A
female
 ,
*asteofIndia
writes:This is a very little matter indeed, but I come to you to find out (or confirm) if it is weird.I'm working with a family - a Father and daughter... they have asked me to adapt their daughter's book that she wrote when she was 6 into a play. Alright, very well. So I'm doing it. She's sweet and the family seems to be very focused. They ask all the right questions and are very excited about this happening.I met with her and her father after meeting with them once before merely to introduce ourselves. We spent some time together - he's very professional and very enthusiastic about getting his daughter's book some stagetime. We had a nice time. I left for about 5 minutes with his daughter to get her some books to look over. Here's where the "incident" happened. I came back and went to my purse for some chapstick. My purse is enormous and takes some digging through. My chapstick is kept in a little pocket towards the bottom. When I retrieved it, I went to put it on... and it was rolled down into the tube. I never do that (it scrapes against your lips when you put it on! Why risk it?). I said, "that's weird, somebody used my chapstick".And the Father said... "Oh, I did."I thought he was joking. I said, "no really, somebody used my chapstick". And again he said, "yes - I used it." He kind of laughed it off. I did too, merely because I was so stunned!Is that weird? It is so small, and yet it raises so many questions!! a) why would you GO THROUGH MY PURSE to get my chapstick?b) you don't know if I have cooties, why would you use a STRANGERS chapstick?c) if you really need some chapstick, why would you not just ask!?d) and why, why, WHY would you ADMIT it? I would have never in a billion years suspected him. And that is a weird thing to do. Why would he admit to this?I have racked my brain - did I use it earlier and he saw? Was the chapstick in a different, more accessible place? But no! No it wasn't! It was buried deep inside my purse! And he went to the trouble to return it to it's home! (But apparently, not to keep the chapstick rolled up.)Was he checking me out or something? Seeing if I had drugs or otherwise? Even so, why deter from the mission to use somebodies chapstick? Nothing was missing. And if it was, then he'd be pretty dumb to admit that he was the one rifling through my bag.I have no other reason to be skeeved. I get no weird vibes from him and he's known by a lot of people I work with - he comes well recommended. But isn't that weird?!? What could possibly be the reason for this? Is it possible that the guy just had to use some chapstick and had to go digging to find some?I am not a prude. I'm laid back, relaxed. Seriously, you need some chapstick - cool. But this? I'm overusing this word, but I don't know what else to say! It's weirding me out!I know that this is small. But I just need to know if you guys think it is weird. Maybe give me a feasible reason. This seems like some kind of Seinfeld episode or something. I'm just not sure what to make of this. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (27 October 2012):
I'd probably feel violated if someone went through my purse and used my chapstick.
My gut feeling is he was curious about what was in your purse (i knew a few boys in high school who loved going through a girls purse just to see what was in it.) He may have been searching for drugs or money, but usually people searching for drugs in a purse only take the risk if they hear/see a pill bottle or loose pills. Drug seekers tend to be overly curious about any medical condition you have and ask probing questions to learn what and how many you are prescribed per month. I've dealt with these types and have had medication stolen because I was too trusting. Drug/money thieves pay an unusual amount of attention to your purse/pocketbook before they go through it, then avoid looking at it afterward. I don't know why...This is just what i've experienced.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2012): If he used it then yes its weird...very weird.even my husband doesnt go in my bag without asking just as i dont go through his pockets! Do you think this man could have been joking? I think that is the most likely answer, in future maybe carry a smaller bag and dont leave it out of your sight!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 October 2012):
 My own husband does not go through my purse! My bag of stuff is my bag of stuff.
I would be immensely freaked out... I would feel violated if a stranger (and he is a stranger in this respect) went through my purse. especially to find chapstick... WITHOUT ASKING...
not to mention don't put your LIPS on my chapstick....
so many things wrong with this.
and if he was joking... (and I know what you mean about where you leave the top of the chapstick.. flush with the lip) that's one weird sense of humor...
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 I agree, its very weird! I would consider it as an invasion of privacy and I would not like anyone to rummage about in my purse without my permission. For one thing I always carry a sanitary napkin just in case of an emergency, I have various IDs', my diary with personal info, etc. I wouldn't want anyone to look inside my purse because this is all personal stuff. And why on earth would he want chap stick only during the 5 minutes when you were gone, is beyond my understanding. Its really very weird!! And more so to use someone's chap stick because as you said, its not even good hygiene to use someone's used chap stick, that too someone you barely know!!
Well you cant really do anything now, but keep an eye on him and if you feel that he's looked inside your purse even one more time, tell him politely but VERY firmly that you do not like him looking inside your purse without your permission. If he wants something, he can ask you. If an ID proof is what he wants to check, you are more than happy to furnish that info willingly. But please, no snooping.
Sometimes it calls to be firm even if it comes across as rude, but he's asking for it!!
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A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (26 October 2012):
 I've no idea why this man should have done this but the incident has at least taught you one thing and that is to be wary of him. Never leave anything lying around when he's in the vicinity. It may have been a one off situation but if he does anymore strange things you'll have to re-think whether you want to be bothering with him and his family.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (26 October 2012):
 HI
Maybe he has the hots for you, so in by using your chapstick he feels closer to you. He knows you MUST know where in YOUR bag you left it, so can't get out of saying "not me" lol but yes very very weird, to the point that I would NOT want to be leaving my things unattended again.
Good luck with the play
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 October 2012):
 That 's more than weird ! It's more " Alice in Wonderland "( curioser and curioser ) than Seinfeld.
I can only think of two things :
it was all a bizarre misunderstanding. You had , for once, absentmindedly rolled the chapstick down , the guy was just joking, and you thought he was serious.
Yeah, a bit farfetched. Otherwise, then, it only leaves me option number two :
the guy is completely nutty. Or some lipstick feticist. Who would go rummaging through a perfect's stranger belongings as soon as she turns her eyes. Plus, chapstick is not a life-or-death matter, he could /should have waited for you to come back ,and asked if you had any, In fact, not everybody carries chapstick in their purses, I never do, for instance, -so, even if his lips were aching for immediate relief, how could he be sure he'd find it in your bag ?
Maybe he was looking for something else...I don't know, proof of your identity, with children you are never careful enough.... but then again, why using your chapstick ?
I'd be freaked out too, and frankly I don't have any good advice, because the episode is both too small to decide that the man is a dangerous social deviant, and too weird to just be dismissed with an " oh well ". All I can suggest, since , other than that, he acts normal and professional, is to show up at your next work meetings with no bag and just bring the essential ( keys, some cash ) in your pockets, surely he won't dig into those too, and if he is an otherwise normal guy with a weird lipstick fascination, he won't be put in temptation.
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