A
female
age
41-50,
*uartzKitty
writes:I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. Accepting these facts, and that I was responsible and used birth control, can someone give me a good reason why this was 'wrong'?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Like it or not, human emotional reactions justify many widely held viewpoints. Killing an animal for food is accepted but killing a human for food is murder. What's the difference? Only that we as humans have an emotionally based attachment to ourselves and our own species. If you believe that humans should have free will to do anything they please, regardless of the consequences to others, and that morality has no logical basis, then you are being consistent in your views. If not, you contradict yourself. No doubt you will argue that you consented and therefore the encounters were not the same as someone else forcing their choices on you. The issue then returns to whether or not any 13-year-old is capable of informed consent, and I think you flatter yourself if you really believe that you were. Your argument that "women" in past centuries were having sex and raising families at 13 holds little water in a modern context. Those Greek GIRLS did indeed marry at 13 or 14, but they were also raised in a culture/environment at which they were trained, groomed, and expected to be mistresses of a household at that age. I guarantee that you, at 13, were not making decisions for a household, financial or otherwise. Nor were you raised in a way that prepared you for such. 13 isn't even old enough to have a driver's license or a credit card in most if not all countries, and no amount of pseudointellectual debate with banks or the DMV would have convinced them to issue you one.And consider while you're at it that very few accounts exist, from the women's perspective, of how successful the Greek arrangement was. Certainly society as a whole has evolved away from it, despite the fact that older men often prefer younger women. If this preference has not changed and yet actual practices have, other factors must also be playing a role. History doesn't tell us how happy those girls were with their lives, but 99 times out of 100 they weren't arranging their own marriages. Their parents were, usually for political or financial advantage. They didn't get a choice in the matter. You chose to sleep around at 13 and frankly that is a separate issue. Likening your situation to theirs is ignorant and naive on your part...like it or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): No for females the average statistic taken in the Uk is 18 and for men it's about 22
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (17 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTalking Helps, the biological aspect IS a valid one.However, saying a woman isn't ready until they are 18 doesn't work. Technically, puberty ends around 15-16 for females (although men DO reach biological adulthood at around 18), so physically and biologically they ARE ready to bare children, and have sex, at 16 (emotionally is another story, however) (I know biology too). Furthermore, historically sexual activity and reproduction began at a younger age than today, due to the shorter lifespans humans possessed. The ancient Greeks married at 13 or 14, for example.Now, with that in mind, sex at too young an age CAN have negative health benefits, like an increased risk of certain cancers, so that IS a valid objection.As for 'old man' they were all in their 20's. That's not exactly old. In fact, my first partner was younger than I am now. I've always been attracted to men who were around 10-15 years older than me. (I prefer women closer to my age though.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Fine , a biological reason, (And just for reference, do not write back saying that i don't know anything about biology and the anatomy, because i do.) Anyways, The female anatomy is not ready to have sex in 88% of cases until they are about 18 , though everyone does anyway.Also it seems weird that an old man would want to have sex with someone who isn't physically mature, is a hard concept to grasp, and it is sickening.
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (17 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYos, again, there has been nothing in any of my responses that has been 'defensive'. I have merely spelled out my reasons for my initial post, i.e. to find a logical argument.
Any 'defensiveness' is simply in your mind. You want to see it, so you do.
"You accept that people universally judge your actions as wrong. But this you don't appear to be willing to reconcile with your own views."
Nothing is universal. I have encountered plenty of who take no issue with my 'actions'.
Yos, you are not the center of the universe. What you believe about something is not what everyone believes. Understanding that is the first sign of maturity.
The majority believing something doesn't make it true, either. Another important thing to learn.
Your definition of 'reconcile' appears to mean 'accept you are right and I am wrong'.
Sorry.
Once again, you are not the center of the universe, and it does not work that way. In order to accept someone else's viewpoint, they have to show me that their views are valid over my own. No one has done so. No one has offered up a rational, logical argument against me. No one so far has. They've all relied on emotional reasons, and 'feelings' about an issue are not a good reason to accept or condemn it. If the legal system worked on 'feelings', we'd see a lot more innocent people in prison than we already do, and 99% of human behavior would be illegal.
