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female
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anonymous
writes: Why do people cheat all the time now? All of the sudden Dear Cupid is flooded with I cheated, or I want to cheat, or affairs from all people, men and women. I used to believe that only guys cheated, but then came across here. What's up with everyone, once you're in a marriage, does the words "Till death do us part," mean anything to anyone? It's morally wrong to cheat or even think about cheating on your lover, so why is everyone doing it latly?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): I believe people cheat because monogamy is not the natural state of humanity. The problem with cheating isn't multiple partners. It's dishonesty. Why cheat when you can get permission?
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 November 2006):
 People cheat because they're short sighted and only think of themselves. It's one of hte worst things you could do to a loved one I believe. It shatters trust and crushes peoples souls.
Probably the shallowest reason would be for excitement. If it's excitement that's needed, create it at home. People don't realize that in most cases, the grass is not greener on the other side. It's greenest where you water it.
People get bored and lose focus of all that a relationship encompasses. It extends outside of the original union and joins forces with in laws, kids, friends, hopes, dreams etc. Soem people feel neglected by their spouse and fall for the flattery for another person. It happens all the time. Communication is the most important thing to ride out a long happy marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): I posted about this too. People dont have enough empathy or decency. There are a few, but so very few it seems. One of my mates cheated on her husband recently and now I dont think i want to be around someone like that. If things are going bad, talk. If you cant solve it split up! There should never be any 'reason' for it. The only extreme case I could think of is where a woman is being beaten by her husband, only then i could see the point if you're with someone evil, but then why be with them? Another friend of mine was considering having sex with a man behind her boyfriends back. Why? Because he had sexual problems and she was not willing to help him get the confidence to see the doctor. She wouldnt talk it through or help him and that comes from her own words. Pathetically callus and weak. She didnt cheat but she was still looking at that option. When I was with my gf i fell for another woman but I didnt do a damn thing about it and stayed with my gf. People who do this may regret it later but its just a pitty they dont regret it the moment before they cheat. This world is full of nastyness and evil. I see people like this every day. The most the good amoung us can hope for is that we are lucky. You may think me extreme but you have no idea the things that I've had to endure. If people tried to work things out with their partners instead of having a dirty bit on side then things would be fine. Humans are flawed but there is a difference in making a mistake and knowing what you do will hurt someone. That's not a flaw, it's being a terrible human being.
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A
female
reader, mitta  +, writes (15 November 2006):
I think essentially there are only 2 reasons people cheat:
1) the are unhappy with their relationship but feel as though they cant leave for some reason. e.g. A woman who is deeply unhappy with her husband who works all the time and pays her no attention. She meets a guy, they fall in love but feels as though she cant leave because he is the bread winner and her kids would suffer for it, but she loves this guy so much.
2) Oportunists. People who just fancy a bit of excitement that comes along once in a while, the kind you can only get from one night stands, but also wants a stable relationship. Or maybe they dont care.
I know that its a terrible fact of life but, many people would say that inherently humans are not monogamous creatures. I too have felt the urge to cheat sometimes for one reason or another. I would like to meet the person in a relationship that hasn't and ask them their secret. When you feel as though you're in love with someone sometimes the feelings are too much to resist. I'm in no way condoning cheating but we're only human.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Your right,it does seem like morals have gone down the drain but not everyone is at it.People cheat for a number of reasons..and here they are;
1)Oportunity
2)Boredom
3)The sex with their partners has deteriorated.
4)lack of sexual desire.
5)The excitement it brings.
I can go on forever with this because humans are imperfect but like i said,there is plenty of marriages that are rock solid...its just the way it is.Love and lust gets confused and people get hurt,but we hope on Dear Cupid that us agony aunts,try to help out as best we can without being too judgemental.
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Hey Anon,
You know, I used to wonder the same thing. But honestly there are so many different situations that sometimes people don't really care about morals. For instance, if someone is in an abusive relationship and is scared into staying, but has found someone who cares about them and has an affair with that person, morals don't really come into play.
For example, a woman might stay married to a man because he is violent and she doesn't want anything to happen to herself, her kids, her other lover... She has the affair to make herself happy but thinks there is no way out of the situation so she stays married and keeps the affair secret. She doesn't know that there are domestic abuse shelters, hotlines that will help her make plans, etc. Maybe that same person doesn't give us all of those details on Dear Cupid and just says "I'm unhappy with my partner." So you really have to think of it from all angels, not just morals.
And then there are the couples who are married who can't seperate because of the financial benefits of marriage. They can't make it on their own, so they stay married in an unhappy relationship and end up cheating. So then you could say that society/government is one of the reasons for cheating. (Marriage benefits are ridiculous and should be for everyone in my opinion. This is a top reason women stay in abusive relationships in the US. Look it up. It's ridiculous!)
As for the people who have a "great" spouse but still end up cheating, it's most likely because of personal issues that they need to come to terms with. I can't get into specifics of why they cheat because there are so many and everyone is different, but most likely it's written about somewhere in their post. (Although, there are the few arrogant/egotistical jerks who pop up now and then.)
But look at the bright side, most of those people come here asking for help to get out of having an affair or at least seek help on what they should do about the situation in general. I mean, this is an advice site afterall.
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