A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a man for about 8 months. Since we got together, we have chatted every day-usually all day, everyday (facebook chat, skype, phone calls, text) We live several states apart, so we've only seen each other in person a few times. The relationship is pretty serious-we've talked in depth about getting married, have met each others kids, he even took me to look at engagement rings.In fact, the whole time we've been together, we've never missed a day without talking...until today. It's in the late afternoon and I haven't heard a peep from him. Actually, for the last couple of days, he has talked to me far less than ever. Normally, we will go back and forth over messaging while we are at work-the last couple days, I hardly heard from him and he even told me it was "slow" at work, so I know it wasn't because he was overly busy.What gives? Nothing has happened (that I know of) to make him suddenly drop the level of contact so drastically-just happened out of the blue. I already feel down that I haven't heard from him at all yet today, I know the day isn't over-but this is so uncharacteristic of how things have been.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): Well, there has to come a point when the guy-half of a the LDR just gets tired of text messaging. The lady-half by this time is really addicted to messaging day and night; and all hours. By this time, the depth and intensity of his feelings are now somehow directly related to the number of text messages he sends; or how long it takes to respond.
This is true, if you're between the ages of 13 and 17.
Once we are over the age of 25, the rules of adulthood must apply. The use of social media is no longer used as a gauge of one person's feelings for another. They are now based on how he or she behaves. What they actually say and do. The real proof is the frequency of his/her visits in person.
If visits are costly on his budget, his weekends have to be spent at home (to make her feel secure), and travel is burdensome and inconvenient; the guy-half usually gets over the lDR before the lady-half.
Generally in a long-distance relationship; when the frequency of communication slows down; often it is because one person is at their wits-end trying to maintain a full-fledged relationship over social media. Locally available men and women are becoming a lot more attractive, and a hell of a lot more convenient to date.
Another reason may be one of the couple becomes busy with having a life away from their electronic devices.
The reality is, there is no substitute for having a real-life in-person living in the same state type of relationship. It is convenient, more intimate, less stressful on the nerves. You can borrow things and return them within the same day. You can spontaneously call and ask her out to a movie. Or leave a gift and flowers, with an invitation for a pic-nic under the stars.
If it takes longer than 2-3 hours to travel to meet, it will become a burden trying to hold on and not be tempted to have a normal life and a real-life relationship that doesn't require one half of the relationship to travel by by a bus,plane, train, or ship. It is less stress on the budget. You can bring him chicken soup when he has a cold. Watch movies together on the couch.
If you don't hear from him soon, dump him. Get yourself a local boyfriend and have a real relationship without the
stress and anxiety of an LDR.
What i really didn't want to say, is he may have found someone locally to spend his time with. He's tired of having an LDR.
For the guy-half of an LDR, the discussion of marriage is 99.9% bullsh*t. It's a stretch and a fantasy that rarely comes true for the lady-half of the LDR.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2014):
 The whole day chatting is hard to maintain. When you live several states away from each other all you rely on is his words and his promise. Until the day you finally get married and settle in with the blended family you would always be wondering if it's all real. There's always the possibility that he is just telling you words and not really mean it. Any one can make promises. Taking you to a ring shop is easy. I am a trusting person, some would say I am naïve so let's say you will get married one day. If it's just a case of needing space, conversation getting too repetitive then you could ask him when he gets off work just for a clarification whether the texting is too much. Tell him it's okay to go moderate on the communication and there would be no hard feelings. It would be very considerate of a man to caution the woman he would be slowing down on the texts. Some men don't know that it is a problem with a break of pattern. Maybe deep down he felt trapped by the habit but didn't want to disappoint you so he said nothing. Maybe he doesn't even think of it that much and does as he pleases. The value of love is not built on the quantity of texting but on how he treats you and your children in your day to day lives.
Deciding on a marriage after only a few times' meeting is too risky for an average couple living in the same city but in your case I can understand the need to close the deal soon. In a long distance relationship the uncertainty is soothed when there are talks about marriage. You just have to see if he follows through. Even with close couples the texting is going to drop one day. You learn so much about a person you just relax in the idea that you have each other.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (9 February 2014):
 When a relationship goes on for a while sometimes contact just lessens- it isn't necessarily a reflection of the relationship. How on earth can someone keep steady contact with another person, continuously, for the rest of their lives? It's impossible. Sometimes you have to detach, live your lives, and then come back together to talk later when more has happened. You can't just sit there and say, "How was your day?" over and over again. You already know. You've been talking to them for the whole thing.Also, if you have any concerns, maybe run them by him. Don't bombard him with questions, just say, "Hey, I feel like we have been talking less lately, and I was wondering if there is a reason behind it." Make it clear that there isn't any anger or pressure just some concern. And there's always the chance of something going wrong in any relationship, so that's a part of it.If he needs space to do his own thing, let him have his space, and know that he'll come back to tell you all about it later.Hope this helped!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Well, hard to say without more info. Either one of two things...either this is a natural development of a LDR. It's hard to maintain every...single...day contact from long distance indefinitely. All relationships get comfortable and tons of contact is not the priority. Doesn't mean there's a problem. The other option is that there is something on his mind and he's not communicating it to you. I'd pony up and simply let him know that you notice that you are in less frequent contact and that's ok as long as there is not a problem. But if there is a problem could we talk about it?
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (8 February 2014):
 I know what you mean with lack of contact. All I can say is maybe you hurt him with something mentioned in the texts. It could be to like I mention to my ex he killing me with silence or just ignoring me. Dont look at it as something bad it could be to you best benefit. The reason I say that is they could be involved or something has come up for them. It could be for your best protection so you dont get caught up in no drama or sucka a$$ motives. I would distract myself from worry also movies household stuff laundry paperwork real work duties. You know stuff to keep your kind off of him. I have been there dont fret it usually means you are be in protected I have learned.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): A lot seems to have happened in very few actual meetings
Think you are going to just have to be very brave and ask him.
Work out a strategy of what you will do and how you will cope if the answer isn't what you want to hear. Anything is better than the anxiety of not knowing. It sounds strange for him not to have given a reason for his unavailability after all this time and considering how much you are in contact. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): There's really no way to know what is causing this. Maybe he's a bad mood and doesn't feel like talking as much, maybe he has other things going on in his life that are taking priority at this moment, maybe he just needs to slow down or take a break from the constant communications for a bit, maybe he doesn't even realize he's communicating less and everything seems normal to him.The only thing I can recommend is to wait it out and try not to think about it. Give it a couple more days or a week and see what he does. He may return back to normal before you know it.Don't make a big deal about it or ask him why he's doing it, if he really does feel like he needs a little space that's just going to make him want more space.Sending him more messages trying to get a response will have the same effect. Try mirroring his response times for awhile. Make yourself less available to him.But, again, the most important thing is don't let it bother you so much. It's not healthy to be so dependent on communications from somebody, and this is the very reason why. You shouldn't be worrying about slower communications for a few days or get down when you don't hear from him for a good portion of one day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Give it time, something may have happened... I have been through this and have more to say about it, but for now just give him a chance...
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A
female
reader, franny1297  +, writes (8 February 2014):
 sorry to hear this - no one can read anybody's mind, so i'll try and be as helpful as possible. Maybe this guy feels that this relationship is moving too fast? he doesn't feel like he knows you in person enough to get married? leave it for a bit and try not to be too clingy, it's a turn off for guys
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