Spare me you armchair psychological bullshit. You are not very good at it. I've worked alongside REAL psychologists and trained counselors in the course of dealing with suicide, so I know how they work. And your laughable attempt to analyze me does not work.
Furthermore, as stated before, I have no intention of changing anyone's minds, or winning anyone over. I was just looking to see if anyone could supply a NON-emotional reason to condemn my actions. No one has. Yet. Some have come close, and some may, eventually.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): How about "wrong because you enticed older men into inappropriate sexual encounters?"
Supposing you miraculously WERE mature enough for that sort of thing, you're only considering yourself. By crossing an established "taboo" line with those older men you gave them the idea that sex with a 13-year-old, or at least certain 13-year-olds, is somehow acceptable. Do you have any way of knowing for sure that none of these apparently numerous men went on to seek out or proposition other, perhaps less "mature" 13-year-old girls in order to try and repeat/relive their experiences with you? Unless you had some way of watching each and every one of them for the remainder of their sexual histories, I sincerely doubt that you do. It's possible that others NOT interested in the sexual advances of older pedophiles were subject to them anyway, courtesy of you.
As so many have pointed out, the fact that you can't handle the disapproval you are receiving here indicates that on some level you are still not okay with what you did. If the opinion of the rest of the world on this subject truly meant nothing to you, you would have no need to look for validation of your actions because ease with them yourself would be sufficient.
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male
reader, romance888 +, writes (17 May 2009):
I think you are looking for answers, but I am not sure you know what you are looking for, although at a surface level you have some idea. Thre is something going on deep in your heart and you dont understand it all and are hoping to find answers by asking questions.
what is the real issue behind the surface issues of being 13 and having sex and now being 27. The deeper issues have not been touched yet.......
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 May 2009):
 I don't think you'll manage to convince anyone here you were emotionally and physically mature enough for that behaviour. The reason being that we collectively believe instinctively that that behaviour is wrong, and hence not a sign of maturity.
Or put another way: "It was fine because I was mature" is held up against "you can't have been mature because it's inappropriate behaviour". I'd call that a logjam.
You accept that people universally judge your actions as wrong. But this you don't appear to be willing to reconcile with your own views. As a result the feeling I'm left with is that you're not emotionally mature about this issue now, in the present day, let alone when it happened.
Is this discussion anything more than you practising your defensive arguments?
I guess you have spent over a decade rationalising this and have built up a coherent and thorough set of arguments for why it was ok. And have come up with counter-arguments for all the common criticisms. That doesn't make it right however, and the harder you argue and the more you rationalise the less convincing you sound.
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (16 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Agreed with rcn. Supposing you were actually the one-in-a-million exception to the rule still doesn't obligate law or society to condone adults having sex with a child. I think deep down you know this, and are not quite as at ease with what you did as you present. What would motivate you, otherwise, to ask a bunch of complete strangers on an internet website to give you their two cents--and what would motivate your defensive responses when many posters failed to agree with your actions?"
There has been nothing defensive about any of my answers. You are simply reading what you want into them.
Spare me your armchair psychology as well. I have clearly stated my motivation repeatedly. To understand other people's points of view on this issue. I realize that in this day and age, trying to understand the viewpoints and belief systems of other people is a novel concept, but I realize that I am not the center of the universe, and that other people may have legitimate opinions on various issues that I had not considered.
"But I can also say with certainty that, while mentally I would have been on a par with many adult men as a 13-year-old, I would not have been EMOTIONALLY ready to have intercourse with, or carry on a relationship with, an adult at that age."
I must stress, you are not me. Experiences are not universal. What applies to one, does not apply to all.
I WAS mature enough emotionally.
I understood then, as I do now, that as smart as I may be, I did not, do not, know everything. Something most adults could learn, I should add.
I never suffered from body-image problems. I was happy with who I was, physically and otherwise (I should add that my sexual experiences helped me a LOT in that area).
I thought the entire middle/high school popularity thing, cliques and all, were stupid, and never cared about being popular.
I thought spending 100.00 on a pair of shoes was idiotic, and never desired that stuff.
