises and vows seriously? DO they mean anything to you? DO you take care of each other when you are sick and shovel each other's cars out of the snow and pay bills and get through life together? Because that is how it is in my marriage. And it hurts to the BONE when the person you are married to is being sneaky and dishonest about something so important. When my wife cheated and lead her "double-life" I wanted to die. Every day. She was killing me. While she was happy and enjoying her excitement, I wanted to die. I was getting physically ill. Couldn't eat or sleep right. I was always a good spouse but I guess it's not enough for some people. So my advice - since you asked - is to break it off with that other man. Never speak to him ever again after you break it off. GO home to your husband. Don't sleep with that other man or chat with him. You are just going to break your husband's heart. And you won't end up with that other man in the end. You will ruin your life and your marriage. Good luck and I hope you are listening.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 March 2011):
 So, you wouldn't get physical with the married man, and now he's cold to you? Guess we know what he's after, and it isn't you. It's your body.
What the hell are you doing? You're about to do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Revenge cheating is never satisfying, and quite frankly drops you below even your husband's level.
If things aren't good with your husband and you want to stay with him, then work on things WITH him. Otherwise, leave him and start life on your own.
To screw around with a married man who is a liar and a serial cheat who doesn't care about you in the first place shows a complete lack of self-worth and dignity on your part. If he ever talks about his wife, his words are WORTHLESS. He's been screwing around on her for a long time. He justifies it. If you buy his crap, you're gullible and you might as well write "USE ME AND DISCARD ME" on your forehead.
I guarantee that he is a womanizer. He's cruising for other women too. That's what he is. His poor wife doesn't deserve to be abused emotionally by this loser.
Do yourself a favor and cut things off with him. There are other ways to get excitement in your life than become essentially a blow up doll for this jerk to use and toss.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): This man only wants sex - to be honest. This is clear because as you are holding back physically from him, he has become annoyed and distant. It is likely that if you do have sex with him, he will cool once the novelty has worn off. So you have 'loss' either way you go. So save yourself the pain and end it with him.
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