A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, Can you please advise me on what to do with my wife who doesn't like make up at all. We have been married and everything is great except that I would love my wife to put on a bit of make up. She tried it one time and she looked great. I even went to lengths and gave her £500, but instead she spent it on other stuff and never bought any make up. I don't want her to put on a lot but just to style up a bit like most of her friends. At 28, I think it is a great age to style up a bit. When I told one of my friends about this, he told me that my wife is a Dr and Drs don't have time to make up, I disagreed with him. Do u guys out there think this might be the reason why?Cheers! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Little Miss Love +, writes (19 May 2011):
 i think it is amazing that she has the confidence to not wear make up, its a hard thing to go out amongst other girls that dont have make up on! if it really bugs you you need to talk to her about it and say how much it distresses you... however have you thought that maybe she feels uncomfortable about wearing makeup for some reason or another and that you trying to encourage it might be stressing her out?also if you have a perfect loving relationship apart from this then maybe you are working yourself up about it too much because people will naturally look for faults in people and concentrate on them, so it might help to try and see her in the eyes of someone looking in on your great working marriage (:i hope everything works out for you both :)
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (17 May 2011):
 well personally i think its really lovely that she is confident enough to go without make up. you know, if she starts wearing it it can become quite addictive coz we can 'feel naked' without it. applying it can be a time consuming pain in the arse at times! maybe she is not confident in her ability to apply it? why not treat her to a makeover -facial and make up lesson at a salon sometime and a massage too to help her de-stress and so that she won't think its all about you getting her to wear some make up. if she sees how good she can look it might make her feel differently about wearing it, even if just for special occasions
x
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 May 2011):
 All I can say is ask her. Come right out with it, if it bothers you so much. We cannot say why she doesnt want to.
You say this "I love her and want her to be the woman I married"....
How is she no longer the woman you married? Is her personality different? Is her attitude different? Is she now a different person because she no longer wears makeup?
Is it just the fact she no longer *looks* like she did when you married her?
I do not want to have a dig at you here, I am just trying to understand how you feel and how she has changed. Makeup alone does not change someone as a person. It takes other things, and goes far deeper. Are you sure there is nothing bothering her in her work or personal life that could cause her to change?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello people, as I said before my wife only owns Vaseline jelly as a cosmetic. She doesn't have mascara, lip balm or anything else. To me I count mascara and even lip balm as part of make-up. I don't want her to put on anything heavy as I don't want her to lose her natural looks. I just want her to pay a bit of more attention to herself and style up like she used to be. Can you imagine my wife has dry lips now days, I am sure most men will find that as a turn off when it comes to kissing very dry lips. I would be happy to have my wife style up like celtic_tiger with bits of lip balm and mascara. That aside, I am not disappointed that she spent the money on other things as the £££ I gave her is nothing to us given our earnings. Some of u guys are asking why it matters to me so much, it does b'se I care about her and I love her and want her to be the woman I married. I very much appreciate your advice people, many many thanks!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (16 May 2011):
Can I just ask why this is SO important to you?
I am like your wife, I'm 27, also work at a University and my daily make up consists of mascara (I refuse to leave the house without this)and lip balm (vaseline or other things).
Occasionally for going out or meetings I *may* add in some eyeliner, lipstick or eyeshadow, but only because I have to. I do not like wearing makeup. I do not like how it feels on my skin. I do not know how to apply it, what colours look good, and I always end up looking like a drag queen in full slap rather than a sophisticated, attractive intelligent woman. I don't like that look.
For me personally, less is more. I hate the way a full face of makeup feels on my skin. Its like a layer of paint, and when it dries you can feel it... (bad experiences from too many dance shows when I was younger..). Makeup dries out your skin and gives you spots. It also can age your skin.
Personally, I cannot think of anything worse than sitting down in the morning, applying a base of foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, lipstick before I went to work. With the job I do it would probably be smeared across my face by teabreak. It is just not practical. What does she actually do? In our dept I would think there are only 1 or 2 women who regularly slap up with makeup. The others are very simple, or none. Academic depts generally are not the place for that kind of makeup. People are far more relaxed about how you look, as long as you are smart and tidy (unless you are a mad Prof!).
