A
female
age
41-50,
*isajayne
writes:My boyfriends mum called me trailer trash and that she thought so hard to get me excepted into his family because s have 2 children already. At one point his mum was ill and she assume's i stopped him seeing but he has not corrected her because he was out getting drunk for 3 days. I would like to know why he won't stand up for me and correct his mum? We have just had a baby and his mother refuses to come here to see him and expects us to go on a 2 hour journey to suit her, i refused to bow down to her commands and voiced my opinion to my partner which ended in him not coming back from work for 2 days. I don't know what to do even though i know he will never put it right and would rather leave than sort things out. Any advice would be great thank you Lisa jayne www
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female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (14 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i agreed to travel 2 hours so his mum could see the baby but i said i didn't want to stay the night, with that he pretended he was borrowing money from his mate whilm out sent me a text saying he is not coming back because of the argument between me and his mum. To me he has chosen his family. Nice of him hey least i know where i stand x
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2011):
 You've just had a 3week old baby, your hormones and emotions are very sensitive at the moment. I wouldn't make any snap decisions like leaving your guy and trying to bring up 3 children up on your own because of a couple of arguments with his mother.
Your a mother now, your feelings are important, but they are not the only things that matter. Providing your children with a stable, happy home is important too.
Don't know about your mother and how supportive she is, but many mothers are rude, insulting to the partners of their children. She wants to be number one in her son's eyes, and you don't own the bank of England (like she wanted for him) so she is pretty put out and disappointed with the girl he brought home.
Dog pooh.. she doesn't like it.. easy, your not allowed to touch such things when your pregnant and breastfeeding, so blame it on her son.
Next issue.. she's angry her son didn't visit when she was sick. Don't hide things like this, blame him for everything. Tell her your son went drinking, tell her how hard it is for you, tell her you can't talk to him and ask for her help with the issue.
Mother's love to criticise... so when she does, just say "sorry, your right" or blame it all on her son. Mother's also like to be important. So ask for her help when she criticises you. If she doesn't think your dishes are clean, then thank her and ask what washing up liquid do you use.
You can't win by arguing with her. You will just look immature, unreasonable, rude and difficult. However, you can win her over, or shut her up, but apologising Bi for whatever, going out of your way to make her feel special and important, Biting your tongue and counting to 10...
Why should you do this.. to make peace.. what about your feelings... keep a diary and wait to get home to shout at your boyfriend. Eventually you'll start laughing with her stupidity and making fun about all the ways she tries to make you angry and upset. Look at it as a challenge.. the more rude she gets, the more polite you become.. she won't be able to stand it for long.
You won't know how she feels, until you kids get to be teenagers and start bringing people home. Her behave is unpleasant but normal, problem is easily solved. Don't take it personally, she probably treats all his ex girlfriends like this. I have a strong feeling however, if you learn to ignore her and continue to be polite, you'll have a friend on your side who will defend your kids with her life.
There is more than just your feelings involved, there is also trying to provide your children with loving grandparents, a happy mum and dad and a stable family home. The arguments really aren't worth it.
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (13 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know what? I am a kind person. I would do anything for anyone, but when you're in a relationship, you expect it back from the person that says I love you. The last few days have been good, real good actually, but only time will tell. Thank you for the advice. x
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 Just break off the relationship and speak to a Lawyer. If your boyfriend wants to see your baby in future, tell him to negotiate a deal with the Lawyer.Hope that helps. You sound like a kind person. You don't have to put up with this crap.If you have any more questions, you can send me a private email.
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (12 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk i said to my other half that we all will travel the 2 hour journey but you have to promise me that none of the argument will be brought up and if his mum was to say anythinp bad the you have to stand up for me. He promised and left it at that then 5 mins later he thanked me for going. I hope he realises that its for him I'm doing it. X
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (11 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has gone to work tonight so i text him sayinp it has really hurt me what his mum said and that he won't stand up for me, i said i was tired and drained from everything and can't handle it anymore as i don't need the added stress as our baby is only 3 weeks old. He text back saying he wants the whole situation to go away and that he feels like disappearing. I said if you want me to consider your feeling you have to consider my and that i want this to work so we have to work together. Hopefully we will have a talk. Thank you for your comments ill keep you up dated. X x
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A
female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well if things don't work out.. it would probably be a relief to you to not have to deal with his mother anymore. A diary is a great idea-- writing to me is very therapeutic. I always feel better once I write it all down and then I read it to myself. All you can do is give it your best shot; if it doesn't work out after that..you know you are not the one to blame.
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (10 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've started a diary, so I can get my feelings out because I cannot talk to him however much I play the victim. He jumped down my throat when I asked who he was sending a picture message to of the baby. He said "my sister why?" with an attitude. I'm not happy at all, only he can make it right. If he does not then I'm guessing it will be the end for us. X x
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (10 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have had problems while I was pregnant. Then his mum came to stay towards my due date to help out, but she didn't really help, just made comments about the dog and the pooh in the garden. I didn't let on that I smoke because my other half asked me not to. He smokes too but she doesn't know and other stuff about my cooking so I voiced my opinion to my partner. He didn't like it, so we had an argument. With that, I asked him to leave and his mother and I went to my mums for a couple of days. Now forget my feelings it's all about hers and his. She texted him saying she will see the baby when he has his own place, the day after I gave birth. What bothers me the most is that he won't tell her to back off. X
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (10 February 2011):
Its a hard thing to deal with. When you are with someone you automatically get the parents. It's sad that you think he may leave you and the kids and choose his mother. Try to approach the sunbject in a different way. Instead of telling him how mad it makes you when his mom is like that, play the victim! Say.. It really hurts me when your mom talks to me like that..all I want is for her to like me. Play the game :) Make her look like the monster shes acting like. What started all these problems in the first place?
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (10 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for the advise my only wish is for him to understand how i feel about the situation. I'm so confused right now. Thank you once again Lisa x
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A
female
reader, Lisajayne +, writes (10 February 2011):
Lisajayne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't mention how i feel to him because it causes an argument and it always turns around on to how him and his mum feel. He has refused point blank to correct her so it makes me wonder if i was to travel with 3 children and she was insulting again would he let me leave with 3 children on my own or stand up for me. I'm tired and drained from it all, i ask myself is it worth carrying on the relationship. X
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 He's too much under the influence of his mother, or he is not the best of guys, or both. Apparently, both.
This is a bad relationship. If he won't act, obviously you have. I don't really know what the best course of action would be, but you need to act. If you wait for them, I'm afraid that your best interests will not be taken in much consideration.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
Lisa,
His mother is an important part of his life but that doesn't give her the right to insult you; and he should definitely defend you. I would be hurt by this too. You need to tell him how you feel.Also..it's not your job to always bring the baby to her and not matter what happens just make sure the baby doesn't get punished for other peoples feelings. I would also sit down with his mother and ask her why she feels that way about you.
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