A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so there's lots of questions here about men and porn, and relationships being destroyed over it. But what i'd really like to know here, is why it's only mens feelings and biology considered? So men are more sexually driven than women, they are visual creatures, and stimulate themselves by looking at things. On the other hand women are emotional creatures, who sexually arouse themselves by their imagination. Now many women are becoming more and more intollerant towards porn in relationships, and feeling like their bodies don't live up to the fantasys that men so often have to turn to. And I've seen so many comments from people, defending men over this, and telling women that they should just accept it because that's what men need to do. What about what women need to do? So a lot of people are saying that if men don't look at porn they become sexually frustrated, but when a woman finds out that her man looks at porn, she, equally, becomes sexually frustrated. Why? Because it's a huge turn off for most women. When a woman knows what images her man lusts over whilst she's not about, obviouslly this effects her sex drive, because she doesn't feel as sexually attracted to a man that lusts for all of these fantasy women. So why is it that women have to adapt their mental biological state, to fit in with their man? If women have to do so, then men should also have to do so. Men and women are both aroused differently, but it's always women getting told they have to change for the man. Fact is, if the man is looking at porn and images of other women, the woman is turned off by the man. So the man needs to change his actions, not just the women. Does anyone else agree with me here? Is a womans biology not as important as a mans? Why can't you make excusses for the womans biology and say things like "She's a woman so you just have to accept that she doesn't like men that look at porn it's a turn off" rather than "He's a man and he just likes to look at porn" I had to get that out of my system.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): The actual survey was taken with 14 men all in the age group of 25 from our US of A.Now 14 men is not majority of men and that too from one culture.That's a very limited number.We should be taking into consideration men of different cultures and a larger number too.This is what happens when people try to pull statistics from thin air.
Check out Ahaa's answer from
"http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-most-prefer-curvy-women.html".
She nailed this one.
"But I think it's dumb to GENERALIZE people by going 'oh most guys like this' or 'guys like this better' I mean- you can't count for EVERY GUY out there can you? And we shouldn't just assume everything the media throws at us is correct."
Yes there are many guys out there who prefer hourglass.there are many men who prefer slim.But you can't account for EVERY SINGLE guy out there.Please note almost everyone accounted for personalities too.Let me safely say more than curvy or skinny ,men prefer attitudes,confidence and personalities that go along with a body.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010): I have to agree with you on this. I was in a relationship where I became addicted to porn and it destroyed the relationship. After reading a lot of the comments here I see how I really turned off my girlfriend. How she no longer was attracted to me. I am really sad about this because I really love her and would do anything to be able to work this out with her. We were together for almost 6 1/2 years and were engaged at one time. It's been almost 5 months since we broke up and I still miss her terribly. I had hope that we would reconcile but now I am feeling hopeless. She is still really angry with me and doesn't really want that much to do with me. Porn destroyed my relationship and my life. I wish I would have known how much it affects a woman before doing this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): "So which group has the best laugh? Probably neither: as evidence, the original study was linked to (via keyword matching, probably) a rival study, whose headline “Best Female Figure Not an Hourglass.” "
http://wmbriggs.com/blog/?p=2023
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): Look anon, people always generalize. But that's just a convenient way of speaking about majorities. Do you think scientific studies generalize too much? Of course they do, but they usually show statistics which apply to the *majority* of the population, it doesn't mean that a person would think black or white and that's it, of course there are shades of gray in between, but the point is, when a person makes a general statement it doesn't mean that she thinks it's that way only. Let me explain, I can say "men prefer hourglass women", because the majority of men do, they like big boobs, a slim waist and wide hips, but that doesn't mean that I think it's the only thing men like and that they can't like fat or skinny. Of course they do, but generally they prefer and hourglass. There are studies indicating that, etc.
Of course men aren't that shallow... you're taking everything I say too literally and like it's the only thing I think, well have you thought that this is a web forum and of course you can't know everything about the people who're posting? Likewise I don't know anything about you and right now I could be taking everything you say wrong, if so I apologize.
What I meant with "thin doesn't equate with beauty" is that a lot of women seem to think that the only way of being attractive or beautiful is being extremely skinny, which is what they usually get from fashion magazines and such. I'm not generalizing, and where did I say that men are all shallow and don't look at the heart but look only at the BMI? I only brought up my BMI to let you know that I'm not bitter against thin people, and that I'm not fat, like you might have assumed, since you called me miserable and pathetic for putting thin women down.
