A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok here is the story Aunts.I have been with my partner for 4 years. we Live Together and until towards the end of last year everything seemed fine with us.recently though everything he does/or doesnt do rather irritates the life out of me.he no longer comes to bed at night with me. he stays up and watches films or plays online gaming.he complains if there is a mess in our home but yet never cleans it himself. he never picks up after himself, takes bin out or even washes a dish. if i ask him to help (in a nice manner) he kicks off and tells me that he does enough round here. when infact he does nothing. he wont even take our dog out to the toilet or even pop ACROSS THE STREET to the shops. i honestly do everything.now bills (that he said was taken care of) are piling up and are now being sent final demands. id estimate the debt is over 1.5k.we dont have a penny to our name as he has been dissmised from work until there is more work for him to continue.i cannot work due to health reasons.and thats the other thing. knowing fine well im in bad health he says ''i use it as an excuse!!!''i feel like im on the verge of a breakdown and i just do not want to be here anymore.i know i have to do something about this relationship but 'Talking about it" wont make a blind bit of difference. it seems my only option is to end it... but my question to you is... How???i dont know what to say, i dont know how to approach it and giving that we live together its going to be so dificult.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe was working but was dismissed from his job as there wasnt enough work for him to cover. but the company have said they will call him back in when work picks up. so at the moment he is in receipt of government benefits. Also home is under both of our names
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 February 2014):
 The place you live in is that yours originally, or his?
If it's yours, I would tell him, I can't do this any more you have 30 days to move out. If it's his, I would look for a place to stay. (friends, family, look for approved housing that YOU can afford or a room to let (again, that you can afford) and I would pack my stuff and move out.
If you name is on ANY of the bills/utilities you need to find a way to get your name OFF and pay your share of the back owed. Or your credit will be going in the toilet too.
I don't know if talking to him will change anything. I presume (and here I could be wrong) but that he feels that because you do not work - you should do all the chores at home. Maybe his mom did everything too?
You could sit him down and talk chores, make a list and split it, but I don't see him changing.
It's not like it's news to him that you can't work, but it would be that he isn't good at all at making a budget and then sticking to it. If he isn't paying the bills, his credit (and yours if your name is on those bills) will go down the drain.
Is he working? You say he never leaves the house so what kind of income does he have?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2014): Do you have somewhere else to live? A friend or family member you can stay with, even if just temporarily? Just pack up your things and go. You don't need to say anything to him other than it's over. If he asks why, tell him everything you wrote here. If he asks for a second chance, tell him he's had plenty of chances already.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (8 February 2014):
 Honestly, this situation is not going to get any better if you do not talk to him about it and lay it on the line with how you feel.
Of course, talking it out is not always going to be easy but it is a big step to moving in the right direction and you have nothing to lose because if you carry on down the same path as you are on right now it will just get worse, your resentment will build and you may not be able to save it at all.
If he doesn't want to listen to how you feel or thinks that you are joking then how about taking some time to sit down and put in writing the exact way you feel in clear, plain as day ways that might get through to him - maybe ask if he would mind seeing a councilor and see if there might be anything that is holding him back, too?
If he is out of work, and you can't work, he might be more stressed than you realize about how he is going to support you both and him saying that you are using an illness or disability as an excuse might be a way of him reaching out to take a swipe at you because he feels pressure by it to be the bread winner - not because he really feels that you are using it as an excuse, but more just because of that pressure and an easy target.
I would definitely open up to him and see where you go from there. I think you both could do with talking it out. If you can't talk it out or progress then I would consider a break or even going your separate ways as you can't continue in a relationship like that without having that resentment eventually bubbling over.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (8 February 2014):
Honestly, this situation is not going to get any better if you do not talk to him about it and lay it on the line with how you feel.
Of course, talking it out is not always going to be easy but it is a big step to moving in the right direction and you have nothing to lose because if you carry on down the same path as you are on right now it will just get worse, your resentment will build and you may not be able to save it at all.
If he doesn't want to listen to how you feel or thinks that you are joking then how about taking some time to sit down and put in writing the exact way you feel in clear, plain as day ways that might get through to him - maybe ask if he would mind seeing a councilor and see if there might be anything that is holding him back, too?
If he is out of work, and you can't work, he might be more stressed than you realize about how he is going to support you both and him saying that you are using an illness or disability as an excuse might be a way of him reaching out to take a swipe at you because he feels pressure by it to be the bread winner - not because he really feels that you are using it as an excuse, but more just because of that pressure and an easy target.
I would definitely open up to him and see where you go from there. I think you both could do with talking it out. If you can't talk it out or progress then I would consider a break or even going your separate ways as you can't continue in a relationship like that without having that resentment eventually bubbling over.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe Never Goes Out. and i mean Never
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2014): Pack ur bags and leave while he is out
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