A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband is very manipulative.If I'm listening to my music, and I walk out of the room to do something (like the washing). I'll come back in and find my music has been turned off. The lights are off. I ask him, what are you doing?His reply is, "I don't know what your talking about,You weren't in there." Of course I was in the room. I was just in there! I went out to do the washing!!!I feel like crying.What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, when nothing goes right go left  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 He's either being selfish and not really thinking about how you feel or he knows how you feel and is doing it for control or he is just doing it to
irritate you. So you need to tell him how you feel about and he will either realise and try and stop or he will continue to do it and if he does then you need to ask yourself if you really want to stay with someone who will
treat you badly.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 He does this...because he is a sensible person ? .. Frugal and ecologically minded ?
What's the point of keeping the lights on and electric appliances working , when you aren't there ? Why keeping bills , and energy consumptions, up- when you don't need to ? ..It's not even like you went, say, for a superquick dash in the loo - you went to do the washing, must have taken you a few minutes at least ?... Would you live the water from a tap flowing for no reason ten minutes while you are in another room ?...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Um why leave the light and music on when you can see or hear it? That seems rather wasteful.
Now he may not think you would notice it, but honestly if I am in the house and hubby leave his music blaring and leaves the room not to come back within a few min, I TURN it down or off too.
Could be he doesn't share you taste in music, could be he just doesn't like things being left on.
I'm not quite sure why this is making you cry.
Next time just turn the lights out and the music down when you leave the room to do the laundry or whatever.
I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Has he always tried to conserve electricity? Are you bills much higher than usual?
If you don't think this could be the cause, has his behaviour changed in other ways, could it be part of the aging process, how long since he had a thorough checkup?
Have you tried talking to him about it, not when it happens but maybe over dinner, you could say " you know, when you do blah blah blah I get really upset'. He may not realise what he is doing.
You could try blu tacking a little sign over the CD player's on/off switch and also the wall switch saying "HANDS OFF, I'M NOT DONE YET" and if he still switches them off then consider seeking counselling or even leaving if you believe he is doing it deliberately to upset you.
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (3 March 2013):
Why would that make you want to cry? He's probably just trying to save electricity... If you go out to do the washing, you're probably around 10 minutes or more - it's quite reasonable for him to pass by the room, see that you're not in there and that the lights/ music are on, and switch them off because they aren't being used.
I think you're overreacting, if that's all he's doing it doesn't sound like he's trying to be manipulative at all...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): Is he trying to save money on electricity? Do he like the music you listen to, or does he find it irritating?I think there is an aspect to this that you are not considering. He probably plays stupid because he doesn't want to argue with you. My fiance was livid when I told him I disliked his music settings. He would adjust the trebel to unbearable levels and play old punk and ska loudly. He was angry with me for *years* over this because he thought I hated his music and not the loud ear shattering trebel.Music can be a very touchy subject. Everyone likes different things and feels very strongly about what they do and do not like musically. Find put how he feels about your music. If he really doesn't like it, buy some headphones or earbuds as a compromise.
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