I know men are good creatures, great actually and the world would be really shitty without them, I know they're not shallow and are really loving and caring, but that doesn't mean they aren't attracted to women of certain proportions. It's ok. Why do you think most mainstream porn is filled with curvaceous women? That was my whole point. Not that men are shallow or looks obsessed.
Regards.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): An attractive body.,a perfect BMI can definitely attract a guy to a female.But it takes a beautiful heart to keep a guy.
A beautiful heart looks upon the personality of a person before considering the attractiveness.It doesn't make a generalized statement"Thin doesn't equate being attractive".There are guys out there who are not as shallow.There are guys out there who look at the heart than a BMI.
Yes its your life.You need not ask your guy to give up porn.But its my right how I lead my life with my guy.You are right.we are all different.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): LOL, female anon, just LOL!!!!*I* am making extreme generalizations? *I* am the one making horrible assumptions? Maybe I am! But so are you, don't be such a hypocrite. You have no idea about my character and what type of person I am. I'm not miserable and I don't need to put other women down to feel good about myself. Have you seen high fashion models? Tell me they actually look healthy? Sorry, but that's my opinion, those girls are borderline anorexic and don't look good. And honey, there may be a lot of men out there, and certainly a lot of them would like to be with a really skinny girl. But most won't. The type of models they like are Victoría's Secrets models, or glamour models. I admire the hourglass look, yes, because I don't have it. Then again I don't have the emaciated look, and I don't want it. I'm more like a pear. Wide hips, small breasts, small waist. Which I don't find particularly attractive either. I'm not putting anyone down and I'm sorry if I offended you. But people put other people down all the time, including you. You're putting down all the people that disagree with you. You are making fun of the "denying guy porn" statement. Well some people actually feel like that. Some people actually consider a partner's likes and dislikes before making any types of demands. We're all different.Plus it's no different than people making fun of fat people, and by the way I'm not fat. I have a very healthy BMI. Sorry if I offended you by calling other women emaciated, but truly, they look like that sometimes. Being thin doesn't equate with being attractive.But I'm done with you, you really made me angry with YOUR stupid assumptions about me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Men like hourglass curvy figure?You definitely seem to have some weird generalizations.Some men like really slim.Some men like hourglass.some guys like emaciated poles too.There are all kinds of women out there.There are a million men out there with different tastes.Putting down other women and calling them emaciated poles speaks a lot more about your character.I bet you are a miserable woman who feels jealous of other women and has to put them down to make yourself feel better.How pathetic.
"Denying a guy porn is bad.".lol!.Thats one of the funniest statements I have ever read on the site so far.
OP try what I did.I told my guy I have no issues with him watching porn.I said I want to watch it too.Have you seen Leonardo Decaprio in buff?Absolutely decadent.I saw it,told him and went about the house with a song on my lips.In 2 days he said,"I am giving it up.I can't bear you watching other men".I don't have any reason to watch it anymore.Neither does he.It takes a taste of their own medicine at times to realize others feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): I hate it when people say that porn has nothing to do with women's self image issues, and that it's just women's magazines. Um, it's not. I have no desire to look like an emaciated, lifeless pole. I do want to look slim, with generous curves. I am slim, but I don't have generous curves. And men like the hourglass, curvy figure. Where do they maximize that type of woman? Um, PORN MAYBE?? So yes, it's a factor. Of course the media and fashion industry are a factor too, but to say porn doesn't affect self image is stupid. I even think it's a factor for most men's insecurities too. How many times have we had questions from men worrying about their penis size or endurance just because "guys in porn have huge dicks and they never cum until 2 hours later". I never see women demanding guys have huge dicks or last 3 hours straight. So where do men get these ideas and insecurities from? Porn! It's sad. I never get why men fuss so much about penis size and endurance, when they shouldn't as most of them are really, REALLY fine already and can pleasure women very well with their natural endowment and abilities.
I think porn would be much healthier if it were a bit more realistic. It's ok to fantasize about certain activities, but some of the things in porn are detrimental to both men's and women's self image. I know that as humans we can rationally tell that these are just fantasies and unreal, but our subconscious still picks it up.
