A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:HelloI think the honeymoon period is over in my relationship. After a wonderful 5 months my girl has changed. She is happy for me to see buddies, my family and is not the jealous type but in other ways I feel so criticisedShe says I put the dish cloth in wrong place after washing up,says i wash, clean up etc the 'wrong way'I am Clumsy,starts lots of sentences with ' you always'never apologises hardly ever says please or thanks EG " put the light on wud ya"She brings up old argumentsI could go on with other examples. I feel scared to do anythingOf course i have my own ways but dont we all? but overall I consider myself to be a nice caring guy who would never say the things she does.What's up with her? help please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I think you need to gently "kick 'er to the curb"-- (not literally!) You need to sit down with her and have a serious discussion, telling her how you feel when she makes these remarks. Take your cue from how she reacts-- if she shows concern, then I think there is hope for turning things around. If she just scoffs and laughs about it, she disrespects you. You deserve a better life partner than that.
She could just be set in her ways, or she could be a control freak. If you change to suit her, then she needs to change to suit you too. Compromise should go both ways.
Definitely don't go getting married to her unless she changes her attitude. You sound like far too nice a guy to put up with this treatment.
A
female
reader, tjazzy  +, writes (2 December 2009):
Looks like she's ready to marry, but you aren't showing signs of popping the question. Also, she loves you so much that she's trying to make you into her Mr. Perfect. Anyhow, if you don't like how she addresses you just tell her politely. But if you feel you can adjust, then make a few changes in your habits just to please her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Guys. I am beginning to wonder if she has some sort of control issues, not sure though. It just seems a little more than niggles of living together. My confidence is sapped by her
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Are you actually living together? After only 5 months? That could be the problem right there if that is the case!
As Gina said, everyone has their habits and their own way of doing things, so try not to take it to heart when she says you are doing things wrong - just learn how she likes to do it and then do it that way from now on. The problem with most men and cleaning is that they rarely do it, and when they do try and help out men tend to do it wrong or not quite the way we like it, so you end up thinking "it would have been easier to do it myself" - hence why we get grumpy over sill small things! We want you men to help out but if you dont do it properly it means we women just have to do it again!
May I ask how old you are and how old your girlfriend is? That could show some insight into her reasons for this behavior.
I think you need to talk to her - explain that you love her very much but you are starting to feel like the honeymoon period is over and you want to get things back on track. Tell her that when she comments on the way you clean for example, it belittles you and her constant criticism of the way you do things is starting to get to you. Tell her you understand that you do things she doesnt like/agree with but criticizing you isnt helpful - ask her to provide you with constructive criticism next time. So instead of starting sentences with "you always" or just being negative about the way you do things, she should say something like "the way I like to do this is to ........." - so rather than being a direct criticism of you, it is beneficial to both of you because you will learn how to do it in a method she prefers, and she wont ever have to tell you again how to do it and things will be the way she likes.
The problem here seems to be with communication - you are not talking to each other, you are only finding the flaws in each other and pointing them out. So both of you need to stop being negative and stop thinking about all the little things that annoy you. Rather you should learn to talk to each other as soon as a problem arises. For example, when she asks you to do something without a "please" or "thank you" then instead of getting up to do it and thinking away to yourself "god she is so rude" - talk about it there and then. Say something like "I am happy to do this for you but before I do it bothers me that you never say please or thank you any more - I like doing things for you because I love you but it would make me happier if I felt you appreciated what I do for you." She will have probably become so comfortable around you she will have forgotten her manners - if she gets a kind but firm reminder from you then she might realise she has been slacking off in the manners department.
In all relationships people take each other for granted, become a bit lazy, nag each other and irritate each other. But the key to making a relationship work is to compromise - accept you both have flaws and little things you dont like about each other but it is ok & normal to feel like that. The main thing is to talk about it and work out a way to compromise and get round the issue.
All relationships reach this point and she is not acting massively different to the way any other woman might act in the same situation. So instead of blaming her behaviour and thinking she is the one with the problem, accept that you both are to blame for letting the relationship get like this, then work together to make it better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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