I don't get envious of other people, and while I do suffer some jealousy from time to time, it's nothing I cannot deal with.
Emotional maturity is being happy with yourself, recognizing what your emotions are, and most importantly, being aware of your flaws. I've been acutely aware of those things since I was 10.
So yeah, I was emotionally mature. I never thought I was 'in love' with any of the guys I was with. It was just sex, purely physical. Yeah, there was a strong emotional bond, and I cared deeply for all of them, but I never mistook attraction and concern for love. I've been in love with people, yeah, but it did not blind me to their flaws.
Honestly, most ADULTS sre immature emotionally. I've seen women fall for the worse men, and put up with any crap, all in the name of 'love'.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): you werent wrong i like you prefer older men in fact as i can see eye to eye with them and iam going to say i am very mature and i do NOT get on with anyone under 25-honest truth-for ever since i can remember which is many years.i find other kids immature and dumb such as asking can i get pregnant from oral? but i know this is not all kids and yes i am proud of the fact i am different.at 2 i could make a puzzle for 8yr olds and by 8 i knew all about the tudors and by 14 i knew and did everything to do sexually and no nasty comments as we are all different and what you did you may regret but hell yeah i do not but but unfortunately the law goes by majority as rcn said but this does not mean i will stop doing what i do. take care x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Agreed with rcn. Supposing you were actually the one-in-a-million exception to the rule still doesn't obligate law or society to condone adults having sex with a child. I think deep down you know this, and are not quite as at ease with what you did as you present. What would motivate you, otherwise, to ask a bunch of complete strangers on an internet website to give you their two cents--and what would motivate your defensive responses when many posters failed to agree with your actions?Like you, I was extremely precocious intellectually when I was a child. To give you an example, I've been reading and understanding books at the adult level since age five. By age 11 I was already having existential crises--although I didn't then recognize them as such--over the religion my parents had tried to raise me with. I found myself simply incapable of suspending enough disbelief to maintain my faith. Was I incredibly mature for my age at 13? Yes. Did I relate to adults better than my peers? Absolutely. I STILL find myself more able to relate to older generations. But I can also say with certainty that, while mentally I would have been on a par with many adult men as a 13-year-old, I would not have been EMOTIONALLY ready to have intercourse with, or carry on a relationship with, an adult at that age. I also don't think that most men who would be willing to have sex with a 13-year-old, no matter how mature she might be, are partners conducive to an emotionally healthy relationship. To summarize, I don't think anyone here is doubting your intellect. Gifted children can have incredible mental capacity. Emotional maturity, however, is something that only accumulates with time and life experience, something most 13-year-olds can't truly claim they possess. The authority to consent to sex is not really determined by a person's IQ, and nor should it be, as intelligence is only one facet of a person's readiness to share something so momentous with another.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Age of consent is in place for a reason. Just because you feel you could consent at 13, doesn't mean the law has to bend on each individual circumstance. If I can drive better than you after 3 beers, should the law change because of personal capabilities?
I personally don't live within the guys doing everyone who moves. It's not who I am, not what I believe in, so I choose not to take part. I admit, society is not always right, but true morality is. How you see yourself, how you see your actions and personal character are real qualities everyone possesses. When I was younger I admit I was sexually charged. A couple of my partners, I know got around a bit. From my view, they were good for the sex, but if they wanted anything further, I'd kindly decline the offer. In the past I've been damaged by infidelity. In my view, if a girl gets around, she wouldn't be able to avoid temptation and sustain a committed relationship.
As a psychologist told me, "behavior exists only to externally show people who you really are." If someone gets around, no matter how good they were in the sack, I wouldn't be able to see a future with that person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): It's a shame because in my old skooel when i was about fourteen there were like three girls heavily into physics books and philosophy! So it's not that strange, i'm sure there'd have been boys closer to your age
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (14 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionilovecookies, as to enjoying my childhood, well other kids bored me. They really did.
I was never interested in dolls or 'playing house' or any of that other stuff when I was a kid.
