A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:the relationship between me and my mum is rapidly changing and i dont know what to do. me and my boyfriend of 6 months recently lost our virginities to each other, hes the best thing in the world, treats me like a princess and he and my mum do get along. mums boyfriend doesnt really like him but hes just tryin to be manly i think, my mum knows practically everything about me, shes like my best friend, i told her about my first time and everything, id rather she found of from me etc.. she took it quite well, this was only three weeks ago and since then we have had sex quite a few times, but my mum wont allow me to go on the pill, she says she doesnt want me on the pill, yet she goes on about how disgusting she thinks teenage pregnancies are! she thinks its awful, the amount of teenage pregnancies and is totally against it! why wont she let me go on the pill? yet she obviously doesnt want me to end up pregnant?! is she just trying to stop me having sex? because we do use protection... just why is she been like this with us?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): Over ten years back there was a scare of a link between the pill and brain cancer, but these worries turned out to be false. My mum was on the pill at the time and came off for this reason - maybe your Mum is worried that going on the pill would make you ill. You should ask her why she is so concerned.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): PS: You present as aged 16-17 (overage) and currently living in the UK. You are over the age of consent and you do not need your mothers permission to go on the pill. But I am thinking of your relationship with your mother, and I think it is better for you to show good will. She will respect you involve her in your contraception choices and ask her advice, but you can also educate her by giving her information about why you think it is sensible and advisable to use the pill or the implant as your main form of contraception. The family planning clinic have leaflets that will help you out.
PPS: If she won't go, you need to go anyway. As soon as you start having sex you need to be checked and have a "smear test" to protect against cervical cancer, which is more likely if you start having sex at such a young (but legal) age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): She gets on with your boyfriend, she knows that he treats you well, and she accepts that you and him are having sex, well then she has given you both her blessing.
She is just trying to be extra safe. The pill is good, but Condoms are better. Sometimes young girls forget to take the pill and then they get pregnant. There are side effects to the pill which includes headaches, bloating, sickness, and in my own case, I actually went off sex and my boyfriend. There is also a risk of thrombosis (I think, but I'm not sure) The condom has none of these side effects, and it also protects against sexual diseases. Who knows what might happen, one day (I hope not) your boyfriend may cheat on you. With the condom she knows you are perfectly safe, and she knows that you both have to take responsibility and be careful about contraception.
Your mother is no doctor, she is frightened about the side effects of the pill especially since you are still a teenager. In the UK, doctor's now recommend that teenager's take the implant rather than the pill. It lasts for 3 months and there is no way you can forget it.
You and your boyfriend sound very sensible. How about a compromise. Contact your local family planning clinic and book an appointment for you and your mother. You can both go together and see a nurse and doctor. They can give you both advice, and you can talk about contraception together in a neutral place. You will find that the doctor's probably recommend that you do both, take the implant and use the condom to protect against sexual transmitted diseases. It's better to be safe than sorry, I say. Make an appointment with the clinic and you and your mother go and listen to what the doctors advise you to do.
The NHS in the UK run a 24/7 telephone advice service. http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/index.aspx. You can contact them on 0845 4647 to find the details of your nearest family planning clinic. Don't be afraid, call them, they are there to help. They have special services for teenagers in the UK and are able to provide advice and support.
Don't fight with your mother, find compromises and information to back you up. Then you and her won't have arguments anymore, but you will have useful discussions, because you are now two adults, even though one adult (you) is still very, very young. Take care, Blessings....
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A
female
reader, kody08  +, writes (7 November 2008):
well it is hard to tell why your mother is acting this way, i was having sex at a young age also but was to scared to tell my mother because i did not know how she would react to the whole thing but i knew that at that point in time i did not need a baby so i had a friend take me to the local health department and get it on my own, it is free and confadential, if i were you i would go and get it because accidents happen all of the time and it is better to be safe than sorry. Hope everything goes well
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 November 2008):
 To our despair, if you insist on having intercourse at your age with this boyfriend who will likely be one of many, please at least require a condom.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (6 November 2008):
 Have you asked her why she doesn't want you on the pill? Maybe as the shock wears off she will come to her senses and look at the situation rationally.
She may have her reasons, a woman I once knew who suffered from cervical cancer believed that her years of taking the pill was partially to blame, so was strongly against it. I am not saying that to suggest that the pill will give you cervical cancer, but just to suggest that maybe your mother has strong beliefs on it beyond just not wanting you to be protected.
If she doesn't change her mind you have to remember above all it's your body, so do your research, make an appointment with a trusted doctor and discuss your options.
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A
female
reader, xxhoplesslyhisxx +, writes (6 November 2008):
i dont think you should go against your mother because like you sed you are like best friends. i think your mom is just sad that you are becoming a woman and you are not her little girl anymore. i would advise sitting your mom down and talking to her when the times right until then i think you should put yourslef in your moms possion and see how you would feel and react
hope everything works out
let me know wat happens
good luck =)
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (6 November 2008):
I think she is probably trying to stop you from having sex. But the only real way you will know why she is so against you going on the pill is by asking her.
Im not sure about the UK but in Australia, if you are over 14 you can see a doctor by yourself and they CANNOT tell anyone (not even your mum) about your medical checkups without your permission. So if you are going to continue to have sex with your bf, I suggest you go see a doctor without your mum if she refuses to let you go on the pill. But first find out if you can at your age where you live, I have a feelin you would be able to. But just check.
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