I wonder how much more awful it'll be with 3D technology being used in porn. Now you all mentioned how porn are just 2D images, but now porn studios everywhere are studying using 3D technology (like that used in Avatar) for porn. So you'll see porn stars just as if they were directly in front of you... how will this start affecting relationships? It'll be that bit more "real". Then it'll be porn that allows touch and finally what, interactive porn? Everytime it'll be more real until it'll become a REAL substitue for sex.
Anyway OP, I agree with calico and others. If a guy won't stop it, then just leave him until you find someone who does. However, if you find you can't live without said guy, and that you love him too much to just leave him because of porn, then it's something to accept. If a man doesn't want to change, he won't. It has to come from within him.
I'm torn on this... you have a very valid point that women's feelings are seldom considered, but yeah, denying a guy porn is just as bad. Sigh... agree to disagree maybe?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): "would it be fair if men posted on her about there being something wrong withe women"
Men tell women everyday that they think there is something wring with normal women. They fill their porn with surgically altered women who fit a very narrow view of how women really look. They pretty much show is that everyday womens bodies armt good enough for their mainstream
porn. Sure there's some amateur, mature etc but the vast majority is the typical Jenna Jamison crap.!
Just shows the average women what they think of real womens bodies.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): People who are here to contradict other answers and just want to debate don't help either.Touche.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 March 2010):
 Would it be suitable, if men were to put up a similar post with tons of men agreeing that there is something wrong with women? How do the answers here help in anyway to solve sex or relationship issues?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2010): Yes , that is soooo true. Even with orgasms that are supposedly weaker than womens , they still place more
importanceon their orgasms than womens well being and emotions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): The truth is that most men think their orgasm is 1000 times more important than women feelings or self esteem. Men are simply less Evolved than women.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (27 February 2010):
 I think I agree with Beingblack's post the most. But are men really incapable of being aroused from a fantasy? I thought everybody fantasised. I just thought that men are more 'pervy' in general than women. They like to look and watch, whereas for a woman I guess its more about scenarios and dynaics that gets them aroused. But don't guys also imagine scenarios when they masturbate?
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 To the OP:
That's fine, and I understand that you are really really frustrated with this issue. You raise good points in your post, and the fact that a lot of answers when it comes to the uncomfortable topics of porn are along the lines of the man's defense is wrong. Men should account for their choices. They watch porn fully aware that SOME partners are uncomfortable with the fact. That's choosing some 2-D naked chick on the computer over the feelings of the person you are supposed to care for. Period. It may be unfair, but that's the bottom line. And then you get the argument that "hey I enjoy porn, and it's trampling over my rights to be happy and enjoy something that's 'harmless'". Well no. It's not. And if there was something I enjoyed in my leisure time that hurt my partner, I'd for sure want them to tell me, and I'd do my best to stop the behavior. It's selfish otherwise. Discomfort trumps having a 'good 'ol time'. My partner felt uncomfortable about a certain guy I was hanging out with, who I have known for eight years. I stopped hanging out with him. A big sacrifice, but there was a good reason and I wanted to make sure my partner wasn't worried about anything anymore.
And I'm sorry I snapped too. Just seemed a bit harsh what you said when all these people wanted to help you by contributing their opinion. And if you really feel this badly about porn, then it's good that you and your partner are no longer together. It's totally understandable that you are uncomfortable with pornography. Some people can handle it, some don't like it. It's who you are and that's fine. Don't let any guy try to convince you otherwise. But when you are with other guys in the future, all you can do is ask them to stop. They are who they are, and if they don't want to stop, they won't. It's who they are and you can't change or demand things any different.
But every man is going to lust over other people. It's just how human nature is. Women lust over other men as well. It doesn't mean that who you are with doesn't love YOU any less, nor does it mean that they obsess over other women. It's usually just a fleeting thing. You need to start building your securities back up, and realize that as much as there are other women out there, whoever ultimately chooses you chooses YOU for a reason, no matter what. They see something in you they don't in anyone else. And with this confidence, you have an even better chance of keeping whoever you find. Best of luck to you.