When I was a teenager, while my classmates were hanging out at the mall and squeeling over some pretty boy vapid heart throb, or trying to get the attention of some douchebag jock, I was reading philosophy books, gazing at the night sky though my telescope, listening to Mozart (I still love rock music, though), learning to play the guitar, reading theoretical physics books, and so. No one my age shared my interests. I couldn't have a substantive conversation about religion, or philosophy, or science, or history with my classmates.
Yos, you make valid points, but they don't apply to me. First, I don't intend to have kids, and have taken every precaution short of a tubal ligation (too much of a chance of complications) to keep from getting pregnant.
As to 'promiscuity', well, first off, such a word should not exist. The entire concept was invented to attempt to shame people from enjoying sex, to turn perfectly healthy. natural sexual urges into something dirty. I do not much validity into the idea of promiscuity, especially in light of societies double standard (men can fuck anything that moves and it's fine, but a woman DARES to have sexual urges, or enjoy sex, and she's a slut). I've not had that many sexual partners anyway. The number of men I've been with is in the single digits, and when you factor in my female partners (I like both), you barely reach into the double digits. And I'm 27 now.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (14 May 2009):
You're asking for a philosophical rationale for why your behaviour is universally morally condemned. That's a complex question!
It comes down to ones particular interpretation of ethics, but I'll try to explain why I believe this is the case.
Morality is usually misunderstood. The mainstream view is that there are 'moral imperatives' that we are obliged to follow. These moral imperatives usually stem from either a religious basis, or on some vague notion of 'shared humanity' (for atheists). Either way, we end up with a set of rules that are just 'out there' that we are obliged to follow, that in the end reduce to a set of moral imperatives that should be self-evident and don't need justification in and of themselves. This is a circular argument, and hence junk. We're being told we have to believe something because that thing has the special characteristic of 'having to be believed'. The word for that is 'faith'. Meaning it doesn't need justification: just suck it up.
If you think about that for a while you end up with the conclusion that there is no real morality, since there is no justification for it (unless you believe in God, which makes the whole thing very easy). Yet clearly we do have morality (well most of us believe we do), and make judgements based on it. So saying 'its all nonsense' doesn't cut it.
I look at it another way.
Morality exists as a set of rational explanations for certain feelings we all share about what is and isn't appropriate human behaviour. Humans (with a few exceptions) generally tend to feel the same way about certain actions. Such as 'its wrong to kill except in extreme circumstances'. That's why most atheists will agree to the 10 commandments, in principle, even though they don't think we need God to justify them. They intuitively feel right.
In other words, morality is just us trying to rationally explain a shared set of feelings we all have.
So to answer your question: why is your past behaviour universally condemned. Not because it's morally wrong in and of itself, but because most people have strong (and similar) feelings that it's wrong. 'Morality' is just their way of trying to put words to those feelings. But whatever those words are doesn't really matter that much, the important thing is that people do 'feel' it's wrong, and to answer the question 'why do they feel its wrong'?
So, why does everyone 'feel' its wrong?
To answer this I believe we need to look at genetics. Our deep-seated shared emotional responses to things are based on our DNA, not our social norms. Social norms are the current set of rules around how we deal with our genetic impulses, but it's our nature that is the source of these deep intuitions. Our 'race memory' if you like, coded in our genes.
By looking at genetics we can see why your behaviour, and promiscuity in general, are frowned upon.
From a male perspective, you represent a bad genetic investment. Since men can never who the father of a child really is, the higher the number of sexual partners a woman has, the higher the probability that the child she says is yours is actually not. They become a 'risk'. Why invest resources in a woman and child that may not be yours? Better to find a 'reliable' (translate: chaste) woman that you can be confident is mothering your child and not another mans.
Of course it's still a good genetic strategy to have sex with her (since it's easy to do), but beyond that there's little point in investing over the long run. Which explains men's penchant for random sexual encounters as long as they can get away with it and not end up with any commitments.
So men in general instinctively categorise promiscuous women as good to have sex with, but not girlfriend / wife material. This is done via a set of pre-programmed emotional reactions we have, which we then try to justify and explain via morality. Witness the Christian obsession with virgins and whores, and 'fallen' women. And our cultures current contradictory obsessions of sexualising children in the media whilst simultaneously telling them that sex is wrong.
