A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I meet this girl at work. She was much younger 23 to my 42. We really hit it off. Unfortunately she was married to an abusive husband and needless to say things where complicated to a point where I finally walked from the drama. She has since left her husband and we have grown closer. I can honestly say I have strong feelings for her and deeply care about her. Unfortunately she is still trying to reorganize her life and says she is not ready for any sort of commitment. Over the last two months we have spent a vast majority of our time together. Talking and taking trips together. I have kept my feelings to myself about the jealousy towards other guys knocking on her door now that she is available. She admits this to me openly and even to a agree the ones she has been with sexually. Not sure that it matters.. we have been together on multiple occasions. She has recently stated that maybe we are getting to close? She thinks we should cut down on the calls and the getting together....? But the funny thing is I DO NOT call her. I wait for her to call me. But I have grown accustomed to her calls and us spending time together... SO... It really makes me sad to think this is going to change. The point is I know this relationship is going nowhere with the uncertainty and baggage she has surrounding her.Do I simply cut it off... completely... And hope for her to find herself and maybe just maybe give it a shot with me later down the line?Or do I stick around essentially trying to be her friend/crutch and keep me feelings to myself?Really confused!
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at work, girl at work, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Hey bud, run! She is now newly singly and are enjoying these other sexual encounters, she is lapping it up. Don't be her somewhat rebound guy.
I find it ironic that she was 'in an abusive relationship' and now she is the abuser. Mister she is abusing your good nature. Get the hell out of her life.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I see no need for YOU of all people to have any fear of uncertainties,in YOUR life. Stay focused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your suggestions. Although going that route is really bumming me out right now, I know it's for the best. Now I just need to get over all these anxieties!
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (6 November 2010):
I think that you've always had a good head on your shoulders and I can't see you not coming out on top!!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Yes that is a healthy start to go out with other friends and take your mind of her, you never no who you might meet on a night out, so keep your options open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow - The majority seem to think it's time to run like the wind.. Can't say it's gonna be easy but... I think deep down it is the right thing to do. Although we don't always do the right thing. I may just try leaving the ball in her court and cut back for now... Gotta start by not revolving my life around her and maybe tonight going out with some other friends is a start.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (4 November 2010):
She's only doing to you what you "TAUGHT" her to do to you! We teach people by "example" how to treat us! The moment they step foot in our lives!! You said nothing about those men knocking at her door, that's her house, but, IT'S your life, that's in jeopardy!! Things like that get out of hand at a blink of a eye. You mentioned her EX was abusive. Women that's has come from abusive relationships tend to seek the same type relationships until the underlined cause is treated. Your her co-depended friend. She's addicted to drama! You need to get in a DRAMA-FREE ZONE!! AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!! IJS! ~Save your life, If you don't, who you going to trust to do it? HER? No Watered Advice Here!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (3 November 2010):
 It sounds like you're in either the friends or friends with benefits zone and since she's not looking for anything other than that, in fact, apparently that's already too much for her, then you should just let her take the lead on letting it fizzle. She's not ready for a relationship, and she thinks she doesn't need you as a friend, so I don't see why you should compromise how you feel just to support her with support she has just rejected.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (3 November 2010):
Hi well to be honest i think it wouldnt be fair on you to wait around as you are only going to get more and more hurt its obvious that this woman needs to clear her head at the moment and to do that she shouldnt get in to a serious relationship, however in saying that its not fair of her to be hooking up with you especially when she knows you really like her.
I think the best thing you can do here is to cut of all contact, be honest with her tell her you are finding it hard doing what you are both doing because your feelings for her are to strong and you cant let yourself get hurt anymore, it sounds to me like she is enjoying all of the male attention probably due to the fact she never got it in the past with an abusive relationship and now she is craving it, but if you cut all contact with her and stick to your word, that means not allowing her to contact you as well then maybe she might realise she is going to lose you if she doesnt sort herself out and this might make her realise that you are the one for her, it takes giving someone a scare for them to see what they would lose.
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