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (27 February 2010):
 The way, the question is conceived, has no satisfying answer. If porn is the real problem, then I have definite answer, and lot of quotations of other scholars, that support my answer. I am quoting here D.H. Lowrance, and is authoritative quote on the subject, that end the debate.
'Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it. (D. H. Lawrence"
But, the question of male and female relationship, and political aspect of superiority and inferiority,...then there is no definite answer, because the question has also not definitive aspect, it is totally unmatched with true vision of sex.
Yes, sex is enjoyed in couple, by two different entities, with two different body...which is different on all most all count...aesthetic, anatomical, and more much. Difficult to count differences...
But, there is something 'one', which has the power of 'unity'. Which has the power to solve all differences and debates. It is 'MIND'...or spirit, or soul, or Atma...which ever name one choose to termed.
Here, really mind is one. There is no such thing as female mind, and male mind...Mind derives its content from 'existence', which is one. The function of mind is to perceive and later to conceptualized the perception, by following reason and logic.
The sex is also 'one', at least metaphysically one. With such grasp, male-female relationship can control their 'emotion'.
'Eroticism' is greatest aspect of 'sexuality'. It has his power of 'unity'. Mind will get what exactly it want to direct human life.
It is always said in religious terms that male and female is one, but never explained, how? Here is the explanation of 'oneness'.
I am not defending male, or even female but presenting the theory of 'oneness', which is the answer of all possible question, related to 'feeling'.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 February 2010):
I'm assuming your meaning me.. no problem... can take criticism as well as I can give it out..Your expressing your emotions and feelings fine.. but one question.. how dose this help you solve your problem.. anyway, read your post again. Your not looking for advice, you just want to get things off your chest. Won't be answering to this post again.Take care, hope you find a way to solve the problems your having.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHijacked dignity.. Sorry I wasn't meaning your answer, your answer among with some others I thought made a good point, I do appologize! I meant that to some of the people that just keep dissmissing womens emotions and just babbling on about controling a mans life, it frustrated me a lot because that's so far from the truth. I shouldn't of said people are boring me, I should of pin pointed out the person who was that has wrote numerous answers on here but I didn't want to, but now I see I have offended people's who's answers I liked, sorry about that didn't want to pinpoint people. I do valid some of these answers. Yes I am rather insecure at the moment, and I have discussed this with close ones and my partner (ex) My love has been ruined because of porn and I was wrong to snap before but i'm going a little out of my mind lately and I just came on here and a comment really p*ssed me off. I am the least controling person in the world, and all I ask for is that my body is good enough over the plastic women most men lust over. So yeh, that rant was to that certain person. And yeh, I would give up anything I liked if my partner didn't like it, so speak for yourself.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (26 February 2010):
You raise two very different points both in your question and in your explanation, OP.
I think it's kind of rude what you just said. I mean, we are all just trying to explain what YOU asked. I think that instead of asking a reasonable question, now you're just ranting about your insecurities, which is sad.
If some of these answers are "so boring", maybe you should actually get off the computer and discuss things with your partner (assuming you are asking these questions because of his behavior). Maybe that would result in a more healthy understanding.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHANK YOU CALICO58! My God people are so defensive on this site, what's wrong with you all I only brought up a simple point in my question and so many people are so argumentive and defensive it's silly. Okay let me simplify it for you for all those people not even trying to see where i'm coming from but just ranting on boring me...Men = visually sexualy stimulated. Women = mentaly sexually stimulated. When a woman finds her man lusts after other women, she is often no longer mentally sexually stimulated. So when you're all saying "but you're trying to control your man, you're taking something away that he likes" Yes, maybe so, but he's doing the same. He's taking what the woman likes, the romance and the mental sexual arousal away from the lady. Get it now? Anyways, to men out there, do you really think your woman finds you arousing knowing that you look at other women all the time? It's such a turn off.
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female
reader, wackadoodle +, writes (26 February 2010):
Honestly people...You honestly believe that it is porns fault? Porn is entertainment, you don't have to watch it people have different interests. I dated a guy who loved to watch reality tv and I did not. Do you know what the comprimise was...We didn't watch it together. Ta Dah! Okay so porn is a little bit different than reality tv in that they are having sex and we can see it. In this day and age many different people watch porn or have some other form of erotica.
