A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend (27y) of 9 months and I (26y) have never been intimate, never discussed sex (she gets extremely uncomfortable), never ventured our hands between each others' legs. I always respect her comfort level.I feel unwanted. I feel unattractive. I don’t feel desired.Tonight, to be honest, I’m even a little mad and not bothered in the least if we don’t see each other for another week. I don’t care that she wants to see me sooner. Does she have to be so @!#$%$ frigid? Am I that repulsive?!!!What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 have you talked to her about it?
is it possible she considers you guys just friends?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Talk to her. She's not your girlfriend either OP, without romance and sex you're just friends.
Talk to her about this, not in an angry way not in an accusatory way just ask her why she feels that way.
OP she could have been molested as child or be so crushingly insecure she thinks you'll hate her body and dump her after you see it or you get intimate.
Look if she won't open to you and tell you why or if there is no progress at all, then seeing as you're basically just friends at the moment then it's time you officially became "just friends".
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 You've done well to last 9 months. What does she want from the relationship? If she gets 'extremely uncomfortable', I'm assuming you've tried to discuss the lack of intimacy with her. If you've tried to tell her how you are feeling, and things are still the same, I don't know what else you could do if she won't talk about things. I could understand you moving on from this girl.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (5 May 2011):
first off, getting angry and blaming her probably wont' solve anything and just make things worse.
You need to talk with her and communicate with her, to try and find out why she's so unwilling to be intimate with you. Not to be blaming her and getting angry.
Clearly she has these boundaries up around her, who knows why. maybe she suffered abuse in the past, maybe she doesn't trust you. Maybe she's afraid of something. If she gets uncomfortable discussing sex, it could be she has some deep seated psychological issue about it.
Don't take it personally, without knowing the real reason. It's not all about you. try to be more compassionate towards her. If you're unwilling to deal with this, then consider if maybe this isn't the right relationship for you.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Well, since intimacy is entirely natural between available adults (male/female) who care about each other, and those with amorous attraction, then it would seem unusual that a partner of nearly a year resists even a discussion of intimate activities. Personally, my interest would have waned within a month or two.
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A
male
reader, Crabman  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 ~with out crying ~ you need to tell her this
you have needs too
and this need is a big one !
have a talk with her , dont let her raise her voice or cry, just calmly ask whats up
you may need to discuss satisfying your needs elsewhere ...
maybe ...
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (5 May 2011):
 What should you do?
Dump her ass!
and move on. Do you think this is going to get any better? It won't. Look I've met girls like this before, they only see their world and what suits them. This is only going to get worse, what she is doing is not normal.
Move on!
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