A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Around 5 years ago, I was selected to attend an academic programme in another country. Upon reaching there, I met a guy from my country who was also a participant and we hit it off. There was nothing even remotely romantic... He was married and I was single.. And while he was a nice guy, there was nothing more to it. He was helpful and respectful and we spent time together after our classes, exploring the city. Once the programme was over, we went our ways and since then I've been married and I have a baby now. I haven't met this guy after the summer school because we stay in different parts of the country and our paths never cross. I didn't really keep in touch other than the obligatory "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" messages and maybe the odd "hey what's up" maybe once in 6 months.A few days ago this guy messaged me and I responded. A bit of small talk and then he says, "I've wanted to tell you this for the last 5 years, I wish you were my life partner". To say I was aghast was an understatement! He went on to say how he regrets meeting me "late", how he can't stop thinking about me and more such drivel.I told my husband immediately and he laughed it off but I guess I'm disturbed by his admission. Not because I'm interested in him in the least but because I can't help but wonder, why would a married man with 2 kids tell this to someone he's met once in his life 5 years ago? He knows we're probably never going to meet again and he knows I'm happily married. Why then would be say something like this to me?
View related questions:
christmas, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 May 2019):
 He's unhappy in his marriage and is somehow hoping that you might feel the same way for him. Maybe spending time with you and getting to know you was the most exciting thing that has happened in his boring life and he can't get himself to forget that. In any case it's extremely disrespectful to his wife that he's professing his love to you in this way. Block him immediately and ensure no further contact.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2019): He is bored or unhappy in his marriage. He is trying to fill in the void with a fantasy relationship. It would help him feel alive and vital whereas now he feels dead inside, unappreciated and lonely. If it isn't you, it WILL be another woman. This guy is going to try until he finds a vulnerable female who falls for his lame act.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): You want to know why? To get into your pants that is why.Be smarter than this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Because his marriage is in a rut (for which he must be at least partly to blame) and because he only spent a short bit of quality time with you and built up a fantasy around that short time. Now, based on that time he shared with you, he thinks you are the one he should have held out for. If he WAS married to you, he would most probably be yearning after someone different.
In your shoes I would cut contact with him because what he has done is totally selfish and unforgivable. Despite you not being at all interested in him, it has unsettled you enough to write here. He is not quite as nice a man as you believed him to be and, although your husband might have laughed it off, he is bound to have doubts in his mind if you continue to keep contact with this man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2019): Lust...unadulterated lust; and boredom with his marriage. When you love your spouse or partner; your mind is not preoccupied with random people you've met incidentally.
Your marriage is fine and intact.
Nip it at the bud!!! Discontinue any and all means of contact!
Men looking for flings, affairs, or extracurricular activities outside their marriages know how to operate. They know what women like to hear; and he knew this would blow your mind.
If it didn't matter to you; you wouldn't have gone as far as writing an advice site about it. Purge any further thought!
The best reaction is to block any further contact; and get-on with your life.
Who cares what his reasoning is? The less you entertain this in your mind; the least likely it will take-up residence in your thoughts. Temptation starts as a thought, and it only takes root when you let it process through your mind. Thus the biblical saying: "Resist the devil, and he will flee!"
Just hearing "I love you" shouldn't mean squat coming from anyone but family, good platonic-friends, and your significant-other.
Married-men outside your marriage are thinking below the belt; when any other woman is sexually/romantically on his mind other than his wife. You're not naive. I believe you're wise enough to know that.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Because he built up some fantasy idea of you, isnt really mentally grounded, and is tired of his marriage and wants a piece of ass on the side.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2019):
 Because he is bored in his married and a BIT selfish. he didn't tell you for YOUR sake, but for his own. It's pretty much him trying to live out the fantasy he's been building these past 5 years. He was hoping you felt the same.
My advice, wish him luck and BLOCK all contact.
It's a tad too obsessive to spend 5 years building up to telling you. And if you are ON each other's social media he KNOWS you are married with kids, and he OUGHT to know better.
So yes, I wouldn't worry TOO much about WHAT he is thinking, it's irrelevant, what DOES matter is what you do with this nonsensical information.
Block, delete, unfriend, ignore. THAT would be my respond.
...............................
|