From the female perspective, things are very different. Women generally have two paths available to them.
The first is to keep their legs (mostly) shut and find a reliable man to father her children and help support her as she brings them up. This is the traditional view of how we are 'supposed' to behave and is all very nice but not always practical or possible. It relies on a woman having a strong sense of self-worth, and there being suitable husband-material around. And it relies on the woman having and maintaining 'a good reputation'.
The second path is that of promiscuity. By sleeping with many different men, it's possible to combine the attention and support of many. Yes you don't get the strong support of a single individual, but you get instead a lot less, but from a lot more. Since each man 'might' be the father of your child, there's a part of him that want's to cover his bases. Late night booty-calls and FWB relationships do occasionally translate into moments of emotional and physical support.
This makes promiscuity a very viable genetic strategy for women, in certain circumstances. Those circumstances are usually a lack of suitable men, and a low sense of self worth. ie, "I'm not going to find a man who will love me and care for me". If a woman doesn't believe she is attractive enough and 'worth it' then promiscuity seems like a much better option than waiting for the guy that will never come.
This is however a less desirable outcome than a reliable monogamous partner, since care and support are less reliable and it comes with higher risks to security. For example, the great majority of domestic child abuse comes from step-fathers (quite naturally, since those children don't carry any of his DNA and hence are not a good investment of his resources).
This is why promiscuity is generally linked to low self-esteem. And why any 'pick up guide' for men will say the same thing: find the most insecure girl in the room and give her some attention, and she'll be easy to get into bed. Which is true. It's also another reason why men tend to have opportunistic sex but avoid relationships with promiscuous women: that promiscuity is frequently (but not always) a signpost of insecurity and low self-esteeme, which in turn can signify psychological problems.
My personal experience of this is that of my 5 female friends that were self confessed 'highly promiscuous' at some point in their life, 3 of them have told me they were raped whilst young, and the other two had emotionally abusive fathers. I know that there are of course exceptions, but as the 'random sample' my experience has provided me, it's been pretty consistent so far.
Either way, it's complicated. Both committed monogamy and promiscuity are viable genetic strategies. However we adopt one or the other based on specific circumstances. As a result, we have conflicting emotions about this, and our feelings can run one way or the other depending on the situation. However, given the overall better darwinistic performance of monogamy ('fitter' children in the widest sense), we prefer that route overall. And as a result share a common feeling that promiscuity is 'wrong'. And then create a moral code to try to explain it.
Hope that makes some sense, and helps.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 May 2009):
I'd agree not all have "mental" consequences. In your defense as well, I've noticed more females being attracted to older men, due to their maturity level over teens of the same age. It's not secret that girls mature faster than boys, so they are often attracted to maturity over lack of. But with that comes consequences. All though they mature faster, their development to handle adult emotions is still lacking for younger girls who seek out "relationships" with older men.
On the other side where it is damaging depends on the circumstance and the "true" reasons behind the act. Such as, seeking attention. Being disconnected or did not have proper bonding and compassion by parents when growing up, this can cause the sexual experience to a a supplement for what the teen lacked prior to having sex. Also, asking if there was prior abuse. Does the teen have a strong sense of self, or a damaged self esteem. So although there can be non damaging reasons, there can equally be extremely damaging reasons.
When looking at how precious self esteems are, I think about a teen female who I'm volunteering to work with to overcome the past and rebuild the strength in herself. Hers was caused by adult to teen sexual abuse. Those who take what they want, I don't believe really grasp the hell their bringing the innocent person into. This is the most difficult case I've worked with. It's as bad as if you were to take a knife and shred her self esteem. As far as the severity, her age and the fact her virginity was taken are factors. So although some teens may feel as if their mature to have sex, their emotional maturity is still growing and not prepared to be confronted with many of the issues teens face today.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): although the OP indicates that she has not been affected by her sexual conquests starting at an early age, i see a deeply troubled individual. she hides it well.
let's just end this "debate" it is not very constructive. no amount of valid points will change the posters views so perhaps we all drop this. each to his/her own.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): No 13 year old I have ever met has struck me as emotionally mature enough to consent and fully understand what they are consenting to. You would have to be a pretty extraordinary individual to have the mental maturity of a 20 year old say, at 13. You might be physically prepared, but at 13, you are still very much putty in someone else hands. You might have consented, but I do not doubt that you were coerced in some sense. In ways you might not even understand now.
