A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Split with an ex over a year ago, I found out she was seeing someone else. We all work in the same offices. I walk away wish her well and to my knowledge cause her no trouble.Throughout the year she has been very hot and cold with me without any real explanation. Too many things to mention. I get the impression the other thing may be over, but nothing definite. He is everything I’m not, he’s not liked, and he’s fat over weight miserable, though he is a boss. I’m popular, friendly, liked, keep myself fit, and not bad looking.Anyway as much as I have feelings for her, I viewed it like this, she moved on let me down, but her choice, it hurt but I’m a big boy so get on with it. Friends, well maybe one day, thought we would be by now.Latest events are this, I found myself on a course with her the other day, when I came in the room with the girl I work with she was very uncomfortable very clear why? I chat closely with the girl I work with; she gives her dirty hard looks why? I go to the toilet, which out the room is the one person who follows me out, engineering it so we pass in the corridor (it was obvious) why?? I say hi, she says hi I say you ok she replies yeah. But it was clearly difficult, but I can’t understand why?? The main difference in my behaviour is I no longer try and ask her what’s wrong, but I get the distinct impression that’s what she wants me to say.Can anyone please explain to me why she can’t just be normal with me and what is going on in her head? What does she want from me? And how should I deal with this??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): If you still have feelings for her, tell her and now. She obviously still feels for you. Get in contact with her outside of work, get together and talk to her. She may be waiting for you to make the first move. ok?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): hi
i think you are spending too much of your valuable time concerned about this person. she made her choice, now has to live with the consequences. if she chose wrongly, then she only has herself to blame.
as you for, get on with your life. yes, it hurt for a while but it's over. you have moved on and spending time questioning her sudden behaviour is very noble of you but she is not worth it. simple maths - she is now out of mind as well. Hard but a reality. SO MR "I’m popular, friendly, liked, keep myself fit, and not bad looking." you have everything going for you, do not spoit it by pondering the what if's and maybe's . You may have proven, yet again, the grass is not always greener on the other side. You lucky devil.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2009): Work relationships are hard. Especially when you see your ex with another guy everyday. I can think of 2 possibilities:
1. She knows you're not 'over' her, so she doesn't feel comfortable around you.
2. She wants you to be bold and ask her how her relationship with the other guy is going? (don't let it turn into counselling sessions, that's asking too much)
Since he's opposite of you, I'm thinking she likes traits in each of you. I guess it would really be bold to say, what do you see in him, that you don't see in me?
What it comes down to is she needs to Want to be with you because you are You. One thing is, you will keep asking yourself questions until you get a straight answer from her, so stop punishing yourself, and ask her. or email her, even if it's for closure.
Not sure how you feel about this, but I would consider a job transfer. If I still had feelings for an ex, I couldn't work at the same place. take care.
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A
female
reader, Natalie90 +, writes (24 March 2009):
 i may be wrong but it seems to me as she may have realsied that she made a mistake but doesnt know how to make it right. mabey you should ask her for a drink and talk. its your decision if you want her back or not but she may need somewhere where it is just you two and not in a work environment as she seems to be uncomfortable. please let me know if this is helpful
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A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (24 March 2009):
She is playing the two of you against each other to keep all options on the table.
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