Are you sure your idea of a *little* makeup isnt actually full warpaint? Can you give us an idea of what you class as a little?
Does your wife only wear lipbalm? Or are there other small touches which you do not notice, such as mascara? Natural makeup is supposed to look like you have nothing on. That is the whole point.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): i am a professional , in the legal industry: i almost NEVER wear make up. Yes i look different and do look better but for me as long as I look "neat" and well attired, i do not care much for the other "looks". my clients accept me for who i am and well, sometimes when they see me all dolled up, well, they comment and tell me how different i look.
i wore mascara recently and my colleague commented to me just how beautifully long my lashlashes were, after looking a bit longer she commented that even without the mascara, my eyelashes were just as long and beautiful.
BTW: I ALMOST know what my hb likes (being married for such a long time, i think i know him better than himself!!!), i know what he likes me to wear and I do. this makes me feel loved and appreciated as well that he still takes note of what i wear. I also compliment him when he is looking all dresed up and handsome. it feels good all around and makes for a pleasant evening together.
....just wanted to share my story........
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares,
My wife to the best of my knowledge isn't depressed at all. If she is then she should win an oscar in acting. We are more in love as spent quality time talking at times all night night on weekends and we are really free with each other.
She seems very okay and nothing much has changed apart from the make-up bit. We call each other even when at work just to say how much we love each other. Thanks people, I know I am in the right place and your advice is really much appreciated!
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (16 May 2011):
The question is, why is it so important to you that your wife wear make up? You gave her a lot of money for the express purpose of buying make up and are disappointed that she didn't spend it on that. So clearly this is a big deal to you. Why? have you considered if she would prefer you to look "better" too (maybe work out at the gym more...)?
Make up doesn't make THAT big of a difference. You still have the same face underneath it, after all...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Btw, how's everything in your wife's life ? is she stressed out , worried about something ? Does she act as usual or did she get less active, less social..?
Could she be mildly depresswed ?...
Since you say she used to wear make up then she stopped- a very telling symptom of depression creeping on you is when people start not caring about their appearance and abandoning their beauty routines....
Hey, I know, probably it's just me :), the concept of a 28 y.o. woman who only owns vaseline is so totally alien to me...that I think there must be something wrong with her, while she's probably as happy as a lark. But, just saying. You never know.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 May 2011):
While I feel your pain, and while in my country ,opposite to yours, it's unthinkable that a professional woman ( doctor,lawyer, etc. ) shows up at work without any make up, it would be like showing up at work in your pajamas , or with rollers in your hair,...ultimately it's her choice, and you have to respect that. If you insist, you are basically telling her that you don 't find her attractive the way she is and that you wish she'd be a different type of woman. The only thing you could try, is asking her to wear some for a special occasion ( party, dinner out , etc. ) just for once, to humour you , and then give her loads and loads of enthusiastic compliments ,who knows ,that might encourage to repeat the experiment occasionally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank u guys for all the feedback. I really have fallen in love with this forum b'se of the great advice everyone offers.
To begin with, when I first met my wife, yes she did wear make-up but not too much and she really looked great. But as time went on, she cut it out completely and I have to admit she looks hot and sweet with just a bit of make-up on. I have tried my level best not to appear as if I am forcing her to put on make up but by even showing her say some snaps she took when she had some bits of make-up on. I have to admit that my wife changed so much that at the moment, she only owns vaseline aand nothing else for cosmetics. I even feel funny, b'se I have stuff like aftershaves and a bit of moistureisers for my skin which she doesn't!
That aside, her profession allows her to put on make-up as she is a university lecturer not medical Dr.
Cheers guys!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 May 2011):
Hello again. Although you would probably like to see a bit of colour on your wife's face, it's also important that you don't make it into a big issue.
As someone else has said here, if you do make a big thing out of it, she might take it the wrong way and take offence to it, feeling that you don't accept her the way she is naturally. So this is something to keep in mind.