Have you read any romance novels? They are porn that you use your immagination. You can blame adult movies and such for unhealthy body images. We get that every day from the just walking down the street imagining what people are saying. You don't have to like porn but don't try and blame image issues on it, get something more original to compain about
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I couldn't agree more. Once again, even this thread has been twisted to blame women with comments like 'maybe if women were more confident' and 'maybe if women spent their time more productively' etc just proves the ops point really
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 February 2010):
Serial monogamy is probably more accurate, judging by the amount of people who have affairs, never marry, or get divorced. Then there is polygamy (legal in Muslim societies) communal marriages, threesomes or swinging.. The thing about humans is, that we are very diverse and do all types of things.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 February 2010):
Wow.. not compromise then.. I'm glad I'm a woman who actually likes pornography myself.. makes the whole problem disappear.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (25 February 2010):
To Male Reader:
"Humanity does NEED sex. Without it the species would die off. It is not a matter of WANT vs. NEED. Humans NEED sex, it is a built in instinct."
Yes. As a species, humans do need sex to survive in order to produce the next generation. But do humans need sex in order to survive as n individual? This isn't like food or water, or air. The only point I am arguing is that no man (or woman) NEEDS sex or porn. Sex is a choice, just like the use of pornography. There are plenty of people out there who choose not to use porn to get off. I just don't like it when either gender attempts to shed off the responsibility of their actions when it comes to how they handle their sexual choices. Heck, we are at the point now in technology where we really don't NEED sex. We can make test tube babies and in some instances, farm humans. So no. Now the fact that humanity needs sex (or at least the physical act of it) is up for debate.
I enjoy sex as much as the next person, and sometimes I even enjoy porn. But if my boyfriend seriously had a problem with it, I'd drop the habit. I'd rather just have sex with him anyway rather than look at some naked dude I don't know. It's all about CHOICES. Especially porn. If a man or a woman in any instance takes a pleasurable habit as a first priority over their partner at the expense of seriously hurting said partner (both mentally and possibly emotionally), then obviously they don't have their priorities in the right order.
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male
reader, Beingblack +, writes (25 February 2010):
 I don't believe that it's only a man's point of view that is considered at all. Porn is just a common male masturbation tool, but it seems to polarise womens attitudes.
I have read many many answers from both sexes who have many various points of view. Men do not NEED to watch porn to masturbate. Men do not NEED to masturbate. They choose to do so, probably because it's total escapism and mindless self indulgence, and feels pretty good to boot.
I believe that women masturbate as much as men, but women on the whole don't seem to desire to watch porn or any sexual acivity while pleasuring themselves. Women have their own mental fantasies. Men have absolutely no control over those!
Every woman can SEE what their man is fantasising about, and if they don't like it, or feel threatened in any way, they can voice a concern.
As a man, I don't watch porn, I have footage of my partner, and that is all I need to see.
But when she masturbates, I have NO IDEA what she thinks about. It could be anything. An ex, a film star, a musician, a work colleague. It might be me, but like I said, I have no real idea. Is it fair for me to question her? Is it fair for me to DEMAND that she derives no pleasure from any other thought than me? As long as she derives pleasure from what she is doing, I don't mind.
Suppose she was watching young men with rippling muscles, and huge penises?
Again, that would mean she enjoyed watching them, thats all. I would never try to compare myself with them, and wouldn't worry that I am inadequate. Why should I? No matter what she does in terms of masturbation, she is with me in the real world, and she has real sex with me.
My opinion is that a lot of women simply do not like their men to masturbate - hence they do not like porn.
It is down to each couple, and the dynamics of that relationship. I think any woman is entitled to say that she will not accept porn. But to try to stop anyone, male or female from masturbating is impossible. For a lot of men, porn is an essential part of that masturbation process, just as the complicated workings of the female mind is an essential part of a woman's masturbation process.
As a man, it isn't easy for me to accept that porn is harmful to a relationship, mostly because in my male mind it seems so trivial. A porn flick seems to be full of rubbish 'acting', bored participants, and ridiculous music. Its really silly. But for a moment, lets pretend that men have great imaginations, and don't need to watch porn to get aroused, so that you girls have NO IDEA what thoughts and mental images your guys are jacking off to. Would that make you women feel better, or worse?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2010):
Good conversation people, with a wide range of views.. each of them in their own way seem to be a little bit right and a little bit wrong.. hey, human's are clever, I'm sure we'll find a suitable solution soon.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): "Men just don't realize how much their porn habit can hurt their woman."
