A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last year I dated a guy for 3 months until I found out that he's married with kids. It was his pregnant wife who found out about him dating me and telling me about it (so she was the one who uncovered him). I was devastated and I asked him to stop contacting me.After around one month, we bumped into each other and we slept together. Following that, I was feeling very guilty so I told him that it was a mistake and that we shouldn't meet/contact each other. Time passed and he didn't contact me anymore (except on special occasions when he texted me a simple christmas message and on my birthday). We do bump into each other every now and then (as we work and live near each other) but we exchange simple small talk and that's it. Few weeks ago, he texted me and asked me out for lunch...I told him I'd love to but better not as it would be hard for us to stay just friends. Whenever I see him (at the gym or some other place) I can feel that he's still interested in me.Yet, some months ago he met my best friend (they got assigned on a job together) and they got along. After that, they sometimes bump into each other (as my best friend lives in the same building that I live in and works with us as well)...she told me that he never asks about me and that she's sure that he's interested in her (from the way he looks at her).I trust my friend so I know that she'd never fall for him but I wonder why he's trying to get her. I mean I understand that he's a pig and that she's a beautiful girl so he'd want to bed her...but doesn't he realise that this will hurt me a lot and also cause conflict with my best friend?
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female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (16 June 2012):
Yes, I totally concur with both aunts. He is not trying to damage ur friendship, simply bc he doesn't care as long as at the end of the day he f#*ks a lady other than his wife. And you are beyond naive to believe he cares for either of u. N even if he wanted to divide and conquer the fact remains he's MARRIED and unavailable to either of u. What are u thinking??? And if u haven't already let ur friend know he's married. Not for her to back off but both of u to back off this married guy. And perhaps him boning ur friend will be what it takes for u to officially leave this married guy alone. Funny how as long as ur not getting hurt you'll still sex him but ur not considering the hurt that either of u is causing the wife. Funny
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 June 2012):
 If he ever thinks about the happiness of something other than his penis, then he might realize it. The fact he's doing this shows he doesn't care. He doesn't care or worry about what negative emotions other peopke may experience.
He's toxic. Flush him from your life. Don't bother trying to figure him out. If you do, all you will have accomplished is to understand a selfish being. It's not worth it.
Be well.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I doubt he is trying to cause problems between you and your friend, I think he is probably more interested in getting into her knickers! I also doubt very much that your feelings in this even crossed his mind.
Why do you care if he asks after you or not,why are you even talking to him, why, why, why?
Your response to his being married and having polite little conversation here and there, and saying gee I'd like to do lunch is only encouraging him. The fact you are happy to play goo goo eyes with him at the gym and remain friends with him makes me want to ask where your brain is .... but I wont ask that but will ask what are you thinking instead!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 I must say that you are a very forgiving type. Some guy "forgets " to tell you that he has a pregnant wife waiting for him at home while he is frolicking with you, and makes a total fool of you, and you " make small talk " with him and tell him " you'd love to go lunch ,if only etc ".
Very polite. Most women would have just crossed him off their " people who exist " list.
Anyway, don't let your politeness ( or your hormons ) cloud your logic.
What, do you want him to CARE about your feelings ? When you are the first one to call him a pig, and when you know that he did not hesitate about hurting the feelings of his own wife and mother of his kids ? Just because you had 3 months of fun and games , you expect him to be considerate ?...... You can bet that how would you take his courtship of your friend has not even crossed his mind, and if it did , he does not give a rat's ass, as long as he can get what he wants.
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