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*helly913
writes:Why would an ex say "we should have a relationship with love and compasion because we have history." he left the marriage for another woman who he has been with for over 5 yrs. now. there were other women before her. He is extremely dishonest and manipulative and abusive. we have two adult children who live with me and don't have anything to do with him. i'm wondering if he is trying to get to them via me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ModelCitizen  +, writes (12 October 2013):
He definitely wants something from you and is trying to lay the groundwork before he asks for whatever it is. I really hope you tell him to get lost when the time comes though. Plus I agree that you should go after the alimony/child support you are entitled to because he has committed a serious offence in hiding his assets from the courts. He owes you that money for both yourself and your children.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I believe things on his end might be a bit rocky at present and he is preparing you to be his security blanket should the need arise. Relationship/financial troubles, that sort of thing. I think your kids have little to do with it.
He may want to know the comforts of home are available in case he needs them. That is companionship, security, a home cooked meal, possibly sex, maybe money, or perhaps some kind of moral support or even character reference if he's facing some kind of financial/legal action.
You already know this, but I will say it anyway. His desire for a loving, compassionate relationship will fizzle when whatever difficulty he's facing now passes.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (11 October 2013):
 My guess is because he is a twat.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2013):
 Wait a second - did you say that he put everything into his girlfriend's name before you filed for divorce? Heh, you could notify the courts that he committed fraud, which will get him in serious trouble. You can't do that, nor can you hide assets from bankruptcy court or hide income to avoid child support.
You could seriously hose him, because if you have proof of that, which you could very easily obtain by hiring a decent P.I. to go over his asset history with a fine toothed comb.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): "Why would an ex say 'we should have a relationship with love and compasion because we have history.'"
To try and con you into sleeping with him again.
"He is extremely dishonest and manipulative and abusive."
That's why he's trying to get you back into bed with him.
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A
female
reader, shelly913 +, writes (11 October 2013):
shelly913 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe does not pay alimony as he put everything into his girlfriends name when he knew i was going to file for divorce. he owns his own businesses and hides them. what i think he wants is me to convince the kids to have a relationship with him. he keeps saying that they don't because of me. this in not true. he to told the girlfriend he was with before the current one that he would remove his kids from his life for her because she was worth that to him. she didn't want him to have any connection with his past. he told them both to their faces that he said this to her and that they are no asset to him and no loss. this is among other abusive treatment we all recieved from him.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2013):
I'd tell the ex that his "history" with you is based on lies, abuse, and manipulation, so therefore no relationship is going to happen, as he is toxic and you have no friends who are abusive, lying, and manipulative. Relationships are based on actions. Having a "history" doesn't automatically mean he's entitled to love and compassion.
Sounds ilke he's trying to get something from you. Does he owe you back child support or something?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 October 2013):
 'He is extremely dishonest and manipulative and abusive'
...that's why he's saying it.
I think his use of the word 'compassion' indicates he is trying to get close to his children and his use of the word 'love' is the hook with which he intends to make you do as he says.
His children should have the final say on whether they see him.
You, however do not and should not feel obliged to have any kind of relationship with him and you can make that clear by telling him firmly 'No' or ignoring him completely. If he persists by manipulation, you go to the court and ask for a restraining order, then change your numbers and get on with your own life!
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