A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may be a brad question, but it just doesn't make sense to me why a guy would cheat on a good girl that hes been with for a few years. I was absolutely good to him. Im as sincere as they get. Im honestly the type of girlfriend most guys are looking for. I cared for him, appreciated him, and loved him unconditionally. i was able to look past all the imperfections and love him regardless because i wanted him in my life. so to me it does not make sense why he would throw it all away for some random hook up one night.i understand it may be different for every guy but i just continue to wonder why would a guys hurt a nice girl so badly? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): one of the commenters said, "Relationships can survive affairs, "
I think that yes they can survive affairs but they won't thrive and bloom as a relationship built on trust will, they would be just basically "surviving." do you want a relationship that is not fulfilling and blossoming but merely "surviving"? (and for what purpose?)
no not every man will cheat if he had the chance. Only those who are deep down unhappy with their partners and relationships, or unhappy with themselves or life in general, or who are very selfish and dont' care for anyone else but themselves.
everyone knows that cheating is morally wrong and looked down on by other people, that's why cheaters conceal the fact that they cheated. so for a guy to cheat points to problems either in himself or in his relationship.
it may not be anything to do with you that is the reason he cheated. It could be entirely due to problems within himself. or, he could actually have been pretty unhappy with you but just kept it to himself so you didn't know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@RAINORFIRE Yes I still love him but why would I take back a man who didn't respect me enough to not cheat in first place? Just because there is many men that cheat all the time it doesn't make it okay. If him and I were married then I would feel a bit more obligated to stick around, work things out and forgive and forget, but that is not the case. As much as it hurts I have to let go because I know I don't deserve that. So yes I would say HE threw away what he had for a random hook up.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (2 December 2011):
 wow how did he throw it all away? If you love him unconditionally you will forgive him for this an forget it. "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us". Now if you dont do this it would be you throwing everything away..
I will be honest with you though all the married men and guys in relationships I know would cheat in a heartbeat if they had the chance. many would have a one night stand if they could every night. I know plenty of men who cheat on a regular basses. And this what they always say to me sorta "No shoe feels as good as a new shoe"
Your BF will have to make a conscience decision not to cheat on you and put himself in situations where hes vulnerable.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 because he could?
sorry that he did this to you but you yourself said "i was able to look past all his imperfections"
IS IT POSSIBLE he was the way he was to you on purpose so that you might consider not being with him?
i know my partner and I accept each others imperfections and fight a lot as we get settled in our lives but CHEATING and LYING are never options....
so what did you accept as imperfections? he left the toilet seat up? or other serious things?
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A
female
reader, bluecow  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 I know this doesnt speak for all men, but for the majority (yes even those in loving relationships and happy marriages), if its offered on a plate they will take it.
Its no excuse but alcohol does release inhibitions, people act very differently when drunk to how they would in everyday life.
Relationships can survive affairs, however whether you think yours is strong enough, and he is committed enough is down for you to decide. If not, then drop him like a stone and move on.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Hi,
He's young, immature, and selfish. Some people go through life without making these kind of mistakes, but some get weak... We are only humans, it doens't make it ok, and it's never an acceptable excuse, but it's the truth.
Hopefully your boyfriend will change, and this experience made him realize what an amazing girlfriend he has by his side, and how lucky he's to have you in his life.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): "Why would a guy throw it all away for a random one night hook up?"
You answered your own question:
"i was able to look past all the imperfections and love him regardless because i wanted him in my life."
Translation: He thinks he can get away with it and even if he doesn't he can always sweettalk you into taking him back.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 He's insecure doll. He lacks significant self-confidence otherwise he would thrive the relationship with you and work towards a future. His random one nighter has no excuses, be it alcohol, friends influence, etc. His behavior is typical whereas yours is not which should logically point you in the direction that you deserve a true gentleman who reciprocates the same.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 December 2011):
It's not you, at all. This is him. You can be the nicest person in the world, but if you have boyfriend who is, at his core, rotten, then there's nothing you can do about it.
I was kind of in the same position a few years back. I was really good to my girlfriend, but she cheated on me. I don't believe that her cheating reflects who I am at all, and I never did. It reflects only who she was.
Same for you. Him cheating doesn't in any way reflect who you are. It just shows you that you shouldn't be ignoring those imperfections, because they are real signs that he's not worthy of your time.
If you are the type guys are looking for (and it really seems you are), then stop wasting time on men who aren't worth your time, up your standards a bit and get a guy worthy of you.
Don't sell yourself short again.
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (1 December 2011):
 He didn't care or respect you on the same level as you did for him. Some people just don't match. Some people just like to stray. Some people just aren't meant to be or work. It happens. Unfortunately, you got burned, but as soon as you carry on, you will see he probably paved the way for something better.
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