A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last July at a 25 year school reunion I met an old school friend whom I experienced an instant strong chemistry with, he was in a relationship and I was just out of one, I wasn’t interested in dating a taken man and made that known! He pursued me massively and Over the last few months stupidly the chemistry has got to much and I’ve indulged in a bit of FWB with him (his responsibility to be faithful not mine) I have developed feelings for him we both agreed it should end before people get hurt. We stopped contact aside from social media and a few days ago he contacted me in a slightly joking way at first to point out a friend of mine in his words “wants to fook me” he’s screen shot mine and this guys jokey fb conversations and broke them down on where I’m being “flirty” and then also informed me he had looked through my friends pictures and my friends ex girlfriends pictures?!? He’s text me daily to ascertain if I’ve been intimate yet (which I’ve no interest in doing with this friend of mine) I’mConfused why would someone do this? Does this mean he’s not over us? When I tell him I think he’s jealous he says no he just knows I’ll end up in bed with him ?!?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): OP the only thing that will be bothering him will be he has lost a bit of excitement away from his marriage, hurting? Pah I don't think so.
I had the odd fling with married men when I was younger and justified it like you have but at the end of the day shoe on other foot how would you like your husband doing that to you and do you honestly think you wouldnt place some blame on the other woman?
You know full well he is married and regardless of it being him cheating on her you are still part of his shitty sleazy behaviour.
If you feel no guilt and think your part was okay why did you not just carry on?
You was simply a woman he could sleep with, I highly doubt nostalgia played any part in that.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 December 2019):
 OP, sometimes people grow up to be assholes.
You knew him when you were younger, 25 years later, he is DEFINITELY not the same guy, just like YOU are not the same woman.
Someone who treats YOU as entertainment or sexual exploitation IS that really someone you WANT to consider a friend?
Yes, it sucks that the friendship you THOUGHT you had is gone because of the FWB. Once you toss in sex, it's really hard to move back to platonic friendships especially if one of you want more, he does. HE wanted MORE sex from you. He didn't care HOW his wife might feel about it and he certainly didn't think all that much about how YOU might feel about being a piece of sloppy seconds.
Which is WHY it's ALWAYS the smart thing to NOT just let "chemistry" rule you. You DO have control over your own actions and choices. If a guy has a wife or GF, and the chemistry is really intense, you know (now from experience) that it's a fart in a bottle. Not going to ADD much positivity to your life. It can't go anywhere. HE is already attached to someone else. EVEN if their marriage sucks, HE is still attached, and IF he is willing to cheat on a wife/long term GF... He'd cheat on you too at some point. Because a guy like that doesn't have all that much respect for women.
WANT more for yourself. Treat yourself better. Take responsibility for your actions and choices.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2019):
 You can take responsibility for your own actions, though. The action of going to bed with a married man is at best questionable, because you have agency and right of chouce in sexual matters. It's not that you have to have sex with whomever asks you or whomever likes you. You can say : You, yes. You, married ? Uhm naaah, I don't think so. If HIS moral code allows him extramarital sex with no compunction and no remorse- that's on him, it does not mean that your moral code must necessarily be as shady too, right ?
This just for the love of logic. If you don't feel bad about sleeping with married men, so be it and good for you.
As for the rest .. I think it's quite simple. The guy got laid, he wants to get laid again. If and when he fancies. He wants to be the one who call the shots. You decided that you did not want casual hhok ups, - but casual hook ups are exactly what would work for him, So yor interests are strongly in contrast about that, and, alas until you don't give him a stronger sign, that between you it's really, definitively over / like blocking him from socoal media ). he will think that he can still put a foot in the door, he just needs to work on you a little more. Maybe he even thinks that you are playing coy or hard to get- but you surely do not give me teh vibes which say inequivocably " Ot's over, leave me the f.. k alone ! ".
