A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why did he want something serious and then disappear and block me?I met this guy online. We hit it off and had an instant connection. After talking for a month, we met in person. He met my friends and hung out with us a few times. We connected and really had a good time. After hanging out with my friends and I, he wanted to be "official". I felt like he was trying to move too fast so I said no.After a few more hang outs, we went on a few dates.They all went well. We talked about personal things. We know a lot about each others families/ personal problems/ life goals. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend. He held my hand, had his arm around me, kissed me, and showed all types of interest. My parents are happily married for 30+ yrs while His father has been divorced 3 times and seems to have trusting issues. He seems paranoid and even taught his son ways to "test" women to see if they are reliable and have genuine feelings. His son has tested me in certain ways. I told him I am very honest and trustworthy and I don't like being tested. He apologized and said he would knock it off. We both knew each others issues before dating. I had trust issues myself. I was able to open up and trust him without paranoia. Anyway, He met my family. He loved them/they loved them. He constantly talked about me meeting his family soon and ways to get on their "good side". A week ago, I agreed to be his girlfriend. We talked over the next two days, and then he disappeared three days after asking me to make it "official". We had no arguments or anything. He's in med school and he had two big tests. I assumed he was stressed and studying. Both tests are now over and I haven't heard from him in 4 days. He also has a 2 week vacation where he is most likely with his family, where he usually relaxes, unwinds, and barely talks. I also realized he blocked me (and my friends) on facebook and on the phone. I really like him and saw potential. He is a gentleman in person and very honest even with things you dont want to hear.. I know he is busy and doesnt take stress well, but the fact that he blocked me instead of just not responding, must mean something.The day before he disappeared/blocked me - he told me he loved me, talked to me about his family, talked about getting a residency close by me, talked about moving in together some day. Why would he say he loves me and has all these future plans and then just block me and disappear for days?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 June 2015):
 OP
Don't let this guy's behavior hold you back from trying to date again. BUT I would advice you to be a little weary of someone who starts out at 100mph - someone who declares love very soon and who makes ALL kind of promises early on.
You were right in slowing down. Something in your GUT was trying to tell you something. SO listen to that gut.
I would also suggest that next time you meet a guy and start talking, ask about his relationship with his parents. I have found that guys who have a healthy relationship with his mom (and dad) have a very different view of relationships.
HOW a guy treats his mom... is a LEARNED pattern. And it can be indicating HOW he will treat you.
Some guys are total momma's boys and those you might want to avoid as well, as the mom will see you as "competition" for her son's attention. You will never bee "good enough" for HER son. And he will roll over for mom.
How his relationship is with his dad is equally important. Because many men grow up with the notion that how dad was is how a man should behave in a "family" setting.
This guy ( thank you lucky star he "disappeared") was TAUGHT by his dad to disrespect and distrust his mom. Which means he might have started to disrespect and distrust you - JUST because you happen to have a set of ovaries.
You got a bad egg. It happens. Toss it over your shoulder and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHoneypie, you made a great point.
Now it's been a week since he "disappeared".
Whether he comes back or not, I have zero trust in him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2015): At the moment you are in shock and his behaviour is still painful and confusing. You will face a range of emotions trying to piece things together.
In time yes you will see he has a lot of personal issues. The main issue here is the trust has gone. Even if he returned next month you would not trust him not to do this again. Its now accepting that he isn't who you thought he was. In time this will all become a distant memory but for now be kind to yourself and give yourself time to come to terms with things. I think you might be pleasantly surprised how quickly you get over this guy.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 June 2015):
 OP as harsh as it sounds right now, you just need to get over it. He blocked you. That's extremely insulting and you shouldn't be thinking about why or how he did it....instead you should be telling yourself that you want nothing ever to do with this guy, who didn't even have the decency or the courtesy to break up with you to your face. He could have 'x' number of reasons to not trust people and really, that's HIS problem if he's that insecure. I say just pretend he's dead, say a few Hail Marys and get it over with.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 June 2015):
My dad cheated on my mom several times. And yes it DID affect me and how I saw/see relationships.
BUT HE is/was using that as an excuse. YOU are in NO WAY responsible for what his mother did in the past to his dad, and you should NOT be held responsible for it.
If it still affects him so badly he should maybe consider some counseling instead of treating you this way.
Don't make excuses for him. What he did was NOT OK.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy other friends who were not friends with him on facebook can see that the profile is still there. So i know its still there. When he was 16, his mom cheated on his dad with a younger man. I know that that is a reason he doesn't trust people
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2015): Maybe he deleted his FB account and that's why it looks like your all blocked (u wouldn't even be able to find his profile right?) It could be a manipulative test to see how much you love him back... did you respond to his 'I love you'? Maybe there was always drama with his kids mom and they decided to get back together. Who knows! But if he comes back. Be very careful
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as I knew, he cut off many people (without me asking).He was either with me in person or texting me, so I never once consideredthere might be someone else. I'm thinking more of a game.He blocked me on Facebook and on the phone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs far as I knew, he cut off many people (without me asking).
