A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why is my boyfriend so awkward sexually?? Let me give you a few examples:1. His idea of dirty talking is girly moaning followed by phrases like "ooh you do it so good" and "f*** my d*** good baby" these aren't exactly the things a girl wants to hear coming from a man.2. Today he sent me a pic of his penis on semi-hard. He took it in the bathroom while he was on break at his job and sent it to me while i was in the middle of class. Wtf? 3. Every time we have sex he has to get COMPLETELY naked. Every single time. So he sits his sweaty ass all over my clean sheets and chairs. Ugh. I have been with 4 other guys before him and i lost my virginity at 17. So I'm no expert but I'd like to think i know what a guy wants and likes to hear during sex. Just because i took his virginity does that mean he's destined to be a total dunce for the rest of our lives? Experienced Guys an Gals please tell me how i can improve the situation without bruising his sensitive ego. He's already insecure. :/P.S.- Don't say dump him. That's not an option.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks to everybody who gave me insight into my little problem. I know that my bf is an awesome guy who only has the best intentions. I guess I'll just have to suck it up an tell him how i feel.
Oh an BTW I have no problem with sex juices. I'm not dumb enough to think my sheets won't get dirty after sex. I guess i didn't write it correctly but my emphasis was on the fact that he feels the need to get naked EVERY TIME we have sex, (quickies included). Its just...awkward at times.
I definitely think most were spot on with the porn reference because he told me his past sexual experience was porn and...porn lol.
Thanks again to all who tried to help.
A
male
reader, Dizme +, writes (3 November 2010):
Ok here goes the male perspective...well at least I hope I can represent. First off it would appear that he is trying to do what he knows which I do agree appears to be stuff from porno's. Complete nudity during sex is normal but the quicky is good too and since he was a virgin he may not be familiar with it. The picture may have been just him believing that it would turn you on and he probably was thinking of you. Just tell be honest and let him know some facts. That you are the type of girl who enjoys the emotional act of sex and the pictures take from that and cheapen it to you. Probably the same thing with dirty talk and complete nudity. You should try and come to some compromise because let's face it the nudity thing may never go away but I am sure with open honest conversation you can get some of the other issues out in the open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): 1. Finger on the lips, "shhh" tell him you don't find that very hot afterwards.
2. Just tell him no thanks, getting pictures of cocks is not a girls thing. Guys like images, girls like words tell him to send you loving texts instead, you find them more of a turn on.
3. HAHAHA sorry, if you don't want sweat and other bodily fluids to ruin your lovely clean sheets then don't have sex in your bed. Sex is a messy business. Out of interest what do you suggest he do remain fully clothed or something?
Chairs and stuff is fine, tell him to get his sweaty ass off them but sheets are going to get dirty you can't help that.
You say he's awkward and a dunce, but you're the one with the problem OP, how is he supposed to know you don't like these things if you don't tell him. Don't worry about his ego, it's not an insult to ask someone to be careful where they put their sweaty naked ass. It's not going to hurt him to explain the difference between men and women when it comes to dirty pictures over the phone and most guys only moan and make noise during sex because that's what most girls want to hear.
We're well able to orgasm silently, years of masturbation has taught us that.
Just talk to him and cover your sheets in rubber or plastic if you find his sex juices so disgusting.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I believe in open communication and complete honesty. Any time I had a problem with an ex be it bad kissing or bad sex I would flat out say I had a problem with it. My current boyfriend for example, terrible kisser the first time... Mouth was too open, tongue everywhere, just way too much. I stopped kissing and just said "I like my mouth to be a bit more closed when kissing and don't like too much tongue." And there you go, fixed on the spot and now a great kisser. Also with current boyfriend the first time we had sex was a bit bad and weird, much too much moving around and awkwardness. We talked about it right afterwards then too and I said what I like etc.
I have heard other people ask how I can just say things like that but what is the point in silently suffering? It brings you closer as a couple as well to be able to discuss these things.
So next time he talks dirty just let him know afterwards that it just doesn't do it for you. That you like it to be a bit more romantic. And the pictures... Lord I can't understand why any guy would do that. But if he sends another one just respond that you aren't into that type of thing. You can also make the comment at any point that you like to be open and honest for a better relationship. Trust me guys really appreciate it. I've heard from soo many that they love openness and just putting everything out there rather than wondering what the hell their girlfriend is thinking. Apparently most don't say it how it is. It shows confidence and caring about the relationship. And if you want sex with clothes on then tell him you like doing it with clothes on sometimes too (so do I) and that it isn't necessary to strip completely every single time. Of course nothing needs to be said harshly to hurt his feelings, letting him know what you like isn't mean at all. If his feelings are hurt just say "other girls may love it but it's just not my thing. I want us both to have a good time." Even ask what he really likes. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): It reads to me that what he has learned before actually having sex is what one might hear and possibly do in a porno movie, not real life and first real intimate sexual experiences.
If this is someone that you are in a seriously relationship with the best thing you can do is talk to him when you are not having sex, but are in a more intimate moment and he's listening to you... but tell him what you like, not what's turning you off .... guide him gently without hurting his ego and hopefully as time goes by it will only get better and better for both of you together :-)
You can also let him know that you would prefer that he not send pictures of himself over the phone or internet (if he goes in that direction), for one, that crap will come back to haunt anyone, and simply, it's not your style, and he should respect that.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 November 2010):
 1. Some people get off on dirty talk..When he makes those girly moans and says dirty talk.put your index finger to his lips and tell him" Shh" that you would rather hear silence and heavy breathing.
2. Ew, you know I had one guy do that..and it's not really a turn on. But for other women, it gets them ticking. I would actually pretend you didn't get the text, just delete it..and give him no response. If he asks if you got it, play it off like you don't have pic messaging on your phone or that no it seemed like it didn't send. He'll get the idea, that his efforts are being wasted.
3. Generally people get completely naked during sex..However, if it's a cleanly issue then I would introduce shower sex. If you want him to leave clothing on then show him what a quickie is, tell him to leave it all on and just drop his drawers while you hike up your skirt.
Problems solved, he'll get better as he goes along..you just have to train and adjust him to your likings. Sounds like he's been analyzing the sex scene in movies.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Well i wasnt going to say dump him in any case because that would be quite insensitive as he actually hasnt done anything wrong. So here goes:
1. You took his virginity so he probably thinks that the way he is talking is dirty to you and you like it, who knows maybe some girls like getting talked to like this were as others dont, so you need to tell him what you want to hear during sex.
2. Just gently ask him why he sent you the picture of himself through the day, explain to him that you were in the middle of a lecture and you were scared in case anyone else saw it and that you didnt feel comfortable. If you want my opinion am guessing he was probably just thinking about you and decided to show you in hope that you would then start thinking about him.
3. Well most people do want to have sex completely naked am afraid, its sort of natural, however try and introduce to him that quickies can be good aswell, tell him some day that you want him there and then just to unzip his trousers
Hope this helps its the best i can do am afraid.
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