A
female
age
51-59,
bootydoctors
writes:Lila here~.The truth is, most women genuinely cannot separate sex from love. Even in our post feminist, equal opportunity culture, women are still hard-wired to expect love and sex to be combined. Heck, I was talking to a stripper about booty calls last week and she started asking me if I thought the guy was interested in her. If women who have pretend sex for a living can separate sex from love, there's not much hope for the rest of the species.Turns out, there are some good and some ancient reasons for this confusion. From a survival of the species standpoint, for thousands of years women have needed the men who impregnate them to stick around for a few years to help raise the children, or at least provide food and protection. To this day, the natural lifespan of a monogamous relationship (without the intervention of law or religion) is between three to seven years. That's about long enough to get the children weaned and off to school.From a cultural standpoint, there has long been a double standard when it comes to male and female sexuality. Men who sleep around are studs, but women who sleep around are sluts. Girls have been raised to believe that being a slut is a bad thing. This belief is problematic on two fronts. First, it creates a limiting sexual experience for women. It makes us less adventurous and more inhibited; lest we be labeled a slut. Second, everyone knows that most men want their women to be adventurous in the bedroom; the old virgin/whore dilemma rears its head again.In other words, women have been getting mixed messages about their sexuality for decades now. It's no wonder we have a hard time separating sex from love! So guys, just know that when you have sex with a woman, it will most likely mean more to her than it does to you, at least in the beginning. Even if she denies it.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Ok, I can agree, "heather108", that the "commitment" can be only temporary and agreed upon going in, but it is still, or should be, a commitment during the relationship unless understood otherwise. Just my opinion. Temporary sexual relationships are fine and I've had a few, so I cannot criticize that. But at least I remained committed to the relationship as agreed in the meantime.
A
female
reader, heather108 +, writes (23 January 2010):
 DoubleM you say, "Any man who resists more commitment is unworthy of pleasures from the woman." That may be if she is looking for a marriage partner but that would not be universally true.In June of last year I waved goodby to my boyfriend after almost 17 months of being together in an intimate relationship. Although he did politely ask me to drop out of school and go to Florida with him, we both knew and understood the party was going to end when he finished his masters and found a job. We both went in knowing it would end, but that in no way made our time together less important or the sex less fun. I now have a new bf and he also understands that I'm not yet looking for Mr Right. ps- This new guy friend is not as good socially but in the sack, he should be a master instructor... ;~)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (23 January 2010):
You have always seemed to have good insight "oldersister" and are correct that young women contribute to the response they have from men. I think that's what you mean. In other words, as long as women will cater to the men, then the men will take them for granted. Love and sex will not unite.
There is nothing wrong about sharing sexual pleasures, but if women want more than that, then the relationship obviously must demand much more from the man. Any man who resists more commitment is unworthy of pleasures from the woman.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 The question is about 'separation of sex from love' and not about male or female that do the work of separation. Let me define the meaning of such separation. Say, sex without love means sex has other thing than love. And, that other thing has higher values than love. To have sex for money, means money is more important than love [ or can we say liking?] One like money, and not bother for 'liking' This is separation of love from sex. The pattern can be the same, one use sex for long terms relationship, and think such long term relationship is great as it give security, stability, and protection etc. This is also the form of separation of love from sex. And there are lot of married couple come out with problem that they are losing their interest in sex.
Do love has separate existence? Do love has inherent war with sex? Do love and pleasure are separate? Or true love have no essential relationship with pleasure?
So, our true problem is related with true understanding about sex. The religious understanding about sex is that sex should and must be used for procreative purpose only.Which means sex in marriage relations. Which means relations precede sex, and no vice verse. If one accept this religious meaning of sex, then there is no space for love or liking or even pleasure in sex. Then male must be stud and female have this blame 'slut', because she seek pleasure or liking in sex. Such is the old vision or meaning of sex.
The true vision about sex is that it is inherent unity. Sex and love is not separable, but when human purpose attache with use, then natural meaning is the first thing out from our experience.
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A
female
reader, heather108 +, writes (21 January 2010):
I may be one of your exceptions.
I'm 23 and still have almost two more years of education to go. I'm not even looking for Mr. Wonderful yet but I do like the social benefits of having a regular guy friend including a very active sexual relationship.
Sex is an activity that two people get together and do for fun, much like playing tennis on Saturday mornings.
On the other hand, love is a feeling that must develop over a much longer period of time as you get to know a person well, develop a trusting and intimate relationship along the way, with sex definitely being an important facet of the relationship.
Also, I do have some standards, like I do not do one-nighters and never have, and to get rid of the players, I would never have sex until the passing of at least four dates, and I only have this special relationship with one guy at a time, even though I may have invented the practice of friends-with-benefits back in the summer of 2001, just after my 14th birthday... ;~)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (21 January 2010):
You are quite right, in fact, perhaps MOST men have no such feeling about love and sex being necessary ingredients in the recipe of mutual happiness. But some men do, and you can find him. In my case, my age eliminates most possibilities, but your sentiment is greatly appreciated. lol
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A
female
reader, bootydoctors +, writes (20 January 2010):
bootydoctors is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, DoubleM, not all men would agree with you, just like not all women would agree with the Booty Doctors. I guess in some ways we can make these generalizations, and in some ways there's always an exception to the rule. But I bet the ladies like that about ya!
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A
female
reader, bootydoctors +, writes (20 January 2010):
bootydoctors is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, old-spinstah!
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A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (20 January 2010):
Well said, bootydoctors. Especially that last paragraph...
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 January 2010):
To your possible surprise, a positive answer from a man. Of course you are right, love and sex are meant to be synonymous. Each is part of the whole, and the same. One without the other is incomplete. You just need a better man.
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