A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years this year, last year he went through a tough time at work he lost his job as a manager and now works on the floor where he managed but only temporary until later this year, then hes out, he was very depressed last year but is now on medication, before christmas he would txt and ring me twice a day for support and just to talk and said he couldnt have got through it without my help, he text me and said I love you so much. He has struggled with money this month and seems to have had a relapse and since new year he seems to have been pushing me away he will ring me twice a week now if that, he doesnt text and seems to be doing his own thing and not involving me, he has not wanted to spend the last two weekends with me. I am so upset I have asked him to explain and he just says hes really unhappy why is he pushing me away! please help
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at work, christmas, depressed, I love you, lost his job, money, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 February 2011):
 He Loves you...
But he's having trouble at work and it's making him very sad at the moment. Don't worry so much. When he's sad, he sad. Just like when your sad. Ignore him when he says he wants to leave you, that's just the sickness talking.
What do you say and do when your friends are sad. Just do that.
Ask him to talk if he wants to, change the subject to something more lighter, ask him to come round and don't say anything at all, just rub his shoulders.
Sorry babes, it's hard, just do your best, he already thinks your great.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHiLatest update is he went away for the weekend to be on his own and think, he rang me on the Sunday on his way back and sounded positive and said he missed me and wanted to go out Monday night. After going back to work that day though he seemed back to square one and distant with me again when we went out. He was very upset while we were out and said he felt numb and didnt know how long he would feel like this and I deserved better. He seemed very down. He hasnt been in touch today. Any ideas? I don't know what to say or do.x
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I can understand why you are concerned. Is this the first time he has ever pushed you away? It definitely sounds like he is avoiding you. Either he is depressed and needs his medication altered, or he is thinking about ending the relationship. There comes a point where you need to stand up for yourself and demand to know what is going through is head regarding your relationship.
I don't know how old you are, but dating someone for 8 years is a long time to be with someone without any promise of marriage. Did you start dating him while you were in high school? And are you engaged to be married?
How do you feel about dropping by his house to speak with him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. I last heard from him on Thursday evening, he was very distressed and was going to his mums to write a complaint with her help to file at work about the way he has been treated. I have tried ringing him today but no answer or reply. I am worried and dont know whats going on. Any advice? x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 January 2011):
Depression hits you hard like that. It's hard to talk and make nice conversation when you just want to cry all the time, or hit something, or just run away.
He loves you, he see's no point in making you unhappy, your the only special thing in his life that's working. He's just trying to empty his mind, stop worrying, find out how to laugh again.
Depression ruins relationships. It's not only him suffering, but you as well. Depression (situational) is catching. He feels sad, he upsets you, then you feel sad as well, now you both live in a world of sadness.
He asked for time alone, give it to him. Then if he doesn't call, then you call him. When your feeling all alone and sad as hell, it's nice to know someone cares. Even if you don't feel like talking to them, at least you know someone cares if you live or die.
At the moment, he's worrying about his job, and thinking it's the most important thing in his life. It's not. His health is the most important thing and it's better to walk away than to end up sick and on tablets.
What can you do to help. You need to keep yourself strong and happy enough to support him. His head will be buzzing, but thinking of alternatives to solve his work situation might help him put things in perspective. It's not the only job in the world. Get him out of the house if you can. Do nice things that are free or very inexpensive. Spending some time away from his problems should give him a break from the stress. Laughter helps all illnesses, and if he can't laugh or can't stand the noise, then just walking or sitting beside him without talking can make him feel less alone.
People with depression push loved ones away because the sickness takes all your energy.
He needs to think pro-actively. Can you two live together and share bills, or maybe a part time job. I know times are hard, but he needs to find a way to solve this that doesn't drive him crazy.
Counselling will help him look at all his options and see the possible choices and alternatives he can make to improve his life.
http://depression.about.com/cs/basicfacts/a/howtohelp.htm
http://depression.about.com/od/seekinghelp/tp/relationships.htm
He will get better, but his situation at the moment is destroying his health.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (27 January 2011):
Thank you for the update. His demotion and pending job loss is a huge punch to his ego. Is he still being treated for depression?
When you spoke with him, did you ask him where your relationship stood? I can't help but wonder if he is thinking about breaking up with you. You have devoted 8 yrs of your life to this man, you should feel comfortable asking him where you stand. That's perfectly fine if he needs a break from your relationship, but you deserve to know if he is thinking about ending things with you. Personally, I would call him back and get this straightened out. It's not fair to leave you in limbo.
Please keep us updated. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice x he rand me tonight and told me he is really struggling at work and he needs to get away for a while a few days alone to think because he is really angry about work and doesnt want to take it out on people he cares about I said ok , and he said he needs to think about his life I dont know what to say or do I am worried
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (26 January 2011):
Your boyfriend has gone through a very rough time, so I can understand why he would be depressed. Is he still being treated for depression? If not, it sounds like he is becoming depressed again.
If you've been dating for 8 years, and his phone calls have dwindled down to twice a week... that is something to be concerned about. You claim he hasn't wanted to spend the past two weekends with you. Did he stay home, or did he go out with friends?
He told you he is unhappy? Is he unhappy about his job/money situation and/or is he unhappy with your relationship? If you're not sure, you really need to sit down and talk to him. Eight years is a long time to "date" someone. Have you two ever discussed marriage? I think you need to find out where you stand. If he doesn't envision a future with you then you need to know, so you can move on.
Please let us know what happens. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Melissa-Jade +, writes (26 January 2011):
It does sound like he is going through a hard time. I suggest you call him or text, which ever you usually do, and ask him if you guys are on or off. There's nothing worse than sitting around waiting and not knowing, which I have just found out myself....Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rouge +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Hey girl, sorry to hear that. He is probely just depessed due to the fact that he cant support you or be is worry that you will leave if he is not able to support you so if if i were you i would do my best to reasure him ad if he continues tell him that you may leave it seems harsh but you cant let ppl make you unhappy and that is what will happen cheers:)
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