He was either with me in person or texting me, so I never once considered
there might be someone else. I'm thinking more of a game.
He blocked me on Facebook and on the phone.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2015):
 OP, it's not necessarily anything BAD per se. At least not in the traditional sense. AND it's NOT personal. HIS bad behavior is NOT a reflection on you.
IN the long run, you should be grateful he blocked you so that you know what you are dealing with and are not so attached that you can't walk away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): Mmm. After all those nice words .. apparently nice words and good behaviour and promises and then poof! Gone. Back into the ether from whence he came, like a genie.I've had this done to me, the disappearing act, except it was as part of a battery of manipulative techniques employed to keep me feeling like crap about myself over the course of a 4 year "relationship". It was always done to punish me for some perceived slight or offence I had supposedly committed. But this is a bit different, as you guys had hardly been together 5 minutes.Have you tried ringing him? My first thought would be is he ok? Has something happened to him? You say he has blocked you? What do you mean by that exactly? On Facebook or something similar? If that is the case, then it sounds very much as if he is either another one of the miserable abusive manipulators that I had the misfortune to get involved with... or he has found someone else and is a player and doesn't have the decency to tell you.If he is blocking you from social media contact, I think your answer, although fairly non-specific, basically is that he is a dirtbag and he showed you who he REALLY is.. and luckily for you, at a relatively early stage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers everyone!
At first I didnt think anything of it since I know he has
A problem with anxiety combined with the fact that he had two big tests.
regardless, the tests are over and he is still gone, so it must be something bad.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 June 2015):
 When I read your post, it reminded me of a car commercial that aired a couple of years ago where this little boy is learning how to pitch a baseball. His father goes outside, tells the boy "Here, son, this is how you throw it." and proceeds to teach the boy how to throw the ball. There was only one problem: The dad had no idea how to throw one. He messed up the boy's skills by teaching him how to actually be worse at throwing. The commercial was humorous, but there's a lesson here that applies.
This idiot kid's dad has no idea how to have a healthy relationship, and teaching his son "tests" made the kid much worse at it.
His blocking you had to do with him dating someone else at the same time, and what his dad taught him was that words are more important than actions. The opposite is true.
Run like hell from this guy. Count your blessings he's not flaking out after a pregnancy announcement, or after a 5-year marriage, or after 2 years of dating. You will not be the one to retrain him, and truthfully, you need to find a guy who doesn't promise the world inside of a month knowing him (the online month of talking doesn't count on the timeclock). His going too fast is a classic flake signal.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (24 June 2015):
Maybe he has someone else on the side and was two-timing you? Then when things worked out with her he just blanked you out?
I dont know OP, just a guess....like the others have said, it all seems very vague and we can only just guess
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2015):
I'm with SVC,
I have NO idea why he would do that. It makes no sense to MOST people.
But IF this is part of him "testing" you or running from issues, I'd say he did you a favor. Because I wouldn't be surprised if it's not a "test his dad taught him" but something HE chose to you. And it wasn't an accident (as he blocked your friends too).
Personally, I can't see anything THIS guy can say that would make he want to continue dating. Yes, he said he loved you, but LOOK at his actions? Does blocking you show love? No.
So I'd block and un-friend him on FB, delete him number and block on the phone and move on.
I don't know what kind of guy would play games with a girl this way. But I certainly wouldn't wait around to find out. It'd be bye bye.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2015):
Why he would do it I am not sure... the fact that he did it at all is the problem.
if he runs from conflict or anything that makes him uncomfortable then he's not going to be a good long term partner.
if he's doing it to play games he's not going to be a good partner.
what he's done is a favor to you.... consider ending it now that you are blocked and just walk away.
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A
female
reader, Kendle  +, writes (24 June 2015):
 Yes that is a very strange way to behave. Have you tried getting in touch with him? Does he ignore your calls and texts? Even if he has changed his mind about you being together you deserve to be told and given an explanation. My feeling is he is not a nice guy and you would be better to get out now while it's early stages than stay with him and potentially get really hurt. Anyone can pretend to be decent and a gentleman for a few weeks but not just anyone would treat their girlfriend so inconsiderately and disrespectfully. Perhaps he was just after the chase and once you agreed to be his g.f and we're open to being serious with him in the future, he got bored and has now lost interest. I would send him one message asking why he has blocked you and explaining that this is not an appropriate way to treat your girl. You deserve an explanation. Then cut your losses and be glad you didn't waste more than a few weeks with such an idiot.
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