A
female
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anonymous
writes:Why is it that the really nice, good guys just arent that 'attractive'? I hav a friend who is SOOOOOOOOO nice and caring and is sooo supportive of me. Hes been there for me all the time. From my last break up with a bad bf, to a car accident I was in, to stress from study, to family problems...hes been the one there for me and has stuck aroudn. I know he likes mem ore then a friend but I just dont feeel like that towards him. I wish I would but I just dont :( I think its because im shallow. Hes not that good looking and I know that if I was to date him my mum (who thinks i deserve a model like bf) wouldnt approve because she thinks I can do better then him.BUt it seems that any good looking guy doesnt treat me well. Why is this? And how can i become not so shallow and not worry about whether or not a guy is good looking? being shallow seems to be geting me no where but i dont know how to stop it... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
You aren't that shallow if pursueing this line of thought. You're mom, well, let's say she's not deep.
we're all sold on physical beauty, magazines, models, even our evolution relates certain body measurements & symetry to healthiness and healthy offspring.
If you even kiss you friend to see if there's a spark, you'll ruin you friendship if there isn't and hurt this man deeply.
I've had ugly men be mean and gorgous men be nice. I don't have standards on beauty, just the way I'm treated. My husband's gorgous, but his sixpack is a new year's resolution after 10 years of marriage. he's not fat, but he's not 20 something.
But I get candy, unexpected, not just on birthdays. and her scolds me if I forget to let him get the door (not a woman's libber thing, just embarassed to reach door first and wait).
Look at the crime photos on tv: we're never surprized the ugly guy beat his wife but we're always surprized the Movie-star guy raped someone. We say, "he could get any girl he wants," forgetting rape is volience and not sex. but an ugly rapist, what a horrible nightmare for the victim. we measure his ugly as even more violent-- we never say, "he suppose to be a nice guy, how could he rape someone?"
So don't feel too shallow, you're very brave to question. Now admit you have preferences, as we all do, and try to find a nice guy you find attractive than an attractive guy you trying to find nice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): Sadly looks don't last forever but his personality will... That goes for both girls and guys!! The thing with good looking guys (most of them anyway) think they are gods gift to girls when they are anything but!!! One of my girl friend's won't even consider a guy if he isn't good looking with money. Everything to her has to be a big name lable or brand! Saldy in the end she's the one losing out cos most of us her other female friends have boyf's/partners in our lives while she is on her own! She knows it herself but won't give in and even consider a guy thats not as good looking or with less money who has a bigger and nicer personalirty!!! Don't waste your life chasing some one or something that may never exist... Live for the here and now - if that means dating some one that isn't "that good looking" so be it...
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A
male
reader, pavel38  +, writes (20 September 2007):
I don't think you should be hard on yourself by suggesting that you're in any way "shallow", no matter what people say there always has to be some kind of physical attraction also, but also physical attraction is subjective, so you will be attracted to someone whilst another woman might not take a second glance at the same guy. There are guys out there who are good looking and will also treat you well, I'd like to think I'm one of them. But I know what you mean, I have a couple of female friends who I'm attracted to who have both recently been treated terribly by their ex's, one of them said exactly what you said, as in how she wished her ex had cared about her like I care about her, but there's no point getting down about these things or thinking you are shallow, keep looking and you'll find a guy who's the complete package for you.
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