A
male
age
36-40,
*port33
writes:Ok, so I have this dilemma that is just eating at me.Im with this girl, she says we're more then friends and she "thinks" of me like a b/f. Well i was messaging her through MSN one night... and she wouldn't answer, then after awhile... Some guy answered, he asked who i was and i asked who he was and i had never heard of the guy...mind you this is at like 3AM. He said she was sleeping. I found this weird because she normally doesn't let people in her house. I've only been in like twice really. Says her mom is weird about it. Anyway, i didn't think much of it... sorta thought it was her messin with me and stuff so i let it go... after that we would hang out a lot and talk pretty much everyday on the phone and see each other often which led me to believe everything was ok.That was until one night she came over and was checking her facebook, and i guess she forgot to logout and it saved all her info... so when she left and i took her home..i got back and when i went to go check my facebook, it goes straight to hers. At first i didn't notice. Then after i did I was about to log out when I thought, hmmm just curious to see who she talks to on her. ( I don't know how guilty to feel for doing this, but i feel quite a bit). Sooo i look only at the first page and no body really i didn't know...until i saw a message titled ( "that dudes name" from the MSN messaging night).It pretty much said that they had been dating and she has been seein someone other guy also.. and he wanted her to choose between the 2 of them.Mind you she always tells me that she only hangs out with a select few of friends and that im this b/f type guy. But then i read this and don't now what to think. Liar comes to mind.I got the courage to ask her..if she knew a guy named "so in so" (from the MSN message night) and she flat out denied it, said she knew no one one by that name at all. When i know for a fact she does because i read the "love" message on her facebook. Now she is kinda mad because i don't really believe her. I wanna tell her why but don't know if i should.My question i guess is.... Would it be wise or the right thing to do, to let her know that i saw that message on her facebook and that i looked on her facebook at all...not like i did on purpose at first.I just think she would get pissed for an invasion of privacy, but i think she shouldn't of lied to me. Im kinda sorry i did it, and part of me def isn't, cuz i woulda never found out other wise.Sooooo show her that i know she is lying with the facebook message or what? I really have no idea what to do.. i wanna just tell her, shes the one that is lying anyway.Sorry for this being so long, Thanks so much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): Hi there.Can i ask,is she on your friend's list on Facebook,or does she have a public profile,so that when you click on her name,you can see her page ?.I know sometimes you can see people's profiles but most of the time you cant because you have to add them as a friend first.If you are on her friend list,it shouldnt matter if you have seen her facebook page,and even if you arent,if her profile is public,then again,it shouldnt matter if you've seen her page.You have a right to look there.Also,ws the message you saw a comment on her page,which everyone can see,or was it a private message ?.Sorry,i'm abit confused,i dont know if you were saying you checked her page through your account,since you said it goes straight to hers,or if you meant you were actually logged into her account,since you said she hadnt logged out,or did both happen ?.It just gives me a better understanding and i should be able to tell you what you should do.If you saw a public comment on her page,well that's their own fault for making it public,and it's obvious you would have seen it anway.If it was a private message,i'm not sure..
I hope this helps somewhat.
A
female
reader, MartiniBaby +, writes (23 January 2009):
lOl. This was funny, but all jokes aside I don't know if you should tell her because putting myself in the situation I would be pretty pissed that my male b/f read my messages too. Although I wouldn't be too mad because it's a bestfriend and bestfriends are NOSEY. It's not like I would be suprised. Maybe you should tell her that you were just inocently backspacing and it popped up on the computer(*gasp* Omg how did that get there) and you by being her bestfriend read it and you were in shock. In the aftermath you should tell her if she's your bestfriend then she shouldn't be afraid to tell you things and you wouldn't think any less of her if she was honest with you. You should apoligize because you should not have been cruising through her facebook. But I mean who isn't tempted she might have done the same to yours if the shoe was on the other foot. Right? But yup let her know that you saw it and apologize. Now if you get this feeling that you shouldn't tell her then don't lOl even though the right thing to do is tell her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): hiya,You say she says that you are kinda like a boyfriend so im taking that to mean you havent had an actual conversation about becoming an exclusive couple. If you're not in an exclusive relationship, you cant be mad at her for dating other guys or seeing other people. You CAN, however, be mad at her for lying to you. If you want her to be your girlfriend and not be seeing other people then you should tell her that and make it crystal clear to her that if she is your girlfriend, then she is YOUR girlfriend and not anyone elses. Just tell her that you know she's seeing someone else and the lies have to stop. You dont have to tell her how you know she is - you dont owe her an explanation at this point because as you say, she's the one doing the lying. You could tell her about the msn conversation but the other guy has probably already told her about it anyway.Good luckxxx
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A
female
reader, x-Happy-Feet-x  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 yeah, go ahead tell her how you feel and tell her that you didnt log out that you never intended on looking on her facebook untill you noticed the message, so you read it out of curiosity, just tell her what u told us or maybe even send her the link,, cuz in my mind you havent done anything wrong but shes definetly playing on your mind, what girl should be able to do that and get away with it, tell her about it, she will obviously do it again so i think moving on is the best idea, but tell her why, let her come running and let her do the chaseing, hope everything goes well for you x
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