"Women just don't realize how much their past sexual behavior can hurt their man."
Both these problems have a lot of the same symptoms. Miscommunication, frustration, lack of empathy, ongoing emotional trauma, etc.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): To Hijacked Dignity:
Humanity does NEED sex. Without it the species would die off. It is not a matter of WANT vs. NEED. Humans NEED sex, it is a built in instinct.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): Wow Miamine, that response was perfect. Awesome.
To the OP. My desire for porn goes down when I'm being stimulated well in a relationship. This does not mean just sexually. If I'm spending time with my girl and we are having good conversation, or doing things we like, I could care less about getting off. Sometimes I'll fantasize about that instead of breaking out a skin flick. Some people are highly sexual. Men and Women. We all deal with it differently.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (24 February 2010):
The great thing about relationships is that no one HAS to accept anything. They can look at the other person's decisions and flaws and decide that hey, they don't want to put up with it anymore. Porn use is the same thing. And yes, while porn is popular with men, not EVERY man in the world watches it. Some men just aren't keen on it, but most are. Why? Because society likes to excuse the behavior. "It's natural" or "everyone does it" are reasons why, but they are also excuses. If you don't like that your boyfriend or significant other watches porn, you need to accept that's what they do and decide whether you can put up with it. No matter how much you beg and demand, in most cases, the guy just isn't going to stop. It's a habit, and something he's doing whether you are with him or not.
For me personally? I accept pornography. As a woman, I know my boyfriend looks at it. It is a habit (a bad one in my mind which even I indulge in from time to time) that I am not going to try to lord over or control. As long as it doesn't interfere with MY life and he isn't denying me the benefits of a good relationship in order to feed into his porn habit, then I'm fine. Porn isn't natural. You don't see animals walking around video taping each other having sex. Having sex with multiple partners however IS natural in the animal world. But I'd like to think that as humans, we have developed a little more sense of dignity and morality.
To all those who say that men are visually stimulated and that's why they need porn, then I as a woman should be able to go on multiple mock dates in which a man swoons me over with his emotional stimulation. Men don't NEED porn. Individuals don't NEED sex. They WANT it. It's primitive and it's raw. But so is anger. So is violence. That doesn't excuse the behavior.
The bottom line is, don't listen to men who say that 'boys will be boys' and 'all men do it'. And definitely don't listen to men who say 'it's not fair because you're asking your man to give up something he enjoys'. If you really love someone, and they ask you to please stop a habit or an action that is hurting them, then a loving person with self control would do their best to stop the action in question. If my boyfriend told me to stop buying shoes, I have enough already and it's hurting our financial situation, as hard as it would be from having fun and shopping, I would listen to what he had to say and at least make a compromise. For women who tell men that watching other naked women is hurting the relationship's sex life, whether it be through confidence or neglect, a true man would sense that perhaps viewing naked strangers is worth less than making the person they love feel like nothing. In a flip side, if they honestly can't stop no matter what (which I think might be a mental issue), then they need to be honest and tell their partner that porn is such a driving force in their life that they just can't stop.
Just remember. No woman just HAS to accept porn. She can leave the situation at any time. And no, men don't NEED porn. They CHOOSE to look at it. Just like they CHOOSE everything else in their sex lives. Anything else is just an excuse and an escape of reality. Some women can handle this habit, and others can't. For me personally, I understand perfectly that you have issues with porn and it hurts your confidence, but to put things in a little perspective: There is no way that a 2-D computer screen can offer what you as a 3-D loving partner can. And if your guy is favoring the computer over you, then he has issues and it's time for you to find someone who is able to keep up! Hope I helped.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 February 2010):
Actually I have found that women are as visual and as sexual as men. My girlfriend is. She doesn't watch porn, but God knows when Daniel Craig comes on TV it's like watching a school girl crush all over again. I used to watch porn sometimes, but don't anymore because I am very happy with my girlfriend.. We have a lot of fun together, and she is confident with herself. And perhaps that's the point. Maybe more women were confident with themselves and open about how they feel about sex there wouldn't be the need for porn. The problem is more that men are allowed to do what they want, while women get judged more (even by other women!). So overall I guess what I am saying is that women need to get back in touch with their sexual side and stop worrying about what a man will think of their body, or their past sex life, or how they will be judged for their fantasies. Men are not actually that hard to please. Women have this conception that a man will look at their bodies and run a mile. We really won't! And we won't judge you if you have a dirty fantasy you want to act out. Let go of this idea about size zero, and looking perfect and beautiful all the time and all those insecurities those women's magazines tell you to worry about, and be confident about yourself. Because there is nothing on earth better or sexier than a woman who is just confident.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (24 February 2010):
What annoys me most about porn is how derogatory and sleezy most of it is. I'm a woman and from time to time I like to look at porn. I see no harm in it. Ok if a man does this all the time and it affects his sexual relationship with his girlfriend then I can understand a womna getting upset about this. Unfortunatly guys like to look at other women to get off. There is no emotional attraction to women in porn its just something to get them turned on so they can crack one off.
