A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please tell me why my boyfriend of 7 month would not tell his family that he is going with me. He hasnt nothing to be ashamed of about me. I just dont understand him. My friends and family know about him and have met him. We even live in a small village and live close to each other.The other night in a local pub my mam's friend overheard a conversation he had with someone in the pub. This man asked where he was going and he said he was 'off to meet his mates'. My mams friend knew he was meeting me that night. The man he was talking to is a friend of his parents. Why would he say that?When I told him about it he said 'who told you that, dont give me that crap'. I just dont get him at all. This is really starting to get me and I feel quite hurt about it. Both our mams work in the same place and his mam has never mentioned anything. He is older than me but only by 6 year. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is usually in a pubs or for a meal when we are out but we do talk. Well I talk but he doesnt give me the answers im looking for, or avoids them. I have told him im going on holiday in 5 weeks. He just said 'oh i hope it rains when you are there'. He is quite controlling!
I will have to talk to him about this as 2 nights a week is rubbish!!!
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 A couple of days a week is NOT how a man in love, commited to developing the relationship to becoming something more, behaves.
You will not get what you need and want by sitting passively, waiting for him to recognise your innermost need for more of a relationship.
When you do see him, are there genuine
opportunities to really talk or are you surrounded by noisy people. If the latter then you need to suggest and find some other places to spend time together.
He may be in a rut. And he may be satisfied with the status quo. Not making any long term plans.
Shake things up a little. Suggest something different for your next date. Go visit somewhere interesting together.
Change you hair color and watch his reaction.
Or better still book a holiday for a week and forgot to tell him until the very last minute. Then ring him to let him know you just off on a weeks holiday.
Assess his reaction for either relief or sadness.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Eh, i think there are a lot of valid suggestions.
I would simply talk to him about it. Ask him why it is that he hasn't introduced you to his family yet.
Some guys (i am one of them) are just not comfortable with talking to their families about a relationship until they are SURE this is a relationship that could go somewhere, ya know?
Admittedly 6 months is a bit on the long side, but i know that with girls i've dated, i will not tell my family about them before 3 or 4 have gone by.
It's just the way my family is. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about relationships. I came from an emotionally detached family.
I would ask him about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood answers i think about most of them what you said Abella. No he is defo not married he lives with his gran. No he doesnt have anyone else. Apart from going to an old ladies house every night which he never misses. I have never seen him on a Sunday night. I dont see much of him anyway apart from one night through the week and a Saturday or Friday.
He has just told me I am the best thing that has happened to him in ages. I really like this a guy a lot, but I do hold and not show my true feelings to him as I am so hurt that he doesnt tell anyone about me.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 All the reasons Abella quotes are valid, but I'd vote for 8 and 9.
Maybe you two see your relationship differently. For you he is a serious boyfriend, for him, from the way he acts, you may be a nice , fun girl whom he is temporary dating - a pleasant ,but transitional relationship , so no need to be that formal for something that he does not know if it will last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2011): i went through the same thing with my ex, he wouldnt tell his family about me, he use to always came over to my house and met my mother, father and brother but when ever i mentioned me meeting his family he would just say i want to make sure we are serious first. i later found out that he was cheating on me and that he had been a realtionship with someone else when he met me and she use to go down his house and so on, that why i was never mentioned to people.
im not saying this is happening to you but i understand how you feel, when i was going through it i kept questioning whats wrong with me, is he ashamed of me ? i suggest you confront him about it and tell him it isnt fair and how you feel, ask if hes finding anything.
i know what happpened to me isnt happening to you but please be careful,
good luck
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (13 May 2011):
Six years is a bit of a difference at your age. Is there another partner hidden away from you? How often do you visit or stay at his home? Can you phone him at any time? Does he take you out somewhere on a Sunday night? Why do i say Sunday night? Because if a guy has a primary relationship, away from you, then the one night he cannot easily get out to see the girl friend is Sunday night.
His mother and your mother should be on the same page, both knowing about the relationship. There is absolutely no reason to hide a girldfriend unless:
1. He already has a partner anyway
2. his family have an expectation that he has an 'understanding' that he will end up with that said partner.
3. He does not entirely feel committed to you
4. His family know more than you do about his dalliances, as there may be more than one.
5. He cannot stand up to his family - never go for a weak guy like this. Such relationships end in tears.
6. His family are snobs and think they are superior to others
7. He is already married but separated from that partner but not divorced. Red flashing flag to ditch him.
8. He sees you are a fun partner but not as a serious relationship
9. He led you on and is happy to keep you around but has not real commitment to you, but is happy to allow you to think there is a commitment
10. There is something at home that he does not want to deal with and tell you about.
You need answers and I suggest you invite him to your home for a meal and towards the end of the meal say to him. the next meal can be at your place. if he is not genuine he will squirm and try to get out of it. Or agree to it too readily and then renege on his offer the day or so after he said he would.
If he does that then that is a sign that he's not on the level with you.
Or he could just be a 'taker' and be mean and selfish underneath - happy to use you and enjoy your home and your hospitality with no intention of returning the favor.
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