Your childhood friendship ? Aw please. You are not children, and it was not platonic friendship, but sexual chemistry which got you together. If he wanted to " fook " you , and ciceversa, it was certainly not because you were so good at playing "Ring a Ring a Roses" or "London Bridge is falling down" when you were 3 years old. You were and are relating to each other as adult sexual beings in a casual, sexual ( and illicit ) relationship; if you want it to be completely , forever over you need to act consequently. No more nursery rhymes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): I stopped the FWB because I realised that it’s not going anywhere and I actually don’t want to be the other women!! He means a lot as a friend someone whom I share a childhood with so hence why I kept him on social media as the complete cut off seemed harsh! I don’t have an ego about this ether, just he seemed to take it ok that I couldn’t continue and actually agreed he was feeling like a scumbag towards his wife, I thought it was over because we said it was and I’m not used to game playing. Just wanted insight into his head not to gain any attention. I have since told him to back off and have removed him from fb ... I’m not going to lie that hurt because I see him and it reminds me of better time’s in my childhood but I realise that this is only hurting the both of us! I am not a bad person it’s not my responsibility to worry about his marriage, I am faithful in my relationships. People can’t take responsibility for other people’s actions... !!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2019): My question is this. Are you bragging or complaining???
Maybe because you aren't resolute or serious when you call yourself disassociating with him. You haven't blocked his number, continue to respond to his messages; and you haven't told his wife about your affair. Hope she's not one of those psycho-types they make scary movies about!
He's as serious as you are about ending the relationship. If you're bragging about how so in-love and smitten he is with you; I wouldn't be so flattered. You aren't confused about any of this. You seem quite proud of yourself. Don't let him pull you down to his level!
You're an extra vagina when he's tired of the old-one. He won't leave her, because she'll clean him out financially; and he probably really loves her in spite of being a low-down dirty-bastard scumbag.
He's adding shade and scandal on your character. Cut him loose, and mean it. It's demeaning being used and objectified. Screwing another woman's husband doesn't exactly glorify you in the eyes of other women.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 December 2019):
“His responsibility to be faithful not mine.” Hmmm, only partly true. He’s the one that’s accountable to his girlfriend, but the moral responsibility is with both of you. How would you feel about a woman that did this to you? You should never have got involved with someone who is taken, simple as that! The chemistry only got too much because you didn’t do the sensible thing and cut contact with him. Why would you want someone like this in your life? Have a hook up with someone who is single if you want a bit of fun.
He is jealous. He wants to keep you hooked in. You say that the chemistry got too much and he knows it. He’s playing a manipulative reverse psychology trick on you: he shows an interest in your relationship with someone else as a way to keep talking to you whilst convincing you that he’s over you. He knows very well that you’ve developed feelings for him and that so long as he’s still in contact, you can’t start to move on. Ask yourself why, if he really wanted you to go and get together with someone else, he wouldn’t just wish you luck and back off. Ending contact apart from social media is, quite simply, not ending contact. Do yourself a huge favour: end it now completely and permanently. One of you will get hurt otherwise and that person is almost certainly going to be you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2019): He's a creep. But you already know that because he's cheat. Block. Delete. Move on. Don't sleep with married dudes.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2019):
Well, you presume it's OK to do a little "FWB" with him and then you can't understand why he is hoping for sex.
While it IS his responsibility to be faithful, you COULD have some stronger morals and actually stick to what you preach... as in... "I wasn’t interested in dating a taken man and made that known! " which is complete bollocks when you also say...."I’ve indulged in a bit of FWB with him "
It's either not OK to mess around with a "taken" guy or you just don't GIVE a single F... You can't sit on the fence and claim innocence here.
YOU have invited him into your life and now that he is stomping through your social media making up shit about what HE thinks another man might feel about you you just let him?
How about you decide whether it ACTUALLY is ok to mess around with a "take guy" or not and then ACT accordingly? So if it's NOT really OK, then tell him, I think it's better we stop talking here because this is inappropriate, and then you BLOCK him from all of your social media and personal e-mail, phone etc.
I don't think you will, however, because YOU get something out of this. Attention.
He is bored in his marriage (or with himself) and sees you as entertainment. Someone to play games with and hopefully to use as a "notch" in his bedpost.
What you see in this guy (other than chemistry) I don't know. But you ARE wasting your time if you think this will lead to ANYTHING good.
Have a little decency and respect for his wife and YOURSELF.
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