You don't want her to go thinking that if she doesn't start wearing makeup soon, that you will go wandering - into someone else's arms. You might not have thought of that.
So because of this, you do need to tread very carefully when you talk about it with her.
It could be that she doesn't feel she has enough time to spend 10 minutes applying makeup in the morning.
In any case, wearing makeup to work might seem a bit over the top for her, in her profession.
Whereas makeup when going out somewhere special with you, is a bit different and a bit more appropriate.
You could pay her a compliment and tell her what lovely features she has - cheekbones, eyes, mouth - and tell her she ought to make the most of them. That she is beautiful.
You could even say what you said here - that she looked great when she did wear it before.
Maybe you could mention to her that you feel she doesn't make you feel special, because she doesn't go to that extra effort. That you feel you are missing out on the best of her, in some way.
Because this is really what you are feeling, isn't it? At least at some level.
Makeup doesn't need to be loud, but can be subtle and still very attractive indeed. It's designed as a complement to a woman's natural beauty - not as a cover up.
But also as someone else said here, the end decision is really up to her.
She has her reasons for not wearing it. Perhaps she used to apply makeup a few years ago, but over time just got out of the habit. Maybe feeling a bit time poor - the same old story for most of us women.
She might not be opposed to it at all, just kind of out of sight, out of mind.
It is a situation you must handle very carefully, so as not to make her feel inferior. You don't want that.
As everything else in your relationship is good you have said, this is a very small part of the big picture.
However if it is important to you, say so. But be kind, loving and respectful when you do. Then she knows you are not just nit picking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): I know the reason *I* don't wear makeup is part laziness, part fear of becoming addicted. I'm afraid that if I start wearing makeup regularly, I will lose confidence in my natural beauty and be dependent on makeup to look "normal".
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 You fell in love with and married a women who doesn't wear make up.
What's changed, her? Nope, you have, why is that?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): The answer to why your wife doesn't wear makeup should be obvious, it's because she doesn't want to. Perhaps she's so confident in herself that she feels she's beautiful enough the way she is, so it would be a waste of time. If she is, then good for her. Not many women are completely satisfied with the way they look, so I feel you should respect and admire the fact she's different. You don't know how lucky you are to have a woman that doesn't take forever to get ready in the morning, and doesn't complain about how she's "ugly" or compare herself to other women. The sad thing is, most women compare themselves with women who are artificial as can be, and what they don't seem to realize is those other women don't look like that when they first wake up and are probably just as insecure as they are.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 May 2011):
Hi there. When you first met her, did she wear makeup then?
Or, has she never worn makeup?
Perhaps a good starting point would be to ask her what she thinks about wearing makeup.
Maybe, she doesn't know what colours - eyeshadows - suit her complexion. It's possible.
It really depends on how confident a person she is generally.
For instance, when a woman wears makeup, it is a lot more noticeable. She would feel very stand-outish in a crowd.
But it's just a new habit she would be forming, like with anything. It only feels strange at first, but then you get used to it and don't notice anything different anymore.
If she has even a slight interest in wearing makeup, she could begin with a light textured foundation, a little blush (not too bright), and a lipstick that matches her natural lip colour. What that then does, is give her a healthy glow, like she's just gone for a brisk walk.
The difference would be ever so slight, as to be almost undetectable. She would probably even be surprised by the difference.
Then over time, she might like to venture to a mellow coloured eyeshadow to complement it further.
Good luck and best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): You do nothing, her face, her choice.
As for the reason why, you should ask her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): I know as a girl I just get really lazy and don't want to take the time to put on makeup. If I were you I would just mention something she did once that you liked like, "hey, remember when you put on that sexy green mascara? I liked that." If you lat her know that you like it she will most likely do it more. Most girls just want to keep their boys happy.
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A
female
reader, ArtsyGirl +, writes (16 May 2011):
I think this is bad to influence your wife to wear makeup. That's like telling her you don't like how she looks and want her to wear a different, prettier face.
I suggest you let your wife do as she wants and not force her to wear makeup.
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