What about bestiality? The animal is obviously physically aroused, but can you honestly say that the dog understands what it is doing? It's just a dog. You were just a child.
You come across as very articulate and bright, but I think you are hiding behind your intellect here. If you have a question about yourself, about why you did this/this was done to you, I think you would really benefit from therapy. You don't lose any sexual power by admitting that the decision wasn't exactly yours.
I also appreciate the maturity and stability of older men. Intellectually and emotionally, I find they have more to offer. But not at 13. And not sexually. You know, perhaps it was ok by you. But then, why ask?
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (13 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionilovecookies, I thank you. It was not my intention to become aggressive. I can sound that way at times, but understand that I do not intend such.
So far, you have illustrated the singular legitimate objection, morally, that I have heard thus far.
I certainly will agree that moral issues enter into the situation if dealing with coercion, or force, or where their an abuse of authority occurring, and those are certainly situations which are and should be illegal, and actionable in court.
Furthermore, I do agree with you when it comes to the issues of most 13 year-olds having matured by that point, but I would argue that there is just as high a proportion of adults who are immature as well, who make bad decisions when it comes to sex and relationships. Nevertheless, the point is valid.
But, barring those situations, I am trying to find, legality aside just for the sake of philosophical discourse, if one can find a moral or ethical rationale to condemn such behavior in ALL cases, even those where the maturity level of both partners is comparable.
I merely used my own experience as an example, to illustrate how not every such situation involves coercion, or abuse, and how they do not always have a negative impact upon the individuals involved. This is the crux of the argument.
I am questioning why, provided for the qualifiers listed above, (maturity, lack of coercion, etc), such behavior is universally condemned, and if there is a good reason why it should illegal in all cases, why exceptions should not be made in situations like mine, where the minor party was mature enough to consent, and capable of understanding the consequences of their actions, taking precautions to prevent negative repercussions. Certainly, one's mental maturity level should be factored in to such situations, should they not?
It appears that some respondents understandably did not notice my my age above my question. I am 27 years-old now, and this is discussing something that occurred years ago.
To those who asked and wondered: I was not interested in teenage boys, even as a teenager myself. It may have been that I had an unusually high maturity level, but they repulsed me. The way looking at a maggot-riddled corpse repulses people. The self-absorption, superficiality, and immaturity 99% of teenage boys possessed turned me away from them. I got along better with adults, who were more on my level intellectually.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): From a moral point of view, so long as you have complete understanding of what is going on, and the possible consequences of it, then it is fine. Also, morally, the adult must not be taking advantage of you in any way otherwise, as with taking advantage of anyone, it is morally wrong. Please though, try to understand that having sex should be a part of a loving relationship, not the cause of it.
Personally i am not sure if you are doing this for personal gratification, or if you really have been in close relationships with these adults.
With respect to the age of consent, my understanding is that it is there to stop children being involved in the sex trade, i agree with your point that some rules are pointless, but each rule can be applied to many sets of circumstances.
With you, so long as you have informed consent, and are not being coerced into doing anything you dont want to then in my opinion there is nothing morally wrong, but be aware that, legally, adults can be prosecuted.
In my opinion also, i am not criticising you in particular, but i feel that 13 is too young to have a sexual relationship with anyone, your body still needs to mature, even if you are mentally mature enough to deal with everything.
To answer your question, no you were not "wrong" to do what you did, but i would recommend putting a little more thought into your decisions in the future.
Hope i helped :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): It obviously has negatively affected your life if you now think it's ok for a 13 year old girls to be having sex with adult men. Thank God you don't want kids and I hope you don't work with them!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Because an adult is sexually involved with a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Becasue it is underage sex and is illegal. You should not be doing it at your age and certainly not with elder men. Maybe you should start looking at people your own age because what you think is fun isn't. it's serious!
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (13 May 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did not choose the thread title, and i don't really like it.
