A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I let my significant other know that I don't want a relationship? He has told me that he is a manipulative bastard, emotionally dead and not good enough for me. I can't see anything completely wrong with him now, he has told me that he loves me and I love him. I just want to be with him, but I don't care to be labeled as anything. I'm so frustrated and I don't know if he understands that I just want him by my side. Does he not care about me? Is he trying to keep me on his good side? I just want to have him in my life. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): It sounds like you've had discussions about having a relationship but his response has not been positive so you now want to convince him that's not your angle. Telling you he's not good enough is him saying he doesn't want you basically. Him saying he's emotionally dead is another way of telling you he's not that into you.
I think what this boils down to is your willingness to have ongoing sex with a man who doesn't want you for anything more. You want to keep him by your side on any terms no matter how degrading and when you are willing to do that, you will drive the good ones away and the bad ones will stick around and take what they can get.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 December 2011):
 It sounds to me as though he's trying really hard to break up with you and you are hanging on for dear life.
Maybe he cares enough about you to let you down gently but he doesn't love you enough to be with you. Telling you he's a bastard, emotionally dead and not good enough for you is pretty clearly saying that he doesn't have the emotional connection to you. He's not trying to keep you on his good side, he's trying to get you to leave. Why, I don't know but it sounds as though his heart isn't in the relationship. The old "I love you but I am not in love with you" thing, I think.
You sound extremely desperate and unhappy. Any reason you are willing to take scraps from an emotionally dead bastard? I don't mean that in a nasty way, I'm trying to understand why you would tolerate being the afterthought, the substitute, the understudy. It's not good enough, you see.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Yeah me too, I don't know what you are asking. Apparently he IS in your life, he's told you he loves you and you said ditto so what's the problem?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2011):
 you want him in your life by your side but you don't want a relationship. color me confused.
WHAT do you want from him a FWB thing?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Say "I don't want a relationship."
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