What annoys me is the attitude of the men in most of these porn films. It's all from the guys point of view and the names of the films are so derogatory to women. Such as blond b**ch with bug tits bones black c*ck. They always paint the woman in a negative light. It's so unappealing as a woman.
Now I can totally see the appeal of porn. Most humans have the desire to watch sex. Its natural. Its out of curiosity and human desire. But what I hate is that its ALL catered at men, and its all male fantasies. Most of the guys are hidious and the sex is crap and totally unconvincing.
I'm sure there is some good porn for women out there but finding it is hard. The only porn aimed at women seems to be even worse with hidious big muscly guys with shaven chests. I just dont see the appeal other than to get erect and bang one out.
I think as a woman, as long as the porn isnt an addiction to the point where the guy would rather watch porn and masturbate than have sex with his girlfriend, I see no harm in it. Just ask your boyfriend to keep it discreet and do it alone if it bothers you. Don't let it affect your self esteem. These women are merely sex objects to them. You are the woman they love.
I can see where you are coming from though, why should women have to be OK with it? Why do we have to accept it? Why is it so acceptable for men to watch porn? Well its not, if it bothers you Im sure there are some guys out there who arent fussed about it and would rather have the real thing.
You said "feeling like their bodies don't live up to the fantasys that men so often have to turn to"
This has more to self esteem than anything. I mean how many people's bodies live up to the images of women portrayed in the media for example? There are going to be more attractive women everywhere that your man will see and be attracted to on a daily basis. You cant let this get to you. If he's with you, you are the woman who is the whole package to him. Attractive and fun to be with. You dont have to live up to anyone. You are who you are and he has to love you for that.
Sorry for ranting lol! Its an interesting subject.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2010):
Ok.. I'll bite..
The thing is, a man is doing something that he likes, he's not forbidding woman to do anything. However a woman is trying to control his life, she's demanding he stop doing what he likes to do. Many women here demand their man give up pornography, but I've not seen any woman agree to give up something that like to do. That just dosen't seem fair.
"Now many women are becoming more and more intollerant towards porn in relationships, and feeling like their bodies don't live up to the fantasys that men so often have to turn to." (Original Poster)
The problem is that pornography has been around for thousands of years, and people were not always monogamous, and staying with one partner only. We are animals, the same as many animals. The idea that women do not get aroused by viewing sex is biologically wrong. Yes we get aroused, but centuries of telling women that we should be "sexless virgins" has in many ways destroyed our natural sexuality.
Do you know there was a time, when women were thought to be sex mad and unless they were controlled by men, it was thought they would seduce every man. This kind of thinking still exists in parts of the world. Women have circumcisions, their vaginas are mutilated, their clitorises cut off so the can no longer have any pleasure.
You blame porn for women's insecurities and body issues, personally I blame fashion, women's magazines and the cult of the superstar. In many ways, women in pornography look a whole pile healthier that these movie stars who are size O, or magazines that tell you that your worthless unless your beautiful.
Women give up your fashion magazines, start to look naturally beautiful, work on your personalities and stop comparing yourself to other people. Men get tired of women crying about being fat all the time. Most men don't care, they love you because they love you, you never look fat to them, they don't notice the extra weight. Maybe if women spent their time more productively, the problems around pornography would disappear.
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