Now then, I don't have any doubts at all I've never regretted my actions for a moment.
I am interested from a philosophical standpoint if people can jutify, morally, the attitude that I or anyone else in a similar situation, was somehow 'wrong'.
No one so far has been able to give me a reason why non-coercive, consensual and responsible sex between an adult and a minor is wrong, morally.
Aside from 'it's illegal', and there are plenty of things that are illegal for dubious reasons, plenty of laws that are bullshit. Just because something is illegal does not make it wrong.
To the anonymous male who asked about a daughter, that is purely hypothetical, as I have never, in my entire life, wanted kids. I didn't even like playing with dolls as a kid. However,IF Ii had a daughter of the same age I was then, no I would not object to her being sexually active, even with adult men, provided there was no coercion involved, did so responsibly, and if she possessed a comparable maturity level to myself at the age (I was far more mature than any teenager I knew. And most adults as well, a fact my entire family agreed on.) It would all be contingent on those factors, though.
And yes, I do believe that most men are attracted to younger girls. It has been scientifically supported. Younger females have a higher fertility rate, and in early human history, when life was short and hard, they had a higher likelihood of surviving childbirth, therefor increasing the chances of successfully passing on genes. So, yes. Attraction to younger partners seems to be hardwired in to men's genetic makeup.
As to the two who threw around the term 'pedophiles', I very much suggest you look up the term, which refers specifically and EXCLUSIVELY to sexual attraction to PRE-pubescents, not to adolescents. The correct term is
ephebophile.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009):
the tone of your post perhaps indicate that you feel that it was not wrong and that you just want some sort of vindication?? Then if you believe it was not wrong and you wanted it with the older men who am i to say whether it was wrong or not. Did you not somehow prostitute yourself. Did these older men offer your money for your services? Is this the “wrong” that you want to right?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): So when you have a 13 year old daughter who starts having sex with adult males are you going to think it's o.k.? Let me ask you a question, what the heck would a grown man want with a 13,14,15 or even 16 year old girl? Think of it, mature respectable men would not have gone through with sex with a CHILD. You know who would? Sleezy, low life pediphile perverts. Dudes that are just disgusting and have no standards. So the biggest problem to me is the type of man you seem to be attracted to. As a grown woman you still don't see this as a problem? You think all men would just sleep with a 13 year old? Hello, it's a crime in America. You enjoyed conquering pervert pediphiles not real men and then you wonder whats wrong with it? You should go to a counselor. I think you have much deeper issues to be resolved.
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reader, pebble  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 It's wrong because adult men who have sex with a girl they know to be 13 years old are paedophiles.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): The men you had sex with were pedophiles. Who want to sleep with a 13 year old unless their perverts? are you attracted to 13 year olds?
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male
reader, Mr.Insignificant +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Do you feel it was wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): If it didn't negatively impact you, you wouldn't question it.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 May 2009):
If you don't have doubt of whether it was right or wrong, why ask the question?
Lets image for a moment your encounter didn't turn out as planned. You do everything you stated, being safe, initiating the encounter etc. Someone finds out and it's turned over to the authorities. He's sentenced to 25 years. Would your actions be okay when they could end with this outcome.
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male
reader, helpmaniac  +, writes (13 May 2009):
hon, the beauty of being a girl is the ability to be sought out for or deeply desired to the extent that men will do whatever it takes to have your consent on anything! . . .
On the issue of you dating/sleeping with elder men that's perfectly fine seeing that females mature faster than men!!! To explain this,99% pof the men your age are far less mature than you are.Of course there is always an exceptional 1%.
So my dear, the only area where you're wrong in my view is the fact that it's you enticing these men . . . and needless to say, whenever they are through with you, my bet is taht they have always thought less of you!
Do not fret, you can repossess your woman hood! You are a precious GEM Let those interested start see4king out and of course needless to say - your ultimate goal should be to say yes to that one special person that you will settle with in holy matrimony!!
Take Care: am praying for you
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): To put it bluntly: the main reason is that it’s Illegal for an adult to engage in a sexual act with a child below the age of 16 in the USA and Britain regardless of whether or not it is consensual.
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