A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not a religious person but I do have a high focus on my spiritual health. This guy, I really like him and he likes me too, we get along great, the only thing recently we somehow got to talking about God he's a Christian, I'm not. I totally understand and respect his beliefs and would never critisize him for them. As the conversation drew on I would throw in my thoughts every now and then when it seemed appropriate, then I dont know exactly what it was I said but he just shut down completely. The conversation was over. Now he is telling people I'm an atheist (which I'm not) and his sister asked him (in my presence) why he is dating a satanist (not that either) I tell him I'm not any of those things, I definately believe in a higher power I just have different views. In his life he doesnt seem to place a high value on his spiritual health (he never goes to church, he drinks, we have sex, etc) which are things a Christian isnt supposed to do- so why does this bother him so much? Is our relationship doomed?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Give him "A History of God" by Karen Armstrong as a goodbye gift. But read it first yourself, if you haven't already!
And what he said ("you know you're wrong") and the fact that he can't or worse, chooses not to, understand your point of view, makes him a poor choice for a woman who is willing to ask questions and really think about things. You'll be happier in the long run without him. Look at this way, you now know what it's like to date a man who doesn't listen to you and who thinks your spirituality is wrong. The default assumption that he is right and you are incorrect, with no apology? He might be handsome, but he's narrow-minded. Satanist, my eye. You're just working things out your own way, and I applaud you for it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOne more thing: I paticularly like GinsengMeow's post and the part about "a dimension other than our own, a force that drives the universe, a reality that extends beyond our current comprehension." very beautifully put. Thats why I use the phrases "higher power" or "supreme being" as opposed to the term "God" thank you for being so insightful. I dont really like the label "agnostic" as it commonly refers to people unsure, although I am "unsure" of the complete truth because I know its a concept my mortal mind cannot grasp, I am very sure my thirst for knowledge and spiritual truth is a very commited and determined mindset, therefore the term agnostic doesn't sit well with me either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for all the replies. I've asked him why he is telling his friends and family these things and he just replied with a "cause its the truth, whys it bother u if people know? You must know you're wrong." we get along great but I think I'm going to stop seeing him. I was raised in a Christian family. It wasnt until I was about eighteen that I started searching for more. I have spent countless hours of studying, reading history, reading other religious texts, studying mythology and philosophy, even physics. The things I have learned are a part of who I am, I learn more everyday and am completely open to others opinions and theories. Since this is such a major part of my life - those of you who proposed the question of if I really want to be long-term with someone set in their ways. The answer is no. He's a fun guy to be around but he doesnt come close to satisfying my intellectual needs. I dont know why I couldnt answer this question myself, sometimes I guess we just need the obvious pointed out!
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female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 A lot of christians i have come across have claimed that anyone who doesnt follow a controlled religion is an athiest, even if you do believe in your own things. Which is a load of shit, but its what a lot of them believe. I'd say your agnostic. Tell him how you feel!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 July 2009):
[side note: Samii, with all due respect, just because a person doesn't follow an organized religion doesn't make them an atheist.] An atheist is someone who doesn't believe there is a 'higher power' or god. The poster just doesn't believe in the current set of organized religious' tenets. This is a fundamental misunderstanding of the poster's beliefs, and I think it's evident that the guy she likes has completely misunderstood her as well. And being called an atheist or a satanist just because you don't happen to believe in this fellow's brand of Christianity is unfortunately narrow-minded and a symptom of poor listening skills.
Poster, are you really sure you're going to be able to tolerate this kind of thinking? Have you asked him why he thinks you're an atheist, after you've patiently explained your views and beliefs? And did you confront him on the idiotic satanist comment his sister made? What does he come back with? I think your words aren't reaching him at all. It sounds like he comes from a religious family of a Christian type and it may be that he finds it easier to profess himself as a Christian, even if he doesn't go to church, drinks and has sex, in order to fit in with his family. If you have a questing and questioning mind, you'll probably find it difficult to enjoy a longterm relationship with a person who's mind is already made up and can't take in different perspectives, or someone who cannot challenge the prejudices of himself or his family.
Good luck with the ongoing conversations with him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): Actually, 'being' an atheist means a person dismisses the entity or concept of a higher spiritual power. In religion, this higher spiritual power comes in the form of a god or gods and goddesses, also known as The Creator(s). In non-religious spirituality, this comes as a dimension other than our own, a force that drives the universe, a reality that extends beyond our current comprehension and so on and so forth. Therefore, the original poster is not an atheist. By label, she is agnostic or 'better' yet, an unlabeled spiritual person.
The problem that you face is that he is in-tuned with his interpretation of his beliefs. He may not necessarily follow the law of his religion word by word, which is often the case with many followers of a religion, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't believe in the interpreted foundation of that religion.
In other words, if he cannot coherently and logically rebuttal you, he may retreat into a state of trying to justify your non-believing ways. In his mind, you could very well be completely wrong and need to be saved, but still love you as his human instincts desire it.
It may be difficult to continue a relationship with someone who closes himself to higher knowledge, perception, open mindedness and worldly thought.
Mind you, I wish to give you a perspective for your second to last sentence. The core ideals of Jesus was actually not about what a person cannot or should not do, but more to do with what a person can and should do. It was the religion of Christ that enforced the ideals of "what shouldn't" rather than "what should". However, I will not turn this place into a place for religious metaphors and philosophy.
Is your relationship doomed? Ask yourself these questions: In his mind, are you going to heaven or are you going to hell? Is your spirituality all-encompassing in your own life? If someone were to try to take away that and enforce their own ideals on you, would you mind? If a compromise was made that he would give you the illusion that he would be fine with your un-believing ways, would that actually make you happy being together with someone who condemns you secretly?
People of strong wills and strong minds, may have problems being together with others with counter-productive mentalities. In the successful relationships of different faiths I have witnessed, there had been at least one person who was the submissive one and the other, the more dominant one. Do you want to be equals, a dominating person or the submissive person?
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female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (1 July 2009):
 Contrary to the previous users post, not subscribing to a particular religion does not make you an atheist, agnostic perhaps, but not atheist.
Are you still dating him, who is he telling you are an atheist? Have you asked him about the subject?
The fact that the subject matter is religion is irrelevant, the way he has handled himself - gossiping to others about your belief system because it doesn't match his own, is a very worrying trait. As is the fact he shut down completely during what was supposed to be a discussion between two adults.
He clearly comes from an intolerant family, and it seems at least some of that has rubbed of onto him. I would be questioning whether you want really to be with someone like him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering samii but an Atheist is someone who doesnt believe in God or any gods. I do believe in a supreme being which is why I don't like being called an Atheist, because I'm not. Maybe he is just uninformed. I just dont understand why if he places his spirituality as a low priority in his life then why does my spirituality cause him such unease? I cant really straight out say "hey you dont live a Christian life so why should you care?" that would probably offend him and like I'm throwing it in his face. This is not something I want to come between us but he is making it into a huge deal!
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