A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I just have a quick question. I asked everyone here a while back whether I should tell my girlfriend that I'm a virgin or not and people kept telling me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it. Why?Why shouldn’t I? Most guys loose their the vcard between 15 and 18, and I'm now creeping up on 24 so I feel like I have a fairly good reason to be embarrassed about it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Charter114 +, writes (23 May 2012):
I'm also a virgin, I'm 18, and I disagree with everyone above. Virginity is a curse, and a burden. And it is a big deal. There is an emotional attachment that comes with sex. That's why relationship break-ups hurt more when your sleeping with the other person. I don't know about you, but my reasonings are:
My friends are
The people I went to school with are
My exes did, and treated me bad for being a virgin
It makes me feel like less of a man
Sex is the best thing I have to look forward to now days
And most of all:
If I can get with a girl, and a girl loves me enough to go that far, then I can respect myself. I would have earned respect, and I would have earned love from myself.
My family always made a big deal about sex, and even my dad made fun of me for being a virgin. If you don't respect my views on it, well that sucks.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 June 2011):
I lost my V-card at 22. Where I come from, this is unheard of. Or that's the impression every youngster gives. The truth is I never had a problem with being a virgin. I had a very busy life, between my studies, an ill mom and an autistic brother, I didn't have time to devote to a boyfriend and one night stands were out of the question. Still, at 21 I did start to wonder. All those years slipping by unnoticed...I was afraid I would one day wake up, being a virgin in my 30s.
Then at 22 I was introduced to a new guy at sports. We hit it off immediately and after many months circling around each other I finally cut through the BS and told him how I felt. At the end of the year, not far from my 23rd B-day I lost my V card to him. He was experienced but had no problems taking it slow with me and was actually very honoured to be my first.
So what I'm basically trying to say is to relax and stop seeing virginity as a problem that needs to be solved. It's not. Many girls don't like it when a guy has slept around a lot. Look up retroactive jealousy on this site and you'll see the amount of questions regarding big track records.
So be open and be confident. You are not tainted by STD's and you don't have exes with babies running around to ruin your future.
One tip I can give: ask for directions. When the moment arrives tell the girl you'd like her to guide you and tell you what she enjoys so you can please her as best as you can. Everyone is different in their preferences. I asked this at my first time and it really helped me find my way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): In my opinion, It makes girls want you more. Some will want to 'dirty you up', others will think it's cute that you're saving it for someone special and they might want to be that special person. I would rather be with a virgin than a person who has had many other girls. Me and my bf lost it to eachother and he was 20. I loved it that when he gets turned on or fantisizes he does about me. :) Makes me feel special. If he wasn't a virgin I would have thought a lot more about losing it to him.
Hope this helped somehow.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (26 June 2011):
If you want to be embarrassed go ahead, but there's no need to! You'll find someone when the time is right.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (25 June 2011):
 It is much bigger in your own mind than in reality. We do this all the time! Keep things to ourselves because we are convinced they would not be accepted or people would think worse of us.
Here is a little hint: It is usually the people who most crave attention and acceptance in order to function that end up being the ones who are criticize others.
Anyone shallow enough to not accept where you are in life isn't worth dating or having as a friend.
I lost my virginity at the age of 21. In fact, it was about four hours before the world trade center was struck, early in the morning on Sept. 11th. I can tell you with 100% certainty had it not happened on such an infamous date, I would have definitely forgotten the date. In fact, without getting too graphic, I was unable to lose my virginity on at least two prior occasions (with two different girls) because I was too nervous to get an erection. How embarrassed do you think I was!
So, here I was letting it build and build in my mind as this momentous occasion. Even getting so nervous I was having a (not) hard time leading up to it! :-)
The night it happened I had gotten drunk, had been dating this girl for a month, and sometime in the wee hours of the night it just happened. And when it did, I was like, "Ummm, well okay."
Of course it was great, but it really does not change your life in any way.
And I am not telling you any of this to suggest any action on your part. I just want to ease your mind about what will eventually happen.
One more thing. Do NOT let any issue with getting an erection because of nerves embarrass you too much. It is a physiological response to nerves that guys can have, and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. And even though it may make it easier if the other person knows, I didn't. In fact, she and I dated off and on for four years, and I didn't tell her until after we stopped dating. I am not sure that was the right way to go about it though.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (25 June 2011):
hi i really wouldnt worry about it women don.t really bother about things like that explain to her before you have sex and have fun with it just dont worry
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk! +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Hiyaaaa,
You shouldn't be embarassed because if you tell your girlfriend that your a virgin then she thinks that your probably gonna save it for "someone special" kinda thing and girls totally dig that!
So you really shouldn't be embarassed because not everyone is ready and it might not be a big thing to lose your virginity but it really is.
Don't be embarassed it and if you tell your girlfriend that your a virgin double bonus one for what I said before about the saving it for someone special, second it shows that your being really honest and careful really.
It's a minor thing!
Hope my advice helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 Because you shouldn't. I know several guys around the age as you who are still virgins.
Let me tell you something though, virginity is really more a social construct than anything.
When I was younger, I thought my virginity was precious, and that losing it was going to be this life changing thing, that i'd suddenly become a woman.
And then I lost it, and I LITERALLY felt the same. In reality, losing your virginity is really about as life changing as trying a new food.
You know, if you look on her, you see tons of girls feeling like they can't measure up to their boyfriend's ex partners in bed.
I don't know if you've told her or anything, but if she's worth having, she's not going to care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): Just because otehr people have, doesnt mean that you needed too, some girls might prefer this, as girls at your age too havent lost their virginity. You can share it together, not everyone is the same, so dont feel embarrassed! :-)
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (25 June 2011):
Most guys losing their "vcard between 15 and 18" is crap.
You would be surprised at the amount who say they have lost their virginity between those ages but actually havent.
A lot say it to feel part of the rest but they are lying while most are just honest about it.
Just look through this website - the virginity section in particular - and you will see the amount of people younger than you, same age and older who haven't lost their virginity.
All of you are in the same boat saying you feel embarassed and all of the responses